Posted in Alienation


A NPA may exonerate their version of “shared parenting,” but in reality, they

practice sole custody with near or total termination of target parent contact

and rights with the children. If the alienator has physical custody (especially

long distance) of the child or teen and the alienation has hit an acute level, it

may become a danger for the target parent to have the child anywhere near

them. Frequently, the target is forced into supervised visitation on frivolous

grounds of “interfering” with the narcissistic alienator’s manipulative rela-
tionship with the children. NPAs often fuel their own behavior by falsely

complaining to the world about the target parent and often conceal the truth

that most of them have joint custody, but mislead others to believe it is sole

custody. If the target parent is upset or reacts angrily at the alienator’s be-
havior, this equates in their narcissistic mind as “proof” that the target parent

is lying. The reality is often that the NPA lives by the motto that former

General Alexander Haig once so eloquently stated: “That’s not a lie; it’s a

terminological inexactitude and a tactical misrepresentation.”

Liz Richards author of the Washington Times commentary on April 23,

2006 and headlined as: “The Other Side of Fathers’ Rights Controversy” re-

Many professional statistical studies show high win rates for fathers ac-
cused of family abuse along with low rates of false allegations against

fathers, while little is said about the known fact disputing fathers are the

most vicious false accusers. (Richards, 2006, p. 26)

Unadulterated Arrogance 421

Richards expands on the fact that in their 1996 report “Domestic Vio-
lence and the Courtroom,” the American Judges Association in Williamsburg,

Virginia, noted that:

. . . wife batterers and child abusers convince family court officials that

their ex-wives are ‘unfit’ or ‘undeserving’ of sole custody in roughly 70

percent of contested custody battles. Since then, at least 23 states have

conducted gender-bias studies; all with similar findings. (Richards, 2006,

p. 26)

While it is true that most violent narcissists are men who will often re-
quest a protective order or file assault charges against their female victims.

Unfortunately, the courts have paid very little attention to the high rate of

dismissed complaints against mothers and stepparents, initiated by fathers,

because we live in a world where justice can be radically lopsided and nar-
cissists will use the system to the maximum.

Researcher Joanna Ashmun, whose work Narcissistic Personality Disor-
der (NPD): How to Recognize a Narcissist reveals:

The most telling thing that narcissists do is contradict themselves. They

do this virtually in the same sentence, without even stopping to take a

breath. It can be trivial (e.g., about what they want for lunch) or it can

be serious (e.g., about whether or not they love you). When you ask

them which one they mean, they’ll deny ever saying the first one, though

it may literally have been only seconds since they said it—really, how

could you think they’d ever have said that? You need to have your head

examined! They will contradict FACTS.

They will lie to you about things that you did together or about what

opposing counsel and judges state. They will misquote you to yourself.

If you disagree with them, they’ll say you’re lying, making stuff up, or

are crazy. (Ashmun, 2004)

For comparative demonstration, it is interesting to consider Ashmun’s

chart and compare puerile-like characteristics of the NPD and the NPA with

normal six-year-olds.


Furthermore, Joanna Ashmun accurately, and yet provocatively reminds us


Narcissists lack a mature conscience and seem to be restrained only by

fear of being punished or of damaging their reputations—though, again,

this can be obscure to casual observation if you don’t know what they

think their reputations are, and what they believe others think of them

may be way out of touch with reality. Their moral intelligence is about

at the level of a bright five- or six-year-old; the only rules they recognize

are things that have been specifically required, permitted, prohibited,

or disapproved of by authority figures they know personally. Narcissists

can’t be counted on not to do something just because it’s wrong, illegal,

or will hurt someone, as long as they think that they can get away with

it or that you can’t stop them or punish them (i.e., they don’t care what

you think unless they’re afraid of you). (Ashmun, 2004)