Why not to seek revenge on a Parental Alienator

Dont bother wasting your time and energy seeking revenge or trying to get even with the Parental Alienator in your life.


Because they don’t have any empathy, they don’t feel pain, so you cannot even scratch the surface when it comes to revenge.

If they felt any empathy or pain they would not have alienated your child(ren) in the first place. They would feel sadness for their own child, they would feel your hurt. But no, sadly because they are grown wounded children they don’t feel anything.

Just sit back and wait for them to destroy themselves, because eventually this is what happens. They attract similar personality types and turn everyone around them toxic.

People with empathy walk away to save their sanity.

This is what eventually happens to the Parental Alienator.

Linda – Always by your side

Pushing Healing Too Fast, Too Hard

Learn to utilize innovative concepts, multi-level communication and specialized tools to resolve emotional disturbance and maladaptive behavior. Because NLP combined with CBT changes how the unconscious mind processes information, improvements are automatic and lasting. My online coaching sessions are painless and can be completed within one to three online or in-person meetings. Traumatic events leave a lasting impression. Even experiences that have been consciously forgotten can continue to have a negative impact.One way we let others see our heart scars is to tell our story. The telling of our story is healing, both for the teller and for the person who hears the story. If the person who hears has experienced a similar hurt, he feels hopeful. Someone else who knows the pain, who understands the experience, has healed.attempting to bring about enduring change without clearing the negative effects of prior experiences is like trying to repair structural damage to a building with glue.Traditional approaches to addressing traumatic experiences can be painful and lengthy. Our online coaching system is fast, painless and complete. Negative thoughts and emotions dissipate. There is clarity. Energy is released. Healing takes place and desired change is automatic. Clients report natural and lasting improvements.

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Parental Alienation – Stop the abuse

Alienating Parent vs Targeted Parent

Parental Alienation – A Checklist

Use these checklist’s to find out whether your relationship with your child is being damaged by parental alienation by the other parent – or whether you are responsible for parental alienation yourself

  1. Parental Alienation Processes Pathogenic Parenting – Concern Scale- C.A. Childress,Psy.D

  2. The Parenting Practices Rating Scale




Limiting contact;

Interfering with communication;

Limiting mention and photographs of the targeted parent;

Withdrawal of love/ expressions of anger;

Telling the child that the targeted parent does not love him or her;

Forcing the child to choose;

Creating the impression that the targeted parent is dangerous;

Confiding in the child personal adult and litigation information;

Forcing the child to reject the targeted parent;

Asking the child to spy on the targeted parent;

Asking the child to keep secrets from the targeted parent;

Referring to the targeted parent by their first name;

Referring to a step-parent as mom or dad and encouraging the child to do the same;

Withholding medical, social, academic information from the targeted parent and keeping his/her name off the records;

Changing the child’s name to remove association with the targeted parent; and

Cultivating dependency on self / undermining authority of the targeted parent.


What Makes Alienating Parents Tick?

What makes an alienating parent tick? Do they suddenly wake up one day, go into revenge-mode, and begin attempting to destroy their child’s relationship with the other parent? Obviously not. The roots of amputative behavior are present (and sometimes hidden) before the abuse begins.


In psychological researcher Amy J. L. Baker, PhD’s important book, Breaking the Ties That Bind: Adult Children of Parental Alienation Syndrome, the author identifies three family patterns that may be present in cases where parental alienation takes place.

Although we should keep in mind that men too, can be alienating parents, based on the interviews Dr. Baker did with 40 adult children of parental alienation syndrome, two of three patterns she identifies name mothers as the alienating parent. Most professionals believe that the ratio of fathers to mothers who are alienating parents is 50-50. Although some are very passionate and vocal about this being specifically a man’s or woman’s issue, the truth is that parental alienation can be perpetrated by members of either sex.

Also, though the sample of the adult children of PAS that Baker interviewed were interviewed in depth, making for a richer understanding of how PAS occurs, the author acknowledges that “perhaps the worst cases [of PAS] were most likely to want to participate in the research” and might have contributed to sampling bias. In any case, the information on patterns is enormously helpful and mirror what we can report on an anecdotal basis.

