Posted in A Narcissistic Parent, Adult children of Narcissistic parents, Adult Children of Narcissists, Lies of a Narcissist, Parental Alienation & Narcissistic Personality Disorder

Most Common Lies of a Narcissist

Taken from http://narcissistsupport.com/6-common-lies-narcissist/ read the full posts including all examples by clicking the above link.

The more stories I hear from other victims of narcissists, the more common threads become apparent.  And although narcissists tend to be compulsive liars, most of their “larger” lies seem to fall within seven different categories.   Keep in mind that Narcissism/Sociopathy is a spectrum–so a person may tell small or big lies in these areas. They may tell all seven kinds of lies, or as few as one (but par for the course seems to be 3 or more of these lies). I wanted to use examples so you could see what these lies look like in action, and many of the examples listed below are (unfortunately) taken from both my own experiences, and the experiences of some friends.

1. Military service/heroic acts of duty.  Many Narcissists assert that they were either in the Military (and they weren’t), were in a top secret/important unit in the Military (and they weren’t) or were in the Military for longer than they really were.  If they did actually join the Military, then odds are they’ve milked it for all it’s worth, talking about their service, or throwing in that they were in the Military when it could benefit them.

 

2. Deep religious or spiritual beliefs.  Many Narcissists are ministers, youth leaders, and hold other various positions of prestige in their church.  To listen to them speak, they are “super Christian” or “super Buddhist”, and if you didn’t know better you’d think that they really practiced what they preached. An extreme example of this would be Warren Jeffs, leader and one of the many self-proclaimed “Prophets” of the Fundamentalist Latter Day Saints (FLDS). Jeffs created a polygamist compound on the Utah-Arizona border, and he, along with many other men in the compound were arrested for sexual assault and rape of many of the minor children there.  Jeffs considers his blood, as well as his bloodline to be “royal,” and believes that he was chosen by God to lead his followers.  Jim Baker would be another preacher whose actions didn’t line up with his words, as he was busted for hiring prostitutes and “misusing” funds he’d collected for his ministry.

 

3. Advanced Degrees/Business owners/success.  Because many Narcissists are so appearances and image driven, it’s not uncommon for them to lie about having PhDs, medical degrees, other advanced degrees, or claiming that they owned a business of some sort and had great success.

 

4. Cheating/Fidelity. Sex is one of the Narcissist’s best weapons.  Narcissists are the ultimate hypocrites, and demand complete fidelity and honesty, but never return it. They will often even project their cheating onto their victim, accusing him or her of the act! Perhaps the number one way most victims come to learn about Narcissists is when they catch them cheating the second, third, or fourth time.

 

5. Using other people’s stories, ideas or efforts as their own.  Some Narcissists will “borrow” other people’s stories and pass them off as their own.  At times they will even do this in front of other people that were there when the real story happened!  They value a good story over the truth any day of the week.

 

6. Outlandish stories. Narcissists can come up with some crazyyy stories.  They are so over the top that the listener knows they’ve got to be made up, yet the Narcissist keeps going.

 

7. Money.  Many will pretend that they are more financial stable than they are, or that at one time they had a lot of money.

 

Posted in A Narcissistic Parent, Abusive Narcissists Get Inside Your Head, Adult children of Narcissistic parents, Adult Children of Narcissists, Parental Alienation & Narcissistic Personality Disorder

The Child’s Experience of NPD Abuse

For all the complaints most parents make about spoiled children, children really do have very little power over their parents. This is even more true in the case of a child with an NPD parent, since the child intimately knows the unpredictability, implied threats and intense rages that the parent demonstrates. The child learns early in life to ‘duck and cover’ by constantly appeasing the childish whims (that change with the breeze) of the NPD parent. The child becomes terrified that if they speak to anyone outside of the family about their very ill parent, no one will listen or believe them, since the NPD parent is a master of the ‘false face’ in public. Secondarily, the child is terrified that their complaint will get back to the NPD parent, and they will pay a high penalty for this.

read the complete article here:-http://hubpages.com/health/The-Child-Victim-of-a-Narcissistic-Personality-Disordered-Parent

Posted in A Narcissistic Parent, Abusive Narcissists Get Inside Your Head, Adult children of Narcissistic parents, Adult Children of Narcissists, Parental Alienation PA

Why Your Narcissistic Parent Needs You

Why Your Narcissistic Parent Needs You

Isn’t is puzzling? No matter how much you ignore your narcissistic parent they keep coming back to you. Even if you say “I don’t want any contact with you,” they’re back.

