In the privacy of the home a different darker drama is being played out. Covert narcissistic mothers do not put their children at the centre of their lives. Like there grandiose sisters in psychopathology everything revolves around them. The image that they create as mother is the narcissists reality. The covert narcissistic mother is a master of injecting guilt into her child’s psyche. She/he always feels inadequate and wrong that he/she hasn’t lived up to his/her mothers standards. No matter what she/he does it will not be sufficient to win mothers love and the daughter/son takes this on as her fault. Covert narcissistic mothers rule out of intimidation. They pit one child against the other. This causes chaos and suspicion within the household. When you are “raised by a covert narcissistic mother” you are on your own. If she has chosen a golden child boy or girl, then you are either given no attention at all or strictly the negative kind you are always compared with the golden child and are labelled inferior. Continue reading “Growing up with a parent who is a covert narcissist”
Narcissistic parents want their child’s performance to reflect on them. The reasons for this are complex. Parents may be trying to compensate for what they believe are their own shortcomings. They may rely on their child’s success to bolster themselves up. In doing so, they are failing to see their child as a unique and autonomous individual. They refuse to recognize that their child is separate from them, with their own thoughts, feelings, and desires. A narcissistic parent tends to focus on or almost “feed” on their child’s accomplishments. They often do this, because something is lacking within them. They may try to use their child to fill an emptiness they feel within themselves. Continue reading “Why Narcissistic Parents Overly Connect to Their Children”
They found that people with more spiteful tendencies were more likely to also show hints of callousness, Machiavellianism, poor self-esteem, aggression, and guilt-free shame. Conversely, those who were less likely to be spiteful were also more likely to feel guilt, had higher self-esteem, and were more agreeable and conscientious. Not surprisingly, they found that men were more likely to be spiteful — perhaps out of their tendency to be more aggressive and dominating. Young adults were also more spiteful than older ones. “You get older and you learn from experience,” Marcus said, according to CBS, “and you just may not have the energy for it.”
Their scale, the researchers wrote, will “be able to predict behavior in both laboratory settings and everyday life, contribute to the diagnosis of personality disorders… and encourage further study of this neglected, often destructive trait.”
Continue reading “Spitefulness Scale: What Traits Make A Person More Likely To Engage In The Destructive Behavior?”
Have you heard of nemesis? It is the inescapable agent of someone’s or something’s downfall. An agent of natural justice… some people call it “Karma” and believe that whatever goes, comes around and you have to pay for your evil deeds.
Nemesis catches vindictive people sooner or later!
Vengefulness is a negative streak, which can only be addressed by our own inner voice. Like all negative emotions, it does hold some goodness. It acquaints us with our real self. it might lead us to introspection!
Negative emotions are very subtle and deceptive. They absorb more energy but they often walk away victorious, testing our patience and strength, ennobling us, belittling our ego, thereby transforming us into humble human beings.
Continue reading “Why Are Some Human Beings So Vindictive?”
Are narcissists vindictive? Do they stalk and harass?
Narcissists are often vindictive and they often stalk and harass. Basically, there are only two ways of coping with vindictive narcissists:
I. To Frighten Them
Narcissists live in a state of constant rage, repressed aggression, envy and hatred. They firmly believe that everyone is like them. As a result, they are paranoid, suspicious, scared and erratic. Frightening the narcissist is a powerful behaviour modification tool. If sufficiently deterred – the narcissist promptly disengages, gives up everything he fought for and sometimes make amends.
To act effectively, one has to identify the vulnerabilities and susceptibilities of the narcissist and strike repeated, escalating blows at them – until the narcissist lets go and vanishes.
Continue reading “Vindictive Narcissists | HealthyPlace”
- Don’t buy into their gossip or attempts to turn you against another person
- Encourage positivity and proactive approaches to life
- Disengage with vindictive and negative people – they will only destroy your mojo as well as the person that is their target
- See the signs as early as possible, and realise that there is no place in your life for people like this
- If they say that they have done something vindictive before, stay away from them. They will most likely be a repeat offender
- They will affect your life no matter what, so avoid at all costs.