Pattern one: Narcissistic Mother in Divorced Family (14 families); pattern two: Narcissistic Mother in Intact Family (8 families), (PAS sometimes does occur in families where the parents are not divorced or separated); pattern three: Rejecting/Abusive Alienating Parent (16 families).

In Dr. Baker’s sample, narcissistic mothers comprised a significant portion of alienating parents. This is important because it implies the presence of a personality disorder in the alienating parent.

Breaking the Ties That Bind also identifies “notable themes and clinical and legal implications.” We will mention only three of them here (there are more). These include co-occurring maltreatment in which the alienating parent hasn’t just emotionally abused the child but has physically/sexually abused them, too.

Also, co-occurring alcoholism. She points out that because alcoholism is often linked with personality disorders, and many professionals believe that personality disorders are often or even usually present in an alienating parent.

In fact, the next theme is co-occurring personality disorder. The author points out that based on the interviews she did, many alienating parents could be considered to have a type B personality disorders (narcissistic, histrionic, anti-social, and borderline personality disorders). C.R. and I strongly agree and even say that perhaps a type B personality disorder must be present in an alienating parent. That’s because the types of behaviors involved are generally included in definitions of type B personality disorders. We should point out that this does not mean that people with type B pds will become alienating parents, but based on our experience, we believe that alienating parents all have at the very least a significant number of traits that are present in type B pds.

For an upcoming article C.R. recently interviewed a twenty-two year old woman who believes she is a victim of parental alienation syndrome.  Of interest is the fact that the family is intact and the alienating parent has character traits which include those found belonging to narcissistic and anti-social personality disorders and are obviously not confined to the parent’s relationship with her children. In other words, these kinds of behaviors are actually present in all of her relationships.

In a description of her parent’s actions, the daughter, who is in therapy without her parents’ knowledge, said: “My mom [who is the editor of a magazine] would think nothing of plagiarizing when she could get away with it. She insists writers include verbatim paragraphs from the Internet, banking on the idea that no reader will ever check and find out. She quotes ten year old scientific studies and says the information is brand new. She does her best to put competing publications out of business and literally spies on them. Publishing is the perfect career for her because she gets a real thrill from the power of controlling what people read and then end up believing. Also she thinks no lie or immoral behavior is really off limits for her, especially when it comes to her “baby” magazine.

“Mom manipulates her employees, plays mind-games with with staff and family members alike and pits editors against each other. It doesn’t matter who it is. It could be my dad, an employee, my brothers and sister or a grandparent or even a friend. The exact moment someone leaves a room, she rolls her eyes or makes a very subtle, minor put down in a kind of disappointed tone about the person. She wants everyone left in the room to agree with her. Her whole thing is to keep people off balance so they live with constant, low level fear. I don’t know if she even realizes what she’s doing–she’s done this as long as I can remember.

“Even though my parents are still married, I see how mom has set up our family into teams depending on what’s going on. There’s the family against the world, there’s mom and my sibs against dad and against his parents. She needs all these secrets and teams because that feeds her ego. By keeping everyone else down, she stays up.”

The newest volume of the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DMS-5), due out in spring of 2013, has not yet decided whether Parental Alienation Disorder (which is currently known as Parental Alienation Syndrome or PAS) will be included. The debate is surprisingly controversial. Those who are adult or child victims or mental health and legal professionals involved in the study and treatment of PAS want this problem recognized by the DSM-5. Those who believe that alienating parents either don’t exist or that their actions don’t affect their children, don’t.

Meanwhile, no one can deny that alienating parents do exist. In order to hurt their former (or sometimes, current) spouse, alienating fathers and mothers use their children as pawns in a war that can leave professional psych-ops in the dust.

We’ve received more than the usual amount of email related to our posts on PAS from both adult children and target parents who shared their experiences with us. Some have asked us to include specific PAS stories. In upcoming blog posts we hope to share snapshots of PAS.

Below are some useful links.

Amy Baker, PhD: Web Site and her Links (Resources) Page

Therapy Soup Posts About PAS and Related Topics:

Parental Alienation Syndrome

Educating An Alienating Parent

When Parents Brainwash

Divorce and Revenge

The Narcissistic Mother’s Game

How To Deal With An Emotional Terrorist

Dr. Richard Warshak, Parental Alienation Syndrome expert and author of Divorce Poison  

Mike Jeffries, Author of A Family’s Heartbreak, Resources Page  for those dealing with parental alienation. It includes lists of support groups, organizations, articles, podcasts, professionals, and more.

