In private, NPD parents will present to the child as either over-controlling, totally neglectful and angry, or overly kind, giving, and generous. These presentations can alternate in rapid fashion, leaving the child constantly emotionally off balance. This is, in essence, a form of mind control and torture well known to survivors of POW camps. So the child is faced with a very narrow choice of how to respond: they can choose to submit in total compliance (and so lose their identity), wait patiently until they turn eighteen and then get as far from the parent as possible and try to find healing, or through constant exposure and training, become narcissistic adults themselves. The latter child may be treated like a little prince or princess by the parent, at the expense of any other siblings who have chosen a different path of coping.
Young children of a mother or father who has Narcissistic Personality Disorder are genuine victims of their parent and the disorder—as much as any child who lives through life with an addicted parent, or one guilty of physical or sexual abuse. The narcissistic parent abuses in an intensely subtle and devious fashion: they are guilty of severe emotional and mental abuse, and no one outside of the family would ever suspect anything wrong. These child victims quite often go unnoticed, untreated, and unassisted by other adults outside of the immediate family. This is due to the nature of Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD).
The overriding behavioral sign of a NPD parent is their almost total lack of concern for their child. On the surface, and in public, the NPD parent is often unnoticeable as an abusive person. Inside the family, there is no doubt for the child that there is something very, very wrong. In some cases, this parent will begin to ‘heat up’ and make mistakes that bring negative attention to them and shine a light on their NPD, but in most cases, the abuse continues for years unabated.
Usually meltdown and a lowering of standards. Any supply is better than none. When they are at this stage is when, my online research has suggested, it may be possible to nudge them towards professional help. About the only time. A good test for any NPD maybe is to suggest that they seek professional help. Their reaction should be volcanic.
They go into a panic. Typically this is called a distablized narc.
Typically this is when they are so desperate for attention they make the biggest mistakes. They are ready to leave their primary supply due to the supply figuring them out or they are losing control.
This is when they actually can get played or hurt.
The narc always has supply but primary supply is needed at all times.
So the narc knows this is happening and does everything in their bag of tricks to keep you hooked or at bay while they frantically try and promote a secondary source.
Once this is accomplished they run and leave you in a world of pain and confusion. This has taken so much energy for the narc. The smear campaign they created while playing you and the other supply.
This is now such a desperation pick they begin to make very bad choices. This is where they get pregnant or married to the new supply within the first few months. They become financially reckless all in the name of control.
Child custody disputes and divorce affect over 1,200,OOO new families each year in the United States(Jacobs, 1986). On the basis of these numbers alone,divorce has become a major American sociocultural issue. Divorce is deceptive. Legally it is a single event, but psychologically it is a chain of events,relocations and radically shifting relationships strung through time. This becomes a process that forever changes the lives of the people involved. Divorce can be a profound catalyst for psychological, social and economic change.This paper explores the art therapist’s role in the evaluation of children who are involved in custody litigation. Child placement in divorce and separation proceedings are never final and often are conditional.The lack of finality, which stems from the retention of jurisdiction over the custody decision, invites challenges by a disappointed or a disgruntled party claiming changed circumstances. This absence of finality,coupled with the concomitant increase in opportunities for appeal may very well be in conflict with the child’s need for continuity; nevertheless, it is the law. https://www.sciencedirect.com/sdfe/pdf/download/eid/1-s2.0-019745569390004L/first-page-pdf
Family Assessments Using Art Developed by Psychologists Kinetic Family Drawing. The Kinetic Family Drawing (KFD) was developed by Burns and Kauffman in 1970 as a“children’s assessment to gather information on self-concept and interpersonal relationships”(Brooke, 2004, p. 32). It was initially designed to be an individual assessment, but it can provide information about the individual’s perceptions of their family dynamics. The drawing is completed on an 8.5×11 inch white piece of paper using a number two pencil. The instructions are as follows: “draw a picture of everyone in your family, including you, doing something. Try to draw whole people, not cartoons or stick people. Remember, make everyone doing something—some kind of action.” (Brooke, 2004, p. 32)
Conditions necessary for trauma bonding to occur include:
- To be threatened with, and to believe, that there is real danger
- Harsh treatment interspersed with very small kindnesses
- Isolation from other people’s perspectives
- A belief that there is no escape
The symptoms of trauma bonding can manifest:
- Negative feelings for potential rescuers
- Support of abusers reasons and behaviours
- Inability to engage in behaviours that will assist release/detachment from abusers
The main survival drive is to create attachments to others. This can create a very complex situation when the abuser uses both fear and a relationship with the victim, which can make abusive relationships so complex and difficult to understand to people outside of the relationship.
When an abuser hurts the victim, although the victim may disclose the abuse to third parties (such as family members, social care and the police), the trauma bond means that the victim may also wish to receive comfort from the very person who abused them. If the abuser re-bonds with the victim, it is likely that the victim will return to the abuser and cut contact with the third party. Any contact the child has with the abuser (even a text or Facebook message) can re-bond the victim to the abuser. Whilst it can be painful and frustrating to witness this situation, the fact that the victim has disclosed at all is a massive breakthrough.