They build grudges
A person with a vindictive personality disorder builds grudges, stores pain points against themselves and others to justify their feelings. It’s always someone else’s fault and you will never find them in a situation where they will apologise. They don’t realise that they cannot harm others without harming themselves, and not only come unstuck in their personal lives but also in their careers.
If something doesn’t go their way, they attempt to intimidate you or manipulate you. They will throw out lines to try and scare you, and if they are in the workplace will deliberately show co-workers that they have power by deliberately not doing what their job requires, or ensuring that they are spending endless hours at lunch and via such mediums as text, messenger and skype to draw you in. They may seem to be making fun of someone at first and that may seem harmless, but the aim is to build a wedge between you and the target for that day, week, month, year.
Once you become a target, a vindictive person will try and destroy you. They need to prove you are the ultimate loser by destroying you. Unfortunately in this day and age, there is the internet – a perfect forum for people with vindictive personality disorders to play out their anger or pain, and try and cause reputational damage among other types of damage.
What they haven’t realised is that “anger, revenge, and harassment comes from a place of weakness” and eventually they will burn those around them, and ultimately themselves.
Continue reading “The narrative of a vindictive person- They build grudges “
Their pain is unbearable
A vindictive person has misguided pain. They feel frustrated, helpless, hurt or ignored and are unable to change their circumstances without ensuring that they affect others in the meantime. They don’t have the necessary strength inside to find better ways to handle their feelings.
Instead, they lash out and convert pain into anger and seek revenge by taking that pain out on others.
Most commonly, they want to bring others down with them. They feel by using the power of manipulation, they are able to not have to experience the misery by themselves – they can in fact bring others in. They are the core of toxic behaviour in the workplace and contrary to many stories you read, it often is someone in a team, and not the manager or leader who is usually too busy to notice what is really going on.
Continue reading “The narrative of a vindictive person – Parental Alienators”
Many early psychological views toward revenge were based on the larger concept of emotional catharsis. This idea, still widely held in the popular culture, suggests that venting aggression ultimately purges it from the body. But empirical research failed to validate the theory of catharsis, and some recent work contradicts it entirely. In a 2002 paper in the Personality and Social Psychology Bulletin, APS Fellow Brad Bushman of The Ohio State University reported higher levels of aggression in people who had supposedly vented their anger than in those who had done nothing at all.
If cathartic activity fails to dissolve hostility in general, what is to say revenge will dissolve the anger caused by one offense in particular? That doubt laid the foundation for a recent series of tests led by Kevin Carlsmith of Colgate, who conducted the research with APS Fellows and Charter Members Timothy Wilson of the University of Virginia and Daniel Gilbert of Harvard. Wilson and Gilbert have often found that people make powerful mistakes when predicting how they will feel about something in the future; with Carlsmith, they asked whether people could be wrong about the expected emotional benefits of revenge as well. Perhaps revenge is sweet, or perhaps the words of Francis Bacon are more accurate: “A man that studieth revenge, keeps his own wounds green, which otherwise would heal, and do well.”
Continue reading “The Complicated Psychology of Revenge – Association for Psychological Science”
People who are more vengeful tend to be those who are motivated by power, by authority and by the desire for status,” he says. “They don’t want to lose face.”
In his study, McKee surveyed 150 university students who answered questions about their attitudes toward revenge, authority and tradition, and group inequality. He found that the students whose answers showed a deference to authority and respect for traditions and social dominance, had the most favorable opinions about revenge and retribution.
Those personalities, McKee says, “tend to be less forgiving, less benevolent and less focused on universal-connectedness-type values.”
There’s also a cultural dimension to people’s predilection for revenge, says revenge researcher Michele Gelfand, PhD, a professor of psychology at the University of Maryland, College Park. She and her collaborators Garriy Shteynberg and Kibum Kim have found that different events trigger the revenge process in different cultures; American students feel more offended when their rights are violated, whereas Korean students feel more offended when their sense of duty and obligation is threatened, they show in a paper in the January Journal of Cross-Cultural Psychology. That distinction could fuel intercultural conflicts when one side seeks vengeance for a slight the other didn’t even know it committed. For example, an American might be more likely to seek revenge on someone who impinges on his or her right to voice an opinion, whereas public criticism that embarrasses a Korean in front of his or her friends might be more likely to trigger revenge feelings.
Continue reading “Revenge and the people who seek it”