Fathers and Families: Current News on Parental Alienation.

Target Parent Blogs, A Sample: Fearless Fathers, Jim Hueglin, Legally Kidnapped. Many target parents, both men and women, are regularly posting about their experiences with their alienating spouses and their children.


PCL-R model of psychopathy

The PCL-R is used for indicating a dimensional score, or a categorical diagnosis, of psychopathy for clinical, legal or research purposes.[6] It is rated by a mental health professional (such as a psychologist or other professional trained in the field of mental health, psychology, or psychiatry), using 20 items. Each of the items in the PCL-R is scored on a three-point scale according to specific criteria through file information and asemi-structured interview.

The scores are used to predict risk for criminal re-offense and probability of rehabilitation.

The current edition of the PCL-R officially lists three factors (1.a, 1.b, and 2.a), which summarize the 20 assessed areas via factor analysis. The previous edition of the PCL-R[7] listed two factors. Factor 1 is labelled “selfish, callous and remorseless use of others”. Factor 2 is labelled as “chronically unstable, antisocial and socially deviant lifestyle”. There is a high risk of recidivism and mostly small likelihood of rehabilitation for those who are labelled as having “psychopathy” on the basis of the PCL-R ratings in the manual for the test, although treatment research is ongoing.

PCL-R Factors 1a and 1b are correlated with narcissistic personality disorder.[8] They are associated with extraversion and positive affect. Factor 1, the so-called core personality traits of psychopathy, may even be beneficial for the psychopath (in terms of nondeviant social functioning).[9]

PCL-R Factors 2a and 2b are particularly strongly correlated to antisocial personality disorder and borderline personality disorder and are associated with reactive anger, criminality, and impulsive violence. The target group for the PCL-R in prisons in some countries is criminals convicted of delict and/or felony. The quality of ratings may depend on how much background information is available and whether the person rated is honest and forthright.[8][9]


Each of the 20 items in the PCL-R is scored on a three-point scale, with a rating of 0 if it does not apply at all, 1 if there is a partial match or mixed information, and 2 if there is a reasonably good match to the offender. This is said[2] to be ideally done through a face-to-face interview together with supporting information on lifetime behavior (e.g. from case files), but is also done based only on file information. It can take up to three hours to collect and review the information.[10]

Out of a maximum score of 40, the cut-off for the label of psychopathy is 30 in the United States and 25 in the United Kingdom.[10][11] A cut-off score of 25 is also sometimes used for research purposes.[10]

High PCL-R scores are positively associated with measures of impulsivity and aggression, Machiavellianism, persistent criminal behavior, and negatively associated with measures of empathy and affiliation.[10]

Psychopathy Checklist-Revised: Factors, Facets, and Items[12]
Factor 1 Factor 2 Other items
Facet 1: Interpersonal

Facet 2: Affective

  • Lack of remorse or guilt
  • Emotionally shallow
  • Callous/lack of empathy
  • Failure to accept responsibility for own actions
Facet 3: Lifestyle

  • Need for stimulation/proneness to boredom
  • Parasitic lifestyle
  • Lack of realistic, long-term goals
  • Impulsivity
  • Irresponsibility

Facet 4: Antisocial

  • Many short-term marital relationships
  • Promiscuous sexual behavior

Early factor analysis of the PCL-R indicated it consisted of two factors.[13] Factor 1 captures traits dealing with the interpersonal and affective deficits of psychopathy (e.g., shallow affect, superficial charm, manipulativeness, lack of empathy) whereas factor 2 dealt with symptoms relating to antisocial behavior: (e.g., criminal versatility, impulsiveness, irresponsibility, poor behavior controls, juvenile delinquency).[13]

The two factors have been found by those following this theory to display different correlates. Factor 1 has been correlated with narcissistic personality disorder,[13] low anxiety,[13] low empathy,[14] low stress reaction[15] and low suicide risk[15] but high scores on scales of achievement[15] and social potency.[15] In addition, the use of item response theory analysis of female offender PCL-R scores indicates factor 1 items are more important in measuring and generalizing the construct of psychopathy in women than factor-2 items.[16]

