Posted in Parental Alienation PA, What drives the Parental Alienator for 25 years and more??

What drives the Parental Alienator for 25 years and more??






Linda Turner says:

Hello Karen, I have read and reblogged many of your posts but still fail to understand how and why a parent can continue with PA for over 25 years.

What is the motivation?

What drives them when they have what they want?

I have read many articles from alienated adult children who claim they still loved the target parent throughout the whole ordeal – so why let it continue for so many years?

How do alienated adults they break away?


  1. karenwoodall says:

    one simple answer Linda, disordered mind of some kind, either personality disorder, psychiatric disorder or disorder in the transgenerational parenting pattersn which has been normalised and so is not see as odd. Sometimes a repetetive pattern of behaviour in the aligned parent – in the child – simple terrorism, awareness that if they reunite they will be cast out – and a deep sense of terror that if that happens they will die. This is terrorism of the mind which happens early in life and which holds the child/adult captive – sometimes forever sadly


Posted in Fast facts on borderline personality disorder, Parental Alienation PA

Fast facts on borderline personality disorder

Here are some key points about borderline personality disorder. More detail and supporting information is in the main article.

  • People with BPD have problems regulating thoughts, emotions and self-image, can be impulsive and reckless, and often have unstable relationships with other people.
  • Most cases of BPD begin in the early stages of adulthood, seem to be worse in young adulthood, but may get better with age.
  • Experts do not yet know what causes BPD.
  • Genetics, environmental factors and brain abnormalities are thought to play a role in the development of BPD.
  • About 85% of people with BPD also meet diagnostic criteria for another mental illness, such and often suffer fromdepression, anxiety disorders, substance abuse, and eating disorders, along with self-harm, suicidal behaviors, and completed suicides.
  • BPD and schizophrenia often co-exist, but the two are distinct conditions.
  • A person can be diagnosed with BPD if they display at least five of nine recognized symptoms.
  • Symptoms of BPD can be triggered by situations others find untroubling.
  • As many as 80% of people with BPD go on to develop suicidal behavior, and 4-9% go on to commit suicide.
  • BPD is commonly treated with psychotherapy, aided with medication and, occasionally, hospitalization.
  • There is no cure for BPD, but symptoms can improve over time and many people with BPD find ways to manage their condition successfully to lead satisfying lives.


Borderline (Emotionally Unstable) Personality Disorder

Borderline personality disorder (BPD) is characterized by emotional instability, unstable self-image (“who am I?”), unstable (“love-hate”) interpersonal relationships, and poor impulse control. BPD is the most prevalent personality disorder in clinical settings and is associated with severe functional impairment, substantial treatment utilization, and high rates of mortality by suicide. BPD is strongly associated with substance use disorders, mood disorders, anxiety disorders, and other personality disorders. BPD is not due to a medical or substance use disorder.


Lasts For Years/Lifetime


  • Unemployment (interrupted education; sudden shifts in vocational aspirations; recurrent job losses)

Cooperation (Critical, Quarrelsome):

Unstable, Intense, Chaotic Relationships:

    • Unstable interpersonal relationships characterized by alternating between extremes of idealization and devaluation
    • Unstable self-image or sense of self
    • Frantic efforts to avoid real or imagined abandonment
    • Transient, stress-related paranoid ideation or severe dissociative symptoms.


  • Inappropriate, intense anger or difficulty controlling anger

Justice (Disorganized, Careless):


  • Impulsivity at least two areas that are potentially self-damaging (e.g., spending, sex, Substance Abuse, reckless driving, binge eating)

Wisdom: N/A
Self-Control: N/A
Courage (Anxious, Easily Upset):

Emotional Instability:

  • Emotional instability due to a marked reactivity of mood
  • Recurrent suicidal behavior, gestures, or threats, or self-mutilating behavior
  • Chronic feelings of emptiness

Medical: N/A

Borderline (Emotionally Unstable) Personality Disorder 301.83

This diagnosis is based on the following findings:

  • Frantic efforts to avoid real or imagined abandonment ( still present )
  • Unstable and intense ‘love-hate’ relationships ( still present )
  • Identity disturbance: markedly and persistently unstable self-image or sense of self ( still present )
  • Impulsivity in at least two areas that are potentially self-damaging ( still present )
  • Recurrent suicidal behavior, gestures, or threats, or self-mutilating behavior ( still present )
  • Rapidly shifting emotions ( still present )
  • Chronic feelings of emptiness ( still present )
  • Inappropriate, intense anger or difficulty controlling anger ( still present )
  • Transient, stress-related paranoid ideation or severe dissociative symptoms ( still present )


Individuals with Borderline (Emotionally Unstable) Personality Disorder have impaired ability to regulate their emotions, have unstable perceptions of self and others that lead to intense and chaotic relationships, and are prone to act on impulses, including self-destructive impulses.

