Are you narcissistic or just crazy?

Are you narcissistic or just crazy?

Patients with narcissism disorder display “pathological” traits such as grandiosity, self-centeredness and a constant need for attention and admiration (the ego-feeding goodies known as “narcissistic supply”). Their relationships suffer as a result of impaired empathy, even as they rely heavily on others for “self-definition and self-esteem regulation.” Additional choice phrases from the DSM criteria include “excessively attuned to the reactions of others,” “goal-setting is based on gaining approval from others” and “firmly holding to the belief that one is better than others.”

http://www.jacksonvilleprogress.com/cnhi_network/article_740832e0-2f65-5f02-8fa3-11e3dd44d0a8.html

Continue reading “Are you narcissistic or just crazy?”

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Gaslighting as a Manipulation Tactic:

Gaslighting is a sophisticated manipulation tactic which certain types of personalities use to create doubt in the minds of others. Here’s how it works and what to watch out for.

http://counsellingresource.com/features/2011/11/08/gaslighting/

Continue reading “Gaslighting as a Manipulation Tactic:”

Signs of Parental Alienation (PA)

Excerpt from:
Signs of Parental Alienation Syndrome And How to Counteract Its Effects (2005)
By Ludwig.F. Lowenstein Ph.D
Southern England Psychological Services

Signs of Parental Alienation (PA)

A number of signs or indicators of alienation can be identified. It should be recognised that not all these signs appear in all cases, they are numerous but many will in fact apply to those who alienate children against the non-custodial parent. This unfortunately tends to be the father rather than the mother although increasingly fathers are employing such techniques against mothers also. Whoever uses alienation procedures or brainwashing to get the child to hate the other parent is clearly in the wrong and is guilty of causing harm to the child in the present and the future. There is considerable research indicating the harm that is done to children who are alienated against a parent when they are young. Increasing research has also shown that when they become adults such individuals suffer retrospectively from the damage done by an alienating parent.

What follows will be a number of signs some of which interact with other items and should be viewed not in isolation but in combination in this complex problem of the alienation process:

 

  1. Lack of independent thinking from the child imitating the alienator’s thoughts and feelings.
  2. Destroying mail or even presents from the alienated parent. 
  3. The alienating parent tends to seek to curtail all communication between the child and the alienated parent.
  4. The alienated parent is seen as the scapegoat. He or she is blamed for everything that has gone wrong with the child. There is no sense of ambivalence.
  5. The child calls the alienated parent a liar and other abusive names similar to the alienating parent.
  6. The child insults, shows disrespect, and humiliates the alienated parent often on front of the alienator.
  7. Alienated parents are viewed as being despicable, faulty and deserving of being rejected permanently.
  8. Parents who alienate children are seducing the child emotionally and will continue to do this while in control of the child, yet they deny that they are doing anything but encouraging the child to make contact with the alienated parent.
  9. The child is made to feel guilty for any love shown towards the alienated parent. The child will deny any involvement with the alienated parent, fearful of what the alienator would do to him or her.
  10. The child fears rejection by the programmer in case he or she wishes to say good thing about the alienated parent or wishing to be with him or her.
  11. The child is owned, controlled, and indoctrinated by the alienating parent. That parent is viewed as all good, all wise, and all powerful by the child who becomes dependent, manipulated by them. There is never questioning that what the parent says or does is always right.
  12. The child tends to paraphrase statements used by the alienating parent. The words used are often untypical of words likely to be used by a child. It is very similar to a cult type of indoctrination.
  13. The child suffers from paranoia (hatred) inculcated by the alienating parent who promotes attitudes, intentions, and behaviours of a negative nature to the alienated parent.
  14. The child will speak about exaggerated or contrived abuse that has been experienced from the alienated parent.
  15. The child or alienating parent makes statements insinuating quasi or actual sexual, emotional, and physical abuse suffered by the child.
  16. The language comes indirectly from the alienator such as, “he touches me inappropriately,” or “he has penetrated me,” These are all borrowed scenarios from the alienating parent.
  17. Children who are alienated no longer know truth from lies.
  18. The child who is alienated against the parent will often be alienated against the parent’s family also.
  19. The alienator will also poison the child against the therapist unless the therapist supports the alienator. Hence the therapist is seen as an enemy in the same light as the alienated parent.
  20. It is not what alienator says but how it is said. For example when telling a child “father would like to take you out,” it can be said with joy and enthusiasm indicating positive expectations or it can be said with venom indicating negative feelings. This is what is predominantly communicated to the child rather than the verbal message.
  21. The alienated child tends to see themselves in a very powerful position, especially in the severity of their antagonism shown to the alienated parent. This is all done following the programming by the alienator.
  22. Female alienators will often choose female solicitors as they assume they will be able to identify with them better.
  23. Female alienators are often angry due to the fact that the alienated individual has a new relationship, while she has not.
  24. Some alienators move away from where their ex partner resides in order to make visits difficult or impossible. (This has only been threatened)
  25. Sometimes the name of the child is changed to that of the alienator or the next partner to which the alienator has attached him or herself.
  26. Frivolous reasons are often given for not wanting to be with the alienated parent. Even when told that if these frivolous reasons were removed the child will often claim they do not wish to be with that parent under any circumstances.
  27. The child is encouraged to be with friends or play on video games in preference to being with the alienated parent.
  28. A child who had a history of a good, happy and warm relationship with the now alienated parent before separation or divorce will fail to remember events in the past that made them happy. They may be suffering from amnesia of any good events due to the alienation process.