In contrast, factor 2 was found to be related to antisocial personality disorder,[13] social deviance,[13] sensation seeking,[13] low socioeconomic status[13] and high risk of suicide.[15] The two factors are nonetheless highly correlated[13] and there are strong indications they do result from a single underlying disorder.[17] Research, however, has failed to replicate the two-factor model in female samples.[18]

Researchers Cooke and Michie suggested, using statistical analysis involving confirmatory factor analysis,[19] that a three-factor structure may provide a better model, with those items from factor 2 strictly relating to antisocial behavior (criminal versatility, juvenile delinquency, revocation of conditional release, early behavioral problems and poor behavioral controls) removed. The remaining items would be divided into three factors: arrogant and deceitful interpersonal style, deficient affective experience and impulsive and irresponsible behavioral style.[19] Hare and colleagues have published detailed critiques of the three-factor model and argue that there are statistical and conceptual problems.[20]

In the most recent edition of the PCL-R, Hare adds a fourth antisocial behavior factor, consisting of those factor-2 items excluded in the previous model.[2] Again, these models are presumed to be hierarchical with a single, unified psychopathy disorder underlying the distinct but correlated factors.[21]

The Cooke & Michie hierarchical three-factor model has severe statistical problems—i.e., it actually contains ten factors and results in impossible parameters (negative variances)—as well as conceptual problems. Hare and colleagues have published detailed critiques of the Cooke & Michie model.[22] New evidence, across a range of samples and diverse measures, now supports a four-factor model of the psychopathy construct,[23] which represents the interpersonal, affective, lifestyle, and overt antisocial features of the personality disorder.


Top 100 Traits & Behaviors of Personality-Disordered Individuals

  1. Abusive Cycle – This is the name for the ongoing rotation between destructive and constructive behavior which is typical of many dysfunctional relationships and families.

  2. Alienation – The act of cutting off or interfering with an individual’s relationships with others.

  3. “Always” and “Never” Statements – “Always” and “Never” Statements are declarations containing the words “always” or “never”. They are commonly used but rarely true.

  4. Anger – People who suffer from personality disorders often feel a sense of unresolved anger and a heightened or exaggerated perception that they have been wronged, invalidated, neglected or abused.

  5. Avoidance – The practice of withdrawing from relationships with other people as a defensive measure to reduce the risk of rejection, accountability, criticism or exposure.

  6. Baiting – A provocative act used to solicit an angry, aggressive or emotional response from another individual.

  7. Belittling, Condescending and Patronizing – This kind of speech is a passive-aggressive approach to giving someone a verbal put-down while maintaining a facade of reasonableness or friendliness.

  8. Blaming – The practice of identifying a person or people responsible for creating a problem, rather than identifying ways of dealing with the problem.

  9. Bullying – Any systematic action of hurting a person from a position of relative physical, social, economic or emotional strength.

  10. Catastrophizing – The habit of automatically assuming a “worst case scenario” and inappropriately characterizing minor or moderate problems or issues as catastrophic events.

  11. Chaos Manufacture – Unnecessarily creating or maintaining an environment of risk, destruction, confusion or mess.

  12. Cheating – Sharing a romantic or intimate relationship with somebody when you are already committed to a monogamous relationship with someone else.

  13. Chronic Broken Promises – Repeatedly making and then breaking commitments and promises is a common trait among people who suffer from personality disorders.

  14. Circular Conversations – Arguments which go on almost endlessly, repeating the same patterns with no resolution.

  15. Confirmation Bias – The tendency to pay more attention to things which reinforce your beliefs than to things which contradict them.

  16. “Control-Me” Syndrome – This describes a tendency which some people have to foster relationships with people who have a controlling narcissistic, antisocial or “acting-out” nature.

  17. Cruelty to Animals – Acts of Cruelty to Animals have been statistically discovered to occur more often in people who suffer from personality disorders than in the general population.

  18. Denial – Believing or imagining that some painful or traumatic circumstance, event or memory does not exist or did not happen.

  19. Dependency – An inappropriate and chronic reliance by an adult individual on another individual for their health, subsistence, decision making or personal and emotional well-being.