These individuals:

      • Have emotions that can change rapidly and spiral out of control, leading to extremes of sadness, anxiety, and rage.
      • “Catastrophize,” seeing problems as disastrous or unsolvable, and are often unable to soothe or comfort themselves without the help of another person.
      • Become irrational when strong emotions are stirred up, showing a significant decline from their usual level of functioning.
      • Lack a stable sense of self: Their attitudes, values, goals, and feelings about themselves may seem unstable or ever-changing, and they are prone to painful feelings of emptiness.
      • Have difficulty maintaining stable, balanced views of others: When upset, they have trouble perceiving positive and negative qualities in the same person at the same time, seeing others in extreme, black-or-white terms. Consequently, their relationships tend to be unstable, chaotic, and rapidly changing.
      • Fear rejection and abandonment, fear being alone, and tend to become attached quickly and intensely.
      • Are prone to feeling misunderstood, mistreated, or victimized.
      • While playing the role of “victim”, often elicit intense emotions in other people who they manipulate into playing the role of “villan” or “rescuer”.
      • Stir up conflict or animosity between other people.
      • Act impulsively.
      • Their work life or living arrangements may be chaotic and unstable.
      • May act on self-destructive impulses, including self-mutilating behavior, suicidal threats or gestures, and genuine suicidality, especially when an attachment relationship is disrupted or threatened.


    Treatment Goals:

      • Goal: overcome fear of abandonment.
        If this problem persists: She will continue to show frantic efforts to avoid real or imagined abandonment. Her frantic efforts to avoid abandonment might include impulsive actions such as self-mutilating or suicidal behaviors.


      • Goal: have less unstable and intense “love-hate” relationships.
        If this problem persists: She will continue to show a pattern of unstable and intense relationships. She will switch quickly from idealizing other people to devaluing them. She will see things in terms of extremes, either all good or all bad.


      • Goal: develop a positive, stable self-image or sense of self.
        If this problem persists: Her self-image (“who-am-I?”) will continue to be very unstable. There will be sudden and dramatic shifts in her self-image, characterized by shifting goals, values, and vocational aspirations. She will see herself as a “victim” (taking little responsibility for any problem).


      • Goal: stop impulsive, self-damaging behavior.
        If this problem persists: She will continue to show impulsivity in at least two areas that are potentially self-damaging (i.e., gambling, spending money irresponsibly, binge eating, abusing substances, engaging in unsafe sex, driving recklessly, or being impulsively suicidal).


      • Goal: stop self-mutilating or suicidal behavior.
        If this problem persists: She will continue to have recurrent suicidal gestures such as wrist cutting, overdosing, or self-mutilation. Her self-destructive acts will be precipitated by threats of separation or rejection.


      • Goal: stop over-reacting to stress.
        If this problem persists: She will continue to have rapidly shifting moods due to extreme reactivity to interpersonal stress (e.g., intense unhappiness, anger, or anxiety usually lasting a few hours and only rarely more than a few days).


      • Goal: discover a meaning or purpose to life.
        If this problem persists: She will continue to have chronic feelings of emptiness. She will be easily bored and constantly seeking something to do.


      • Goal: better control anger.
        If this problem persists: She will continue to be inappropriately angry. Her anger will be triggered when a caregiver or lover is seen as neglectful, withholding, uncaring, or abandoning.


    • Goal: stop becoming paranoid or dissociating under stress.
      If this problem persists: During periods of extreme stress, she will continue to have transient paranoid ideation or dissociative symptoms (e.g., depersonalization). This will occur most frequently in response to a real or imagined abandonment.

    Personality Dysfunction May Well Be At The Root Of Alienation

    More than 90% of people in Western cultures marry or form “permanent” relationships by age 50.  And nearly 50% will divorce or split.  Second marriages have an even greater chance of failure.

    All divorces are painful and traumatic and children always suffer as a result of their parents’ split.  But, while the parents may develop great antipathy toward each other most attempt to shield their children as much as possible from the emotional and psychological damage inherent in the family’s dissolution.  In some cases, however, when one parent is afflicted with a personality disorder he or she can inflict severe damage on the children which can result in Parental Alienation.

    Pathological Narcissistic Personality Disorder is probably the most significant malevolent condition prevalent in one parent’s attempt to alienate children from the other. But different disorders have associated characteristics commonly identified with Parental Alienation and Parental Alienation Disorder.