Divorce Poison

 

Stop being a victim of Parental Alienation

Bad things and sad things happen in life every day. We are surrounded by it all, we listen to it every day on the news, we witness things going on in the world. unfortunately PA is just one of those sad things that happens in life and we have to deal with it in the same way as we do with death, illness and other atrocities that people create like murder, war, bullying and PA. Situations that people create are more difficult to deal with than the situations that are out of our control ie: PA, but don’t be the victim!! Just because we cannot control the situation, does not mean we have to suffer and put our lives on hold.

What we can control are our emotions and the way we feel.
Sadness is emotional evidence of your deep humanity.
Sadness is a badge of honour.
Pain is a psychological response to exterior circumstances.
Suffering is the minds response to sadness or pain.
When you fully understand the process of life your suffering ends, the pain may continue.
Stop being the victim, with the end of victimization comes the end of struggle and suffering.
We are all responsible for the way we feel. All emotions are chosen, your thoughts generate an emotion, we can choose to change this emotion by “positive thinking”
The way we feel is not anyone elses fault!
We can change the way we feel, no one else can!

love and respect

Surviving Parental Alienation!!

Surviving Parental Alienation!!

 

After 23 years of ongoing Parental Alienation I have learnt a thing or two!!

I have written a few of the things that have helped me on my way to recovery (which is an ongoing process).

I hope this article will help a few of you out their to move onwards and upwards with your survival of PAS.

First of all please, please do not punish yourself. Do not go over and over what you may have done wrong in your mind, torturing yourself and berating yourself for something which is out of your control.You may be feeling like it is the worst thing that someone could possibly ever do to you in your lifetime. But hey, sh** happens!!

Unfortunately very sad uncontrollable things happen throughout our lives, Divorce, Illness, Losing a loved one, financial crisis etc. No one can measure the distress, torment, anguish, sadness etc we experience when going through these tragedy’s, but we survive!!

For me I dealt with the Parental Alienation situation the same as I would for any of the above, I worked through it.

Some of the things you can do to move forward and heal are:-

Talk to a relative, friend, doctor or counsellor, join a support group – You have not done anything wrong.

Speak out – keeping it to yourself and keeping it a secret is like saying – “I am ashamed of myself and cannot discuss it”.Believe me, I kept quiet for many years and it does not help or improve things, it just enables the alienator to carry on regardless without anyone knowing or being aware of whats happening. It’s no different to child abuse, keeping quiet wont stop it!!!!