  20. Depression – People who suffer from personality disorders are often also diagnosed with symptoms of depression.

  21. Dissociation– A psychological term used to describe a mental departure from reality.

  22. Domestic Theft – Consuming or taking control of a resource or asset belonging to (or shared with) a family member, partner or spouse without first obtaining their approval.

  23. Emotional Abuse – Any pattern of behavior directed at one individual by another which promotes in them a destructive sense of Fear, Obligation or Guilt (FOG).

  24. Emotional Blackmail – A system of threats and punishments used in an attempt to control someone’s behaviors.

  25. Engulfment – An unhealthy and overwhelming level of attention and dependency on another person, which comes from imagining or believing one exists only within the context of that relationship.

  26. Escape To Fantasy – Taking an imaginary excursion to a happier, more hopeful place.

  27. False Accusations – Patterns of unwarranted or exaggerated criticism directed towards someone else.

  28. Favoritism and Scapegoating – Systematically giving a dysfunctional amount of preferential positive or negative treatment to one individual among a family group of peers.

  29. Fear of Abandonment – An irrational belief that one is imminent danger of being personally rejected, discarded or replaced.

  30. Feelings of Emptiness – An acute, chronic sense that daily life has little worth or significance, leading to an impulsive appetite for strong physical sensations and dramatic relationship experiences.

  31. Frivolous Litigation – The use of unmerited legal proceedings to hurt, harass or gain an economic advantage over an individual or organization.

  32. Gaslighting – The practice of brainwashing or convincing a mentally healthy individual that they are going insane or that their understanding of reality is mistaken or false. The term “Gaslighting” is based on the 1944 MGM movie “Gaslight”.

  33. Grooming – Grooming is the predatory act of maneuvering another individual into a position that makes them more isolated, dependent, likely to trust, and more vulnerable to abusive behavior.

  34. Harassment – Any sustained or chronic pattern of unwelcome behavior by one individual towards another.

  35. High and Low-Functioning – A High-Functioning Personality-Disordered Individual is one who is able to conceal their dysfunctional behavior in certain public settings and maintain a positive public or professional profile while exposing their negative traits to family members behind closed doors. A Low-Functioning Personality-Disordered Individual is one who is unable to conceal their dysfunctional behavior from public view or maintain a positive public or professional profile.

  36. Hoarding – Accumulating items to an extent that it becomes detrimental to quality of lifestyle, comfort, security or hygiene.

  37. Holiday Triggers – Mood Swings in Personality-Disordered individuals are often triggered or amplified by emotional events such as family holidays, significant anniversaries and events which trigger emotional memories.

  38. Hoovers & Hoovering – A Hoover is a metaphor taken from the popular brand of vacuum cleaners, to describe how an abuse victim trying to assert their own rights by leaving or limiting contact in a dysfunctional relationship, gets “sucked back in” when the perpetrator temporarily exhibits improved or desirable behavior.

  39. Relationship Hyper Vigilance – Maintaining an unhealthy level of interest in the behaviors, comments, thoughts and interests of others.

  40. Hysteria – An inappropriate over-reaction to bad news or disappointments, which diverts attention away from the real problem and towards the person who is having the reaction.

  41. Identity Disturbance – A psychological term used to describe a distorted or inconsistent self-view

  42. Imposed Isolation – When abuse results in a person becoming isolated from their support network, including friends and family.

  43. Impulsiveness – The tendency to act or speak based on current feelings rather than logical reasoning.

  44. Infantilization – Treating a child as if they are much younger than their actual age.

  45. Intimidation – Any form of veiled, hidden, indirect or non-verbal threat.

  46. Invalidation – The creation or promotion of an environment which encourages an individual to believe that their thoughts, beliefs, values or physical presence are inferior, flawed, problematic or worthless.

  47. Lack of Conscience – Individuals who suffer from Personality Disorders are often preoccupied with their own agendas, sometimes to the exclusion of the needs and concerns of others. This is sometimes interpreted by others as a lack of moral conscience.

  48. Lack of Object Constancy – An inability to remember that people or objects are consistent, trustworthy and reliable, especially when they are out of your immediate field of vision.

  49. Low Self-Esteem – A common name for a negatively-distorted self-view which is inconsistent with reality.

  50. Manipulation – The practice of steering an individual into a desired behavior for the purpose of achieving a hidden personal goal.

