Basically, there are only two ways of coping with vindictive narcissists:
1. To Frighten Them
Narcissists live in a state of constant rage, repressed aggression, envy and hatred. They firmly believe that everyone is like them. As a result, they are paranoid, suspicious, scared and erratic. Frightening the narcissist is a powerful behaviour modification tool. If sufficiently deterred – the narcissist promptly disengages, gives up everything he was fighting for and sometimes make amends.
To act effectively, one has to identify the vulnerabilities and susceptibilities of the narcissist and strike repeated, escalating blows at them – until the narcissist lets go and vanishes.
If a narcissist is hiding a personal fact – one should use this to threaten him. One should drop cryptic hints that there are mysterious witnesses to the events and recently revealed evidence. The narcissist has a very vivid imagination. Let his imagination do the rest.
A vindictive person is someone with an enduring need for vengeance. People who are prone to vindictive behavior have a high level of negative emotions, and often take out their anger by hurting their loved ones in some way, via psychological or physical abuse and manipulation.
Vindictiveness is also commonly a result of a personality disorder such as borderline personality disorder and narcissistic personality disorder. Borderline personality disorder is also characterized by excessive and impulsive behaviors, emotional instability, a strong fear of abandonment, self-destruction, paranoid thoughts and unstable self-awareness. Narcissistic personality disorder may include an exaggerated sense of self-value, lack of empathy, self-centeredness, repressed aggression, hatred, envy, paranoid and suspicious thoughts and behavior. A vindictive personality can negatively impact social, family and work relationships.
Psychologists and researchers believe that human behavior is determined by the genes and the kind of environment we live in. While the role of Nature and Nurture has always been accepted, even the best of upbringing and education couldn’t exterminate the innate vindictiveness of human beings.
It can be discerned in the innocent squabbling of toddlers; it gets sharpened when they grow up to face the competitive world of sports and schooling and slowly it becomes a part of their personality.
Probably the real reason is rooted in the evolution of human race, which had to struggle to survive against all odds and challenging circumstances. In modern times, when people are blessed with all kinds of materialistic and spiritual choices, revenge refuses to slacken its hold on human psyche.
Why? What could be the possible reasons?
Look for hallmarks like the contempt sneer, a slight nostril flare, holding eye contact just a few seconds too long, and deep brooding looks that rapidly convert to faces camouflaging deep-seated levels of dark and murky rage from people with ASPD affectations.
If they hold your gaze for more than 5 seconds, understand the most common fantasies or free thought flow patterns most Sociopaths or Psychopaths report include thoughts of sexual domination or destroying their target. What that means is, if they cannot stop themselves from staring at you, they are striving to both capture your attention while secretly planning to use and abuse you.
If given the choice between a broken bone and being dumped by a romantic partner, or between a black eye and being slandered by a close friend, many would seriously consider enduring the physically painful options over those that are psychologically and relationally so. (Barnes, Brown, & Osterman, , p. 400)
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People may react differently when individuals of different ages commit a social faux pas. Younger (22 to 35 years old) and older (65 to 77 years old) participants read vignettes where age of characters committing social transgressions varied (young vs. old). Participants rated whether the offended person would respond with engagement, confrontational, and avoidant behaviors and how much people would blame or forgive the transgressor. Multilevel models revealed endorsement of avoidant behaviors with older transgressors, confrontational behaviors with younger transgressors, and engagement behaviors with both. Levels of blame and forgiveness mediated this association, with less blame and greater forgiveness of older adults. Discussion focuses on the social input model and why adults may regulate reactions to interpersonal problems with older adults.
Effective processing of a transgression must involve accepting responsibility for one’s wrongdoing. However accepting responsibility may mean increasing the threat of social exclusion which offenders face as a result of their transgression, yet humans are fundamentally motivated to avoid this type of threat. Pseudo self-forgiveness is the use of minimization of harm, denial of wrongdoing, or victim derogation in order to release oneself from guilt and shame. This research examines the defensive psychological process of pseudo self-forgiveness and the impact of threat to belonging on a transgressor’s engagement with this defensive response in both an experimental setting and real life. Study 1 used a lab based approach, manipulating the threat to belonging with an ostracism task. Ostracized participants minimized harm to the victim, reported less shame, regret and self-anger and less desire to reconcile with the victim. Study 2 followed participants over the 11 days after committing an interpersonal transgression. Results of analyses with linear mixed modeling suggest that the more rejected participants felt the more they engaged in pseudo self-forgiveness. Hostile responses from the victim were positively associated with pseudo self-forgiveness and others’ respectful confrontation was negatively associated with pseudo self-forgiveness. Results suggest that need for belonging is a key variable for rehabilitation after committing a transgression.