It’s like trying to stop that stray dog from following you home.

When your narcissistic father is pursuing you, it’s almost possible to believe he loves you.

But he doesn’t. He’s not capable of loving you. He’ll tell you he loves you. But when you think back you realize that he’s never demonstrated unconditional love for you. His “love” has always been conditional on how much adoration and praise you shower on him.

That’s not love.

The Disappearing Narcissistic Parent

Back in the early 90s, I was having a rough time making it, financially speaking. The bad economy decimated the town I was living in. There were few jobs to be found. I found three part-time jobs—the highest paying being $5 per hour—and a $60 a week apartment about the size of a refrigerator box.

I couldn’t afford a car so I walked to work. The nearest grocery store was over a mile away, so I was limited in what I could purchase each trip.

I couldn’t afford a phone, so I couldn’t leave a phone number on job applications to get a higher paying job.

My narcissistic mother knew the situation I was in. She never came around to check on me. Never offered a ride to the grocery store so I could stock up. Never had me come over to do my laundry so I didn’t have to carry a garbage bag of clothes a half mile. And she certainly didn’t offer to help out with my expenses.

I didn’t see much of her for a couple years. Yet when I got back on my feet and had a respectable job I heard from her all the time.

What gives?

read more here:- Why Your Narcissistic Parent Needs You

Posted in Destructive Narcissism, Parental Alienation PA

The Hidden Language Of Narcissists

Narcissists are masters of language who use words to deceive, coerce, seduce, and mislead. They have the forked tongue of a viper and have no misgivings when it comes to spouting poisonous, vitriolic abuse at their victims.

Verbal trickery is their preferred method of manipulation and they have a talent for saying the right thing at the right time to confuse, belittle and degrade the other person.

They devalue their victims, purposefully seeking to make them feel worthless so that they may subjugate them to their will. The unrelenting mind games of the narcissist are incredibly damaging to those on the receiving end; they can lead to anxiety, depression, and a whole host of other psychological effects.

read the full article here:- https://www.aconsciousrethink.com/3384/hidden-language-narcissists-manipulate-traumatize-victims/

Posted in Are you a narcissist?, Parental Alienation PA

Narcissistic Personality Disorder

How to Spot Narcissistic Personality Disorder

By

What are the symptoms of Narcissistic Personality Disorder?

  • Fantasizing about power
  • Believing you are special
  • Being easily hurt
  • Fantasizing about success
  • Believing others are jealous of you
  • Being jealous of others
  • Taking advantage of others
  • Setting unrealistic goals
  • Failing to recognize other people’s emotions
  • Fragile self-esteem

To read more How to Spot Narcissistic Personality Disorder

Posted in Life after Parental Alienation, Parental Alienation PA, parents of estranged adult children

Hiding from the TRUTH – Parental alienation

Hiding from the TRUTH

Sitting in the garden, sun shining. Cleaner has just been, house is gleaming ready for my friend arriving tomorrow.

Just painting my toe nails ready for a few girly nights out – Party on!

Looking at Buddha for inspiration I had to ask myself many questions:-

  1. why would my two adult children block me on every social network they belong to but allow total strangers in?
  2. why would they move house and not tell me where they are?
  3. why would they not respond to any phone calls or emails?
  4. why would they not respond to any cards or gifts I had sent?
  5. why when I did have contact with my daughter was there not a photograph of me in sight?
  6. why when I asked to see all the family photo’s my daughter said her father had destroyed every single one of them including the baby photos?
  7. why when I asked my children to try and remember the good times, holidays, Christmas etc they could not recall anything?
  8. why don’t they contact any their other family members, uncles, cousins aunts?
  9. why do they hide away like two criminals?
  10. why when nothing tragic has happened do they behave in this way?