  51. Masking – Covering up one’s own natural outward appearance, mannerisms and speech in dramatic and inconsistent ways depending on the situation.

  52. Mirroring – Imitating or copying another person’s characteristics, behaviors or traits.

  53. Moments of Clarity – Spontaneous periods when a person with a Personality Disorder becomes more objective and tries to make amends.

  54. Mood Swings – Unpredictable, rapid, dramatic emotional cycles which cannot be readily explained by changes in external circumstances.

  55. Munchausen’s and Munchausen by Proxy Syndrome – A disorder in which an individual repeatedly fakes or exaggerates medical symptoms in order to manipulate the attentions of medical professionals or caregivers.

  56. Name-Calling – Use of profane, derogatory or dehumanizing terminology to describe another individual or group.

  57. Narcissism – A set of behaviors characterized by a pattern of grandiosity, self-centered focus, need for admiration, self-serving attitude and a lack of empathy or consideration for others.

  58. Neglect – A passive form of abuse in which the physical or emotional needs of a dependent are disregarded or ignored by the person responsible for them.

  59. Normalizing – Normalizing is a tactic used to desensitize an individual to abusive, coercive or inappropriate behaviors. In essence, normalizing is the manipulation of another human being to get them to agree to, or accept something that is in conflict with the law, social norms or their own basic code of behavior.

  60. “Not My Fault” Syndrome – The practice of avoiding personal responsibility for one’s own words and actions.

  61. No-Win Scenarios – When you are manipulated into choosing between two bad options

  62. Objectification – The practice of treating a person or a group of people like an object.

  63. Obsessive-Compulsive Behavior – An inflexible adherence to arbitrary rules and systems, or an illogical adherence to cleanliness and orderly structure.

  64. Panic Attacks – Short intense episodes of fear or anxiety, often accompanied by physical symptoms, such as hyperventilating, shaking, sweating and chills.

  65. Parental Alienation Syndrome – When a separated parent convinces their child that the other parent is bad, evil or worthless.

  66. Parentification – A form of role reversal, in which a child is inappropriately given the role of meeting the emotional or physical needs of the parent or of the family’s other children.

  67. Passive-Aggressive Behavior – Expressing negative feelings in an unassertive, passive way.

  68. Pathological Lying – Persistent deception by an individual to serve their own interests and needs with little or no regard to the needs and concerns of others. A pathological liar is a person who habitually lies to serve their own needs.

  69. Perfectionism – The maladaptive practice of holding oneself or others to an unrealistic, unattainable or unsustainable standard of organization, order, or accomplishment in one particular area of living, while sometimes neglecting common standards of organization, order or accomplishment in other areas of living.

  70. Physical Abuse – Any form of voluntary behavior by one individual which inflicts pain, disease or discomfort on another, or deprives them of necessary health, nutrition and comfort.

  71. Projection – The act of attributing one’s own feelings or traits to another person and imagining or believing that the other person has those same feelings or traits.

  72. Proxy Recruitment – A way of controlling or abusing another person by manipulating other people into unwittingly backing “doing the dirty work”

  73. Push-Pull – A chronic pattern of sabotaging and re-establishing closeness in a relationship without appropriate cause or reason.

  74. Raging, Violence and Impulsive Aggression – Explosive verbal, physical or emotional elevations of a dispute. Rages threaten the security or safety of another individual and violate their personal boundaries.

  75. Riding the Emotional Elevator – Taking a fast track to different levels of emotional maturity.

  76. Sabotage – The spontaneous disruption of calm or status quo in order to serve a personal interest, provoke a conflict or draw attention.

  77. Scapegoating – Singling out one child, employee or member of a group of peers for unmerited negative treatment or blame.

  78. Selective Memory and Selective Amnesia – The use of memory, or a lack of memory, which is selective to the point of reinforcing a bias, belief or desired outcome.

  79. Selective Competence – Demonstrating different levels of intelligence, memory, resourcefulness, strength or competence depending on the situation or environment.

  80. Self-Aggrandizement – A pattern of pompous behavior, boasting, narcissism or competitiveness designed to create an appearance of superiority.

