Posted in Parental Alienation PA

Let go and move more quickly into the next place

It’s hard to be clear about who you are when you are carrying around a bunch of baggage from the past.

I’ve learned to let go and move more quickly into the next place.
—Angelina Jolie

Posted in Parental Alienation PA, Today I am letting go!!!!

Today I am letting go!!!!

Today I am Linda Turner – I am no longer an alienated parent – I am just me!!!!!!
…that you are not your ‘story.’ Who You Are is so much
bigger than that. It’s okay to give up your past now.

 

Most of us have a story about how we got to be the way we are, about what it’s like to be ‘us,’ and about why it is so difficult sometimes to get through life.

All of this is stuff that has nothing to do with who we are now.

How often do you ‘come from’ your ‘story’ when you experience life.
Are you ready to let go of that now?
What if you could create ‘you’ the way you want to be, rather than the way you think you are?
Wouldn’t that be great?
Well, you can.
All you have to do is let go of your story.
Posted in Parental Alienation PA

Happy Christmas Children and Grandchildren 2015!!!!

1990 was the last Christmas we all spent together!!!!

I have no way of contacting you.

You don’t respond to social media or phone calls or texts.

I have now lost count of the Christmas’s  gone by without seeing or hearing from you.

I think about you all every day especially at Christmas.

I will be sharing my special day (Birthday & Christmas 25th December 2015) with wonderful friends, I hope your day will be extra special with whoever you are sharing it with.

I have wonderful memories from when you where children, and I have saved all the Christmas cards you made for me as children which remind me of the wonderful relationship we once had!!!!

May all your dreams come true and I hope you all have a wonderful Christmas and healthy and happy new year.

Mum xxxxxx

amy 2 and half

 

 

 

 

 

 

Posted in Custody, residence order, Residency Orders

JOINT CUSTODY WHICH CHANGED AFTER THE RESIDENCY ORDER.

JOINT CUSTODY WHICH CHANGED AFTER THE RESIDENCY ORDER.

My ex went for a residence order to enable him to take the children on holiday without my permission, he then used the residency order to move back into the marital home we had lived in for 12 years in Edlesborough, and basically take over. Eventually I was forced to leave after being pushed through a glass door. I was then refused access to my children, by visits, letter, phone or any other means, even at Christmas and birthdays.

The only time I had contact with them was for 6 weeks through social services who were completely fooled by his charade. The children were groomed for each session with the social worker. My daughter actually admitted to this years 10 years later and also added that her father actually dated the social worker to win her over!!!

She also claimed they were terrified of the repercussions before and after each session with the social worker.

He never ever did take them on holiday; however he would go on holiday with various girlfriends leaving the children with his relatives!!!!

Speaks volumes – what a sad upbringing my children had, very different from what they would have had if he had been mature and adult enough to give the children the love they deserved.

More information on residency orders which came into play in 1990 when I was going through my divorce https://www.gov.uk/looking-after-children-divorce/types-of-court-order

Residency Orders – Not to be recommended as they can be abused in the wrong hands

truth

10 Lessons learned from Parental Alienation

1. Dont marry a lair, thief and a cheat!! I was very young only 18 very naive and stupidly mistook love for pure narcissism.

2. Do not ever allow a residence order if you have married a narcissistic  type of personality. If they have lied and cheated on you within the marriage or relationship they are not going to be FAIR when it comes to the children. They will use and abuse. Remember a narcissist is only interested in themselves.

  1. Get yourself and your children away from the environment asap it is an extremely unhealthy situation for children of any age. I did not, I was trying very hard to keep the family together and exposed them to the horrors of Divorce Poison.

  2. If you find yourself without your children, once you get over the initial shock, put all that energy and anger into something positive. Turn the anger from a negative into a positive. Its amazing what you can achieve!!!

  3. My children have been taught by my ex over the years to respect money – not people Do not try to buy them – they will be happy to go along with it. I was told by my ex many years ago that everyone has a price. I DO NOT, but children and teenagers are easily persuaded when it comes to gifts and money!!!

6.If you have not seen your children for some time they will become more and more like your partner. Do not expect those innocent children to be the same as when you were altogether.They will have learnt behaviours you may not agree with. Accept the change even if you don’t like it!!

7.You cannot live through your children, create your new individual live. It was going to happen at some stage, its has just happened sooner rather than later.

8.Take up new hobbies, do all those things you have always wanted to do. Spend your hard-earned cash on yourself for a change. Indulge yourself, enjoy it, don’t feel guilty – you have tried your best.

9.Look at all the good things you have in your life,partner, job, parents, brother and sisters, nephews, nieces, health, home and more. Be grateful for what you do have – not what you don’t have.

  1. Get out there, live life to the full – learn to trust again – you may get lucky and they may come back to you one day.x

positve

Posted in Uncategorized

Coming out of the closet – #Parental #Alienation – UPDATE

Someone recently asked me on a forum “how did I feel after 23 years of alienation when I finally turned the corner” . (NOW 25 YEARS)

It was very subtle, no overnight “seeing the light”!!