Then I asked myself the same questions:

  1. My social networks are open for them both to see and contact me.
  2. I even print my phone number and email address on the front page so they can find me easily
  3. They can phone me, call me or email whenever they like
  4. I would at least have the courtesy and good manners to thank them for a gift or card
  5. I have photos all around my house of my son, daughter and family
  6. I have a couple of school photos left but sadly nothing to show the grandchildren – no baby photos!
  7. I have very fond memories of many family holidays and Christmas, no one can take your memories away!
  8. I contact all of my family and my husbands on a regular basis to enquire how they are
  9. I do not hide away from anyone! I have nothing to be ashamed of and nothing to hide!
  10. It is not normal behavior from well-balanced adults!

The only conclusion I can come to is that they are hiding from themselves, their friends and family from the TRUTH!!!!

truth

Narcissistic Father

“Half the harm that is done in this world is due to people who want to feel important. They don’t mean to do harm, but the harm (that they cause) does not interest them. Or they do not see it, or they justify it because they are absorbed in the endless struggle to think well of themselves”. ~ T.S. Eliot

You used to think that by the time you were in your twenties and definitely by your thirties you’d have your act together – you’d be establishing a successful career, have your own place, be in a committed and stable relationship, visit the gym enough to have the body you always wanted and your social life would be vibrant.

But, you’re nowhere near where you thought you’d be, and the tiny boxes next to the list of achievements that you’d hoped to accomplish are still unchecked.

As your confidence deflates, you look back on your own upbringing, and think about your father – Mr Self-Assured. He seemed to have it all – charm, success, popularity and he never seemed to be plagued by self-doubt, unlike you. He was the hit of the party, knew everyone and made things happen. You couldn’t get enough of him.

How Kids Experience Narcissistic Traits:

Come to think of it, did his confidence border on arrogance? Is it possible that you were raised by someone with narcissistic traits? And if so, why is it important?

We take our families for granted – it’s natural that we do. Each family is a miniature sociological experiment, with its own set of unwritten rules, secrets, and nuanced behavioral patterns. We take our mom and dad for granted; like this must be what it’s like for everyone. Your dad may have been narcissistic, but you just assumed that all fathers were like him.

Here are some signs that your dad had narcissistic tendencies or was an out-rightnarcissist.

  • Dad was self-centered and pretty vain. He had an inflated sense of self-importance that led him to believe he was superior and entitled to only the best.
  • Dad used people for his own good. He would take advantage of others, to the point of exploiting them when it suited him. Everybody seemed to cater to him, or at least he expected them to.
  • Dad was charismatic. Everyone wanted to be around him and he relished admiration from others. He loved being in the spotlight and the positive reinforcement that came from being the center of attention.
  • No one had an imagination like Dad. Grandiosity is alluring, and so were hisfantasies of success, prestige, and brilliance. He would often exaggerate his achievements, and his ambitions and goals bordered on unrealistic.
  • Dad didn’t take criticism well. Nothing stung him like criticism; he often cut those people out of his life, or tried to hurt them.
  • Dad’s rage was truly scary. Some people get mad and yell a lot. Dad could hurt you with his anger. It cut to the bone.
  • Dad could be aloof and unsympathetic. Narcissists often have a hard time experiencing empathy; they often disregard and invalidate how others feel. Of course, he was exquisitely sensitive to what he felt, but others were of no mind.
  • Dad wasn’t around a lot. He got a lot of gratification outside the family. Other fathers hung out with their families a lot more. Plus, he craved excitement and seemed to be more concerned by what others thought of him, rather then how his own kids felt about him.
  • Dad did what he wanted when dealing with you. Narcissists don’t step into someone else’s shoes very often. He did things with you that he enjoyed; maybe you did as well.
  • Dad wanted you to look great to his friends and colleagues. You were most important to him when he could brag about you; sad but true.
  • You couldn’t really get what you needed from him. Even if Dad provided on a material level, you felt deprived on a more subtle level. For example, you wanted his attention and affection, but would only get it sporadically, and only when it worked for him.