  81. Self-Harm – Any form of deliberate, premeditated injury, such as cutting, poisoning or overdosing, inflicted on oneself.

  82. Self-Loathing – An extreme hatred of one’s own self, actions or one’s ethnic or demographic background.

  83. Self-Victimization – Casting oneself in the role of a victim.

  84. Sense of Entitlement – An unrealistic, unmerited or inappropriate expectation of favorable living conditions and favorable treatment at the hands of others.

  85. Sexual Objectification – Viewing another individual in terms of their sexual usefulness or attractiveness rather than pursuing or engaging in a quality interpersonal relationship with them.

  86. Shaming – The difference between blaming and shaming is that in blaming someone tells you that you did something bad, in shaming someone tells you that you are something bad.

  87. Silent Treatment – A passive-aggressive form of emotional abuse in which displeasure, disapproval and contempt is exhibited through nonverbal gestures while maintaining verbal silence.

  88. Situational Ethics – A philosophy which promotes the idea that, when dealing with a crisis, the end justifies the means and that a rigid interpretation of rules and laws can be set aside if a greater good or lesser evil is served by doing so.

  89. Sleep Deprivation – The practice of routinely interrupting, impeding or restricting another person’s sleep cycle.

  90. Splitting – The practice of regarding people and situations as either completely “good” or completely “bad”.

  91. Stalking – Any pervasive and unwelcome pattern of pursuing contact with another individual.

  92. Stunted Emotional Growth – A difficulty, reluctance or inability to learn from mistakes, work on self-improvement or develop more effective coping strategies.

  93. Targeted Humor, Mocking and Sarcasm – Any sustained pattern of joking, sarcasm or mockery which is designed to reduce another individual’s reputation in their own eyes or in the eyes of others.

  94. Testing – Repeatedly forcing another individual to demonstrate or prove their love or commitment to a relationship.

  95. Thought Policing – Any process of trying to question, control, or unduly influence another person’s thoughts or feelings.

  96. Threats – Inappropriate, intentional warnings of destructive actions or consequences.

  97. Triangulation – Gaining an advantage over perceived rivals by manipulating them into conflicts with each other.

  98. Triggering -Small, insignificant or minor actions, statements or events that produce a dramatic or inappropriate response.

  99. Tunnel Vision – The habit or tendency to only see or focus on a single priority while neglecting or ignoring other important priorities.

  100. Verbal Abuse – Any kind of repeated pattern of inappropriate, derogatory or threatening speech directed at one individual by another.


Pathological Lying: A Psychopathic Manipulation Tool

“Deceit is the linchpin of conscienceless behavior.” ~Martha Stout, The Sociopath Next Door

In the beginning of my recovery, very soon after I discovered that the man I thought I knew had never existed, I held on to the one solid piece of truth that I had finally figured out: he was a LIAR. I held on tightly to that fact and started to research “pathological lying” on the internet. Unfortunately, I came up with nothing helpful. It was only when I painstakingly found my way to sociopathy/psychopathy that I uncovered accurate answers to my many questions! I eventually realized that pathological lying and psychopathy are inextricably linked.

Unfortunately, the above truth is obscured by a popular, and dangerous, assumption that exists within our society; it is even supported by research. That assumption is:everyone lies. Since everyone does it, since lying is apparently so universal and typical, it follows that it must not be that bad. Right? Wrong. Yes, almost all of us have told white lies to spare others’ feelings or with the intention of protecting others. And normal people lie to hide the shame they feel about wrongdoings or because they fear the consequences of their mistakes. But, there are other people who lie habitually, with the intent to deceive and manipulate others for their own personal gain, and they do not feel bad about doing it. In fact, they revel in it. These people are pathological liars, and they are psychopaths.

After much research, I have concluded that all pathological and compulsive liars have personality disorders, and those disorders can be placed on a psychopathic spectrum. Pathological lying is the opposite of normal. I will repeat that: pathological lying is the opposite of normal! It is irrelevant that researchers have discovered evidence that everyone lies in one way or another. Not only are most lies damaging, psychopathic lies are beyond the scope of what most people can even imagine when they think about lying. When someone lies habitually, that behavior pattern is always connected to other extremely disturbing traits and behaviors.