I began to notice that I no longer felt sad when looking at photos and remembering birthdays, instead I felt quite happy and hoped everyone was Fit and well and enjoying life.

My focus seemed to switch from feeling sorry for myself and wondering and asking myself why did this happen to me to I can not change this situation and to try and come from a viewpoint of how would I feel if they lived on the other side of the world and I could not visit them.

I started thinking differently!!

Sometimes I would ask myself – would I let a friend or member of my family treat me this way? no – I would walk away and get on with my life. Just because they are our children, no law in the land says we have to find this behaviour acceptable and live with it.

So a corner was turned, and over a few months of coming out of the closet and openly discussing with friends and family I finally stopped feeling guilty, ashamed, embarrassed, inadequate and all those others things you feel when alienated and finally started to feel whole and complete again.

comfort zone

 

 

Update – I have remained silent for so long I feel its time to speak up and move forward now

Posted in Parental Alienation PA

Coming out of the closet – #Parental #Alienation – UPDATE

Someone recently asked me on a forum “how did I feel after 25 years of alienation when I finally turned the corner” .

It was very subtle, no overnight “seeing the light”!!

I began to notice that I no longer felt sad when looking at photos and remembering birthdays, instead I felt quite happy and hoped everyone was fit and well and enjoying life.

My focus seemed to switch from feeling sorry for myself and wondering and asking myself “why did this happen to me”?  to, “I can not change this situation” and to try and come from a viewpoint of how would I feel if they lived on the other side of the world and I could not visit them.

I started thinking differently!!

Sometimes I would ask myself – “would I let a friend or member of my family treat me this way”? NO. I would walk away and get on with my life.

Just because they are our children, no law in the land says we have to find this behavior acceptable and live with it.

So a corner was turned, and over a few months of coming out of the closet and openly discussing with friends and family I finally stopped feeling guilty, ashamed, embarrassed, inadequate and all those others things you feel when you are alienated, and I finally started to feel whole and complete again.

By Linda Turner

Stop being a victim of Parental Alienation

Bad things and sad things happen in life every day. We are surrounded by it all, we listen to it every day on the news, we witness things going on in the world. unfortunately PA is just one of those sad things that happens in life and we have to deal with it in the same way as we do with death, illness and other atrocities that people create like murder, war, bullying and PA. Situations that people create are more difficult to deal with than the situations that are out of our control ie: PA, but don’t be the victim!! Just because we cannot control the situation, does not mean we have to suffer and put our lives on hold.

What we can control are our emotions and the way we feel.
Sadness is emotional evidence of your deep humanity.
Sadness is a badge of honour.
Pain is a psychological response to exterior circumstances.
Suffering is the minds response to sadness or pain.
When you fully understand the process of life your suffering ends, the pain may continue.
Stop being the victim, with the end of victimization comes the end of struggle and suffering.
We are all responsible for the way we feel. All emotions are chosen, your thoughts generate an emotion, we can choose to change this emotion by “positive thinking”
The way we feel is not anyone elses fault!
We can change the way we feel, no one else can!

love and respect

Posted in Life after Parental Alienation, Parental Alienation PA, parents of estranged adult children

Hiding from the TRUTH – Parental alienation

Hiding from the TRUTH

Sitting in the garden, sun shining. Cleaner has just been, house is gleaming ready for my friend arriving tomorrow.

Just painting my toe nails ready for a few girly nights out – Party on!

Looking at Buddha for inspiration I had to ask myself many questions:-

  1. why would my two adult children block me on every social network they belong to but allow total strangers in?
  2. why would they move house and not tell me where they are?
  3. why would they not respond to any phone calls or emails?
  4. why would they not respond to any cards or gifts I had sent?
  5. why when I did have contact with my daughter was there not a photograph of me in sight?
  6. why when I asked to see all the family photo’s my daughter said her father had destroyed every single one of them including the baby photos?
  7. why when I asked my children to try and remember the good times, holidays, Christmas etc they could not recall anything?
  8. why don’t they contact any their other family members, uncles, cousins aunts?
  9. why do they hide away like two criminals?
  10. why when nothing tragic has happened do they behave in this way?

Then I asked myself the same questions:

  1. My social networks are open for them both to see and contact me.
  2. I even print my phone number and email address on the front page so they can find me easily
  3. They can phone me, call me or email whenever they like
  4. I would at least have the courtesy and good manners to thank them for a gift or card
  5. I have photos all around my house of my son, daughter and family
  6. I have a couple of school photos left but sadly nothing to show the grandchildren – no baby photos!
  7. I have very fond memories of many family holidays and Christmas, no one can take your memories away!
  8. I contact all of my family and my husbands on a regular basis to enquire how they are
  9. I do not hide away from anyone! I have nothing to be ashamed of and nothing to hide!
  10. It is not normal behavior from well-balanced adults!

The only conclusion I can come to is that they are hiding from themselves, their friends and family from the TRUTH!!!!

truth