When you go through these traits, some may hit home; while others may not be relevant. Some may ring as very true; while others as less so. This is why narcissitic traits are not synonomous with a Narcissistic Personality Disorder.

The Heuristic Problem of Personality Classification:

Narcissism is not a dirty word, in fact, narcissistic traits are commonly found in most of us. There’s nothing disturbed about that. The other extreme is the Narcissistic Personality Disorder, a controversial, but often helpful label. For the record, our diagnostic categories are somewhat arbitrary and lack the veracity of harder medical diagnostic labels like a broken femur or glaucoma. These disorders are easier to document and study.Personality Disorders help us organize our thinking about an individual, but may fall far short of a truthful depiction of a whole complex person.

Sometimes it’s hard to tell whether a person is narcissistic or merely has a healthy self regard. Narcissism isn’t about having high self-confidence; it’s a love for oneself that has morphed into a preoccupation. The term is based on Narcissus, the Greek mythological character who was so infatuated with himself, that it ultimately proved fatal.

Although it’s not actually fatal, narcissism can become so pathological that it satisfies the criteria, however faulty, of a personality disorder. The fourth edition of the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM IV-TR) defines Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD) as

“A pervasive pattern of grandiosity (in fantasy or behavior), need for admiration, and lack of empathy, beginning by early adulthood and present in a variety of contexts… as indicated…. by the following”:

  • wanting to be admired
  • having a sense of entitlement
  • being exploitative
  • lacking empathy
  • arrogance

Another characteristic typical of narcissists is a disregard of personal boundaries. Narcissists don’t always acknowledge the need for boundaries which is coupled with their failure to realize that others do not exist merely to meet their needs. A narcissist will often treat others, especially those that are close to him, as if they are there to fulfill his needs and expectations.

Now that you have a firm grasp on what a narcissistic father may be like, let’s take a look at how he might affect his kids. (We will get to narcissistic mothers another time.)

How a Narcissistic Father Can Hurt his Son or Daughter:

Narcissistic parents often damage their children. For example, they may disregard boundaries, manipulate their children by withholding affection (until they perform), and neglect to meet their children’s needs because their needs come first. Because image is so important to narcissists, they may demand perfection from their children. The child of a narcissist father can, in turn, feel a pressure ramp up their talents, looks, smarts or charisma. It can cost them if they fulfill their Dad’s wishes – and it can cost them if they fail. No winning here.

In general, here‘s how a narcissistic father can affect a daughter or son.

https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/the-intelligent-divorce/201303/the-narcissistic-fatherCloud 11

PAS resources

Narcissistic personality disorder

S Akhtar – The Disorders: Specialty Articles from the Encyclopedia …, 2001 – books.google.com
a high regard for authority and strict inner morality, while the narcissist is often Kernberg, OF
(1975).” Borderline Conditions and Pathological Narcissism.” Jason Aronson, New York.
Developmental aspects in the assessment of narcissistic and so-called borderline personalities.

[BOOK] Borderline personality disorder: A clinical guide

JG Gunderson – 2009 – books.google.com
For most families, the primary treatments are parental coaching and assisted problem solving
The de- velopment and influence of the Borderline Personality Disorder Re- search Foundation,
the explicit family ad- vocacy groups, and the adoption of BPD as a brain disease by the

[HTML] MMPI-2 validity scales and suspected parental alienation syndrome

JC Siegel, JS Langford – American Journal of Forensic Psychology, 1998 – fact.on.ca
(17) have found that parents with narcissistic personality disturbances were Wakefield H,
Underwager R: Personality characteristics of parents making false accusations of sexual ME:
Shared parenting agreements after marital separation: the roles of empathy and narcissism.