Lying is like breathing for psychopaths, and they use it as a manipulation tool in the following ways:

Psychopaths lie in order to dominate others
Because relationships are games to them, and because they view other people as objects and feel completely justified in exploiting them, psychopaths know that deception creates an uneven playing field. Lying is integral to impression management and mirroring; the lies enable psychopaths to present false images of themselves to potential targets. Those targets lose the ability to make safe and appropriate decisions. They enter into the relationships, unaware of the danger in store for them. Then, once the targets are hooked, psychopaths continue to use lies, along with a sprinkling of truth, in a multitude of ways, to ensure that their targets keep “playing.” They lie to cover up cheating, alcoholism, drug use, and sometimes various illegal activities. They lie through evasion and by withholding information. They lie as a form of gaslighting, in order to increase their control over their targets by making them constantly question themselves. They often repeatedly tell the ultimate lie, that they “love” their targets. And, they lie just for the fun of it.

Psychopaths actually feel a form of pleasure when they lie
Unlike lies told out of fear or to hide shame, psychopathic lies are often told because they bring a shallow form of pleasure to the liar. This is called “Duper’s Delight.” This explains why psychopaths sometimes lie when it is completely unnecessary or when the truth would be more advantageous. Psychopaths also include a variety of details in their lies, not only because it makes their lies sound more credible, but also because they enjoy constructing a false reality and making others believe it. It feeds their need for power and provides them with sick entertainment.

Psychopaths lie effortlessly and are very convincing
Psychopaths experience pleasure from lying because they lack the normal range of human emotions. They are empty and bored, they lack empathy for others, and they do not feel shame or remorse. This emptiness also enables them to lie with minimal effort. They can look other people straight in the eye, without flinching, and lie quickly and guiltlessly, even when confronted with probing questions and evidence of previous deception. It is also easy for them to deny the lies, make up excuses, and project their own behavior on to others, which is, of course, a lie in itself. Although some psychopaths do not bother with apologies, others say they’re sorry on a regular basis, and because they say this without feeling any shame, they can come across as sincere.

Psychopaths lie to make others feel sorry for them
All psychopaths know exactly how to elicit sympathy from their targets. They are exploiters, and so they take advantage of the natural desire most people have to help and nurture their fellow human beings. They use deception (and sometimes a smidgeon of truth) to create a plethora of fabricated ailments and problems. Common pity plays include fake illnesses and injuries, along with “crazy” exes, car accidents, and theft, to name just a few. Psychopaths generate as many pretend sob stories as needed in order to draw others into their hidden games, again and again and again. The ability they have to lie pathologically, easily, and confidently makes it possible for them to convince others that such an implausible number of tragedies is plausible, which unfortunately opens the door to a variety of manipulation and exploitation opportunities.

Martha Stout’s telling quote from above, “Deceit is the linchpin of conscienceless behavior,” can be translated as: lying is central to the psychopathic personality. It therefore cannot be separated from other psychopathic behavior; it is integrated completely into how psychopaths think and into everything they do. Habitual, pathological lying is the opposite of normal, and it is always a telltale sign of a psychopathic personality disorder.


The Psychodiagnostic Chart (PDC) Free download

A Practical Tool to Integrate and Operationalize the PDM with the ICD or DSM
Robert M. Gordon and Robert F. Bornstein, 2012

Use: The Psychodiagnostic Chart (PDC) is a quick practitioner rating form that integrates the PDM with the ICD or DSM.   The PDC may be used for diagnoses, treatment formulations, progress reports, and outcome assessment, as well as for empirical research on personality, psychopathology, and treatment.  Our overarching aim is to make psychodiagnoses more useful to the practitioner by combining the symptom-focused ICD or DSM with the full range and depth of human mental functioning addressed by the PDM.


How to use:  The clinician must perform (or have access to) diagnostic interview data and psychological assessment data to derive optimal ratings. We recognize that this is not always feasible, and in many instances the clinician will code an initial impression, then re-assess as additional information accrues. If this is used for progress notes, there will be opportunities to re-assess and revise the person’s diagnosis as well. The validity of this chart can be enhanced with the integration of relevant psychological tests. Recent research by Gordon and Stoffey (2014) show excellent construct validity and reliability of the PDC.



click here to download the chart PDC2 2015 v8.1