Stay away from negativity. People who treat you like you are not a good parent, forums and online communities where everyone feels sorry for themselves and they wallow in self-pity.

Avoid Toxic people who just want to blame. Books and journals that delve into what you have done wrong! You have done nothing wrong, it is just another one of those
unfortunate things that happen’s in life and you will survive it!

Take counselling, hypnotherapy or join a support group – letting it out and sharing your experience is the best therapy available. Once your realise you are not alone, and you are not going to die, or have a nervous breakdown, you can start to heal. When you do any of these things you start to look at your situation in a different light which will hopefully help you to move on and enjoy your life once again without ear of alienation.

When the healing process starts then you can really start living again. Spoil yourself, be indulgent, go on that holiday, take up that new hobby you have always wanted to do, go and get pampered.

I found that I discovered many hidden talents and started to look at life from a different perspective when the healing process began.

support group

It took some time but I am a survivor!!!

Manipulative People – Psychopath Free

1. You feel on-edge around this person, but you still want them to like you.

2. Uses sex as a tool for control.

3. Plasters your Facebook page with compliments, flattery, songs, and poems.

4. Quickly declares you their soul mate.

5. Compares you to everyone else in their life.

6. Lies & excuses.

7. No startle response.

8. Insults you with a condescending, joking sort of attitude.

9. Uses social networking to provoke jealousy and rivalries while maintaining their cover of innocence.

10. You find yourself playing detective.

11. Surrounds themselves with former lovers and potential mates.

12. Hyperbolizes emotions while displaying none of them.

13. You are the only one who sees their true colors.

14. Accuses you of emotions that they are intentionally provoking.

15. Cannot put themselves in your shoes, or anyone else’s for that matter.

16. You are engaged in constant conversations about their ex.

17. You find yourself explaining the basic elements of human respect to a full-grown man/woman.

18. Focuses on your mistakes and ignores their own.

19. Suddenly and completely bored by you.

20. The ultimate hypocrite.

21. Sometimes it seems as though they’ve forgotten who they’re supposed to be around you.

22. An unusual amount of “crazy” people in their past.

23. Flatters your deepest insecurities.

24. Frequently comments about what you’re wearing and how you look.

25. You fear that any fight could be your last.

26. Obsessed with humiliating successful, kind & cheerful people.

27. Gaslighting.

28. They expect you to read their mind.

29. Selfishness and a crippling thirst for attention.

30. Your feelings.

read more  https://www.psychopathfree.com/content.php?212-30-Red-Flags

You can check out the rest of the Psychopath Free book here:http://book.psychopathfree.com

Gaslighting as a Manipulation Tactic:

Parental Alienation

Gaslighting is a sophisticated manipulation tactic which certain types of personalities use to create doubt in the minds of others. Here’s how it works and what to watch out for.

http://counsellingresource.com/features/2011/11/08/gaslighting/

View original post

Don’t get sucked into the vortex of Parental Alienation

Parental Alienation

Just arrived home after 15 days away from Facebook and all the things I don’t want to hear about my estranged children and grandchildren. Feeling loved, appreciated and energised after the break.

Remember its their choice not ours, we have not chosen alienation/estrangement (or whatever you may want to call it) they have.

We are notalienated parents – they arealienated children!!!!!

Don’t get sucked into the vortex – we cannot change it, so learn to live with it and enjoy each day.

Believe me the pain does go, yes I do miss them but I don’t hurt anymore. After 24 years on and off I have learnt to live with it and now enjoy a happy normal life – be kind to yourself – remember you have done nothing wrong.

Cloud 4 (5)

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can’t explain

can’t explain  is an invaluable resource for all parents going through difficult times associated with family breakdown, separation and divorce. it describes the strange, desperately emotional and terrifying events that unfold following an acrimonious marriage break-up. regrettably it’s too late for this father-daughter relationship when he realises he has been a victim of parental alienation and wakes up to its dreadful consequences. please don’t let it happen to you or your child!

http://www.cantexplain.co.uk/

Teaching Children to Hate

Teaching Children to Hate.