Parental alienation disorder and DSM-V

W Bernet – The American Journal of Family Therapy, 2008 – Taylor & Francis
Is antisocial personality disorder any more real than psychopathy? finally, there is an enormous
debate among child and adolescent psychiatrists as to the proper definition of childhood bipolar
disorder. Is autism caused by narcissistic mothers, immunizations, or something else

[HTML] The empowerment of children in the development of parental alienation syndrome

RA Gardner – American journal of forensic psychology, 2002 – deltabravo.net
may be aided by the alienated parent if that parent is passive by personality or becomes of
narcissism was not justifiable with the utilization of the more stringent criteria for narcissism to
be But even if some of the victims are narcissistic, that does not justify the conclusion that

Patterns of parental alienation syndrome: A qualitative study of adults who were alienated from a parent as a child

AJL Baker 1 – The American Journal of Family Therapy, 2006 – Taylor & Francis
A second underlying motivation of the alienation fueled by the mothers’ narcissism appears to
be For the narcissist, if she is angry with someone, the children should be as well. People with
narcissistic personality disorders tend to be arrogant and, therefore, are likely to devalue

[BOOK] Cognitive-behavioral treatment of borderline personality disorder

M Linehan – 1993 – books.google.com
Page 1. Cognitive Behavioral Treatment of Borderline Personality Disorder Marsha M. Linehan
Page 5. Cognitive-Behavioral Treatment of Borderline Personality Disorder Marsha M. Linehan,
Ph.D. University of Washington THE GUILFORD PRESS New York London This On.

Does DSM-IV have equivalents for the Parental Alienation Syndrome (PAS) diagnosis?

RA Gardner – American Journal of Family Therapy, 2003 – Taylor & Francis
Many examiners, then, may consciously and deliberately choose to use the term parental
alienation in the courtroom, even though they infected, loved at a distance, or deceived by spouse
or lover, or having a disease) of at 301.81 NARCISSISTIC PERSONALITY DISORDER

[BOOK] Adult children of parental alienation syndrome: Breaking the ties that bind

AJL Baker – 2010 – books.google.com
in a focused way the subject’s everyday life world as it related to parental alienation and the or
di- vorce, how he or she was told about the separation, which parent moved out of schedule
through the age of 18 (this section was eliminated for individuals whose parents were not

Narcissism and the narcissistic personality disorder: a comparison of the theories of Kernberg and Kohut

GA Russell – British journal of medical psychology, 1985 – Wiley Online Library
Kernberg emphasizes the role of hatred, coldness and of chronic intense envy of those who seem
to possess things the narcissist does not have. (2) Dejinition of narcissistic libido Kohut’s view
on narcissism diverges widely from its definition as ‘the libidinal investment of

Personality Dysfunction May Well Be At The Root Of Alienation

More than 90% of people in Western cultures marry or form “permanent” relationships by age 50.  And nearly 50% will divorce or split.  Second marriages have an even greater chance of failure.

All divorces are painful and traumatic and children always suffer as a result of their parents’ split.  But, while the parents may develop great antipathy toward each other most attempt to shield their children as much as possible from the emotional and psychological damage inherent in the family’s dissolution.  In some cases, however, when one parent is afflicted with a personality disorder he or she can inflict severe damage on the children which can result in Parental Alienation.

Pathological Narcissistic Personality Disorder is probably the most significant malevolent condition prevalent in one parent’s attempt to alienate children from the other. But different disorders have associated characteristics commonly identified with Parental Alienation and Parental Alienation Disorder.

positve

http://www.parent-alienate.com/personality-disorders.html

Posted in Parental Alienation PA

Who is the Loser?

Who is the Loser?

Woke up this morning happy and positive!

Just thinking about the summer holidays and had a moment of inspiration. Instead of thinking how sad, its the holidays and I will not be seeing my grandchildren I changed the viewpoint!!!

I remember back to the summer holidays over 23 years ago and thought how difficult it was juggling 2 young children, swimming clubs, cinema, McDonalds with washing, cleaning and more. I can recall how exhausting it all was and if only I had some help!!

Eureka!! They think they are punishing us, but are they??

They are really punishing themselves. The children/grandchildren could be with grandma now helping around the house, driving them to see their friends, taking them to the cinema or local leisure centre, and for the more lucky ones, even taking them away on holiday or coming to your home to visit.

So next time you feel sorry for yourself, feel sorry for them and their sad little world they have created for themselves just to punish you.

Then ask yourself – Who is the real loser?

winners and losers