via Validation

Validation

I began re writing my account of my life with Peter following an article I read by Linda Gottlieb. The article can be found on her End Parental Alienation website:  The Sacrifice of the Alienated Parent.  I took on board her opening paragraph in the sense that leaving this after my death may be the only avenue left open to me (I may be in my 60s, but I sincerely hope I last a while yet – I have to, my dog is only four and I quite like being around!)

Screenshot 2019-06-14 at 17.49.12

“Anyway, after reading her article, I tried hard to write from a point of understanding rather than bitterness. I don’t know if I succeeded. It’s a harrowing tale for me anyway. But the truth is, I have tried hard to UNDERSTAND and I do have sympathy. My daughter hurt me deeply but I cannot bring myself to blame her.

After I left I read a book by Lundy Bancroft: ‘Why does he do that, inside the minds of angry and controlling men’ and my light bulb finally went on. [NC notes: Women as well as men can be needy, angry and controlling.]  How I wish Lundy Bancroft could have had my husband in front of him!  Then I found an article which made so much sense to me. It’s called: You’re not your daughter’s handsome prince by Hugo Schwyzer (2011).

I really wish I was a psychologist (my training in education really didn’t equip me beyond childhood) because I would give anything to have got inside my husband’s head. As it was, he pushed all my buttons, I reacted, defended myself, argued with him, and it was enough to prove to my daughter that I was what her father made me out to be. As he told me: “She grew up and saw you for what you are

via Why does a coercive controller do it? A very secure Attachment

Why does a coercive controller do it?

 

Malice is the little girl trapped inside me. The little girl who was suffocated, restrained and silenced.

I had the most creative, vivid imagination as a child. But, by age 5 I had already learned that my ideas and dreams weren’t important to anyone except me. I was constantly told to smarten up and stop being so weird. I was told to fall back into line and conform or live in fear of being rejected by everyone in my life. I saw things through rainbow-coloured glasses until I was forced to accept a black & white world. A world where imagination and creativity were forbidden. A world where I was told what to believe or risk losing everyone I loved.

via My Name Is Malice

My Name Is Malice

Cheating is the primary reason for divorce. Incompatibility, substance abuse, and simply growing apart are close runner-ups (Amato & Previti, 2003).

But, even with all that against a couple, usually only one part of that couple wants to end it. Women, roughly 75% of the time, are the ones to start divorce proceedings (Lawler, 2007).

The person that takes that step to make it official is called the “leaver” while the other – and kids are “other,” too, by the way – is considered the “victim” (Lawler, 2007, p. 1). Even if it is seems entirely legit as to why the leaver is leaving, you don’t get to claim victim. There’s your first clue that this is not going to be pretty.

And, really, there’s only two ways a divorce goes down – by orderly separation or by disorderly separation. These are nice legal terms that mean sort of tolerable and off the chain horrific.

via Divorce: Being the Bigger Person

Divorce: Being the Bigger Person

Cheating is the primary reason for divorce. Incompatibility, substance abuse, and simply growing apart are close runner-ups (Amato & Previti, 2003).

But, even with all that against a couple, usually only one part of that couple wants to end it. Women, roughly 75% of the time, are the ones to start divorce proceedings (Lawler, 2007).

The person that takes that step to make it official is called the “leaver” while the other – and kids are “other,” too, by the way – is considered the “victim” (Lawler, 2007, p. 1). Even if it is seems entirely legit as to why the leaver is leaving, you don’t get to claim victim. There’s your first clue that this is not going to be pretty.

And, really, there’s only two ways a divorce goes down – by orderly separation or by disorderly separation. These are nice legal terms that mean sort of tolerable and off the chain horrific.

via Divorce: Being the Bigger Person

Divorce: Being the Bigger Person

Narcissists are the great pretenders in life AND they know it. There is NEVER stability with a Narcissist because there is not a real person or relationship there – but there is an agenda – and that is to make us a source of supply through CONTROL.

via Narcissists are the great pretenders in life and they know it!

Narcissists are the great pretenders in life and they know it!

Narcissists are the great pretenders in life AND they know it. There is NEVER stability with a Narcissist because there is not a real person or relationship there – but there is an agenda – and that is to make us a source of supply through CONTROL.

via Narcissists are the great pretenders in life and they know it!

Narcissists are the great pretenders in life and they know it!

They seem harmless. They seem very empathetic. The quiet type and usually introverted.

Highly sensitive, mental ninjas pretending, quite well, to be someone they’re not (even empaths) by using their sensitivity and manipulative tactics.

🗣Manipulation is their art.

via Covert Narcissist: The Great Pretender

Covert Narcissist: The Great Pretender

via Unconditional love …..

Unconditional love …..

The three diagnostic indicators of AB-PA provide the DSM-5 diagnosis of Child Psychological Abuse, the 8-symptoms of Gardnerian PAS do not.

The three diagnostic indicators of AB-PA can be reliably identified in a six-session treatment focused assessment protocol costing about $2,500.  The 8-symptoms of Gardnerian PAS are identified through a $20,000 to $40,000 child custody evaluation that takes six to nine months to complete and that is arbitrary and unreliable in identifying the pathology.

Seems like a pretty logical sequence to me.  I’d recommend the six-session treatment focused assessment protocol that provides you with the DSM-5 diagnosis of Child Psychological Abuse.

Karen Woodall can’t seem to process the logic of that.

Curious.

via The Pathogen in Sheep’s Clothing

The Pathogen in Sheep’s Clothing