Rescuer Category

How to Stop Being the Rescuer.

Rather than try to offer advice, practice asking “How” or “What” questions, i.e. How do you feel about that? or What do you think your next step is? Practice talking about yourself rather than being the therapist in your relationships; share the latest news in your life Take healthy space from the broken people in your life; allot […]

Read More

Why do we try to fix damaged people?

Sometimes we do it because it is painful to see the person we love suffering. Caregivers and empaths have innate tendency to want to be of service. Other times we expend our efforts in trying to save people because it makes us feel good. We unconsciously take on the “rescuer identity” and don our superhero […]

Read More

How can you save someone who doesn’t want to be saved?

You don’t. You learn to love them. Have you ever asked that question? I have many times in my efforts to run to the rescue for the people I loved. Sometimes the people we love reach a point where we need to learn how to back off. They may reach a deep place of brokenness. […]

Read More

When you carry the Nurturer Gene, fixing other people can easily become a destructive self-identity. 

  You will martyr yourself over and over again in order to meet the invisible quota of Lives Helped that floats above your head. You will obsessively analyze how every choice you make might impact those around you. You will assess every meal, every dollar spent, every vacation taken (or not taken) based on how it will […]

Read More

Are You a Natural Caregiver?

You’ll know if you have this trait too, because people will often tell you their secrets mere minutes after meeting you. When someone has