It won’t be long before you will become privy to your narcissists frightening temper. At first their rage will be indirect, aimed at someone else. This demonstration of their power functions in such a way that it serves to intimidate and control others, including you. You are also likely to witness physical outbursts, like demonstratively putting their fists through a solid wall, breaking or throwing things, hurling abuse; and it won’t be too long after that when you will be on the receiving end of the violence. All of these tactics, along with their scathing criticism of you are designed to erode your self-esteem, your confidence, and give them even more control over you. The more fearful you become, the more they will rule by fear, it is as if their power is an aphrodisiac to them. As a result of the fear you will be subjected to, you will find yourself becoming highly vigilant, nervous and overly sensitive to every threat, walking on eggshells around your captor. The more insecure you become, the more powerful your narcissist becomes.
Bit by bit you will become isolated from all your supports; your family, friends and colleagues. The isolation is likely to happen without your realizing it; it may be through covert and overt acts of criticism in an attempt to turn you against the people you are closest to. Truth is that your narcissist can feel threatened by outsiders influencing you to see through the illusion they have created, so they need to isolate you. Their behaviour will become so demanding that you will withdraw rather than go through this punishing and tortuous interrogation every time you want to meet up with anybody. Friends and family tend to become tired of all the excuses you make, and they step back from you. Before you know what has happened, you are isolated, and job done for the narcissist.
Throughout this crazy behaviour, just to confuse things more, your narcissist switches to being a sweetheart. You see the person you fell in love with suddenly emerge once again. You’re beautiful Dr. Jekyll returns, and the evil Mr.(s). Hyde disappears out of sight, and your heart begins to sing once again. Your guards come down; you move close to your beloved once again, this move towards them melts away all the hatred and frustration you were feeling. You are filled with hope and a renewed optimism for the future, and you cling on with all of your might. But this phase does not last for long, and very soon you are back to the downward spiral yet again, and along with the fear comes renewed criticism from an even more enraged Mr(s) Hyde. It is this duality in the human nature of the narcissist (the “pull and push” behaviour) that leads to the Trauma Bonding (Stockholm Syndrome) and co-dependency needs that is so damaging for the victim. Whatever caused the change to the narcissist’s behaviour, you can be sure it will be your fault, because your narcissist never ever takes responsibility for their behaviour. Ultimately you are the blame; somehow you provoked whatever “bad” happens.
read more here:-Whether a man or a woman, take care not to give your heart too quickly to a narcissist!
Narcissistic Parents have many subtle – and some not-so-subtle- ways in which they abuse their children. These types of abuse include the following:
- Compulsively lying to children
- Ignores and/or overwhelms the children
- Neglects needs of the child
- Makes child feel as though he/she does not matter
- Puts parental needs far above those of the children
- Mold children to an “ideal” image
- Promotes and fosters a dependent relationship between parent and child
- Distorts the concept of “love”
- Manipulation for pleasure
- Says one thing one day, something else the next
- Uses the child’s vulnerabilities to exploit the child
- Subtly and not-subtly insults children
- Ignores personal boundaries
- Treats others as objects, not people
- Makes child feel as though he or she is insane
What Happens To The Adult Children of Narcissistic Parents?
Growing up with all emotional needs unmet, becoming a “mini-adult,” being the product of so much emotional abuse takes a tremendous toll on a child of a Narcissistic Parent. If the Narcissistic Parent does not stop the abuse or the child does not receive adequate help, one of two scenarios happens to adult children of Narcissistic Parents.
1) The child grows to have narcissistic traits, and becomes a Narcissistic Parent to his/her own children. This perpetuates the Narcissistic Cycle of Abuse.
2) The child becomes a “covert” or “inverted” narcissist who remains codependent and may actually seek out abusive relationships with other narcissists.
I’m The Adult Child of A Narcissistic Parent…What Now?
Healing from such a traumatic childhood is absolutely a daunting task. Having your own emotional needs unmet for so long may make the notion of recovery seemingly impossible. It’s not. Here are some guidelines for recovery for Adult Children of Narcissistic Parents:
- Begin working through the grieving process – allow yourself to grieve the parent you never had.
Read more about grief and grieving.
- Acknowledge that you’ve never learned how to properly deal with feelings, and begin to start working through these feelings.
- Work toward loving that little child inside you in the ways your Narcissistic Parent never did.
- Stop hoping that your Narcissistic Parent will change – he or she will not change.
- Remind yourself every day that you need to take care of yourself – those needs for self-care are incredibly important.
- Remember – you matter too. A lot.
- You do not need to harm yourself or hate yourself. You’re a great person, worthy of love and devotion.
Read more about self-injury.
Read more about self-loathing.
- Stop being afraid of your Narcissistic Parent – you are an adult, you survived hell, and you need to reclaim your life as your own. Start by erasing that fear.
- Get rid of that feeling of not fitting in or belonging. It was put there by your Narcissistic Parent and it’s got to go.
- We are none of us alone – that means you, too!
- Find and connect with other Adult Children of Narcissistic Parents.
- Find a therapist who specializes in treating Adult Children of Narcissistic Parents.
- You’re probably still afraid of “getting into trouble” thanks to the way your Narcissistic Parent treated you. You’re an adult now, and you don’t answer to anyone but yourself.
- Release some of that anger. Smash some plates. Scream. Hit a pillow. Anything to let the anger of being an Adult Child of Narcissistic Parent out.
- Learn to be autonomous – start by making small decisions for yourself, and learn that you – yes YOU – are in charge of your own life.
- You are more than worthy. No matter what your Narcissistic Parent told you, you are more than worthy.
- Guilt. Ah, guilt. The best friend and worst enemy of an Adult Child of Narcissistic Parents. This may be the hardest of all the feelings to fight against, but you must. When that guilt is gnawing away at you, tell it to piss off.
Read more about guilt.
- You do not need to feel guilty if you decide not to stay in touch with your Narcissistic Parent – it may be for your own good.
- Remember that your needs are important. Don’t be afraid to make them know and ask for what you need.
– See more at: http://www.bandbacktogether.com/adult-children-of-Narcissistic-parents-resources/#sthash.vvM5RZCs.dpuf