In the newspaper advice column Annie’s Mailbox by Kathy Mitchell and Marcy Sugar, there has recently been a series of letters from the parents of adult children who have cut them out of their lives. The parents complain that they have absolutely no idea why and do not understand what made this happen, and they seem to indicate that they had been just model parents or, at worst, guilty of some very minor parental transgressions.
Lately, a couple of other letter writers opined that just perhaps the parental behavior was a lot more problematic than these folks would have the world believe. For the most part, whenever I delve into the family dynamics of those patients who either cut off parents or who have been cut off like this, that is almost always the case.
In reading the letters from the parents who just cannot seem to figure out why their children have cut them off, a question arises. Are they really that clueless? Are they, as people are wont to say “in denial?” – whatever that means? To me, “denial” of reality is just – how should I put this? – lying.
Parents Cut Off by Adult Children
Gladys Tordil, 44, a high school teacher in Prince George’s County, Maryland, filed a protective order against her husband, Eulalio Tordil, 62, in March. She alleged that he subjected her children to “intense-military-like discipline” and physically abused one child for over a decade. She said he threatened to harm her if she left him, and owned multiple guns.
read the full article here:- http://www.lovefraud.com/2016/05/07/eulalio-tordil-allegedly-shoots-his-estranged-wife-and-then-tries-to-provoke-suicide-by-cop/
Worth a read. A good article which finally concludes that it’s not always the parents that are to blame but that children can grow up with ‘you didn’t put me first when society tells me I should be the centre of your universe and everyone else’s!’ attitude. Some recognition here that parents do not need more child guidance advice. They need help with coping with the blame their child dishes out.
Another good article written from the perspective of an estranged parent.
SUPPORT AND RESOURCES FOR THOSE GOING THROUGH RELATIONSHIP BREAKDOWN
An alienated parent inspired
I had a moment of inspiration last week after 25 years of soul searching.
I am currently reading a book by Neale Donald Walsch called “What GOD said”. I have read many of his books and they have helped me reach where I am today. There is a passage in the book that asks you to think of a question where you have been searching for an answer for a very long time. Well you can guess what my question was
“Why is this happening to me and how do I deal with it in the long term”?
The writer of the book suggested that you ask yourself the question with a honest open non judgemental mind and the answer will come to you before you have even had chance to put the question down on paper. Sure enough, it happened, just like Neale Donald Walsch said, instant!!!
My answer was :–
Your children love you and always will!!!
They are unfortunate enough to have been caught up in their father’s drama and Narcissic world.
They are not strong enough to make their own decisions about what they want to do,
they can do nothing, they don’t know how to??
Sit back and be happy in the knowledge that they love you in their own way and always will and be grateful for that. ……….
It is a good enough answer for me and I feel relief, gratitude and acceptance that after all the reading and research and finally asking myself the question that I had the answer within myself all the time.
It just took a little time for it to come to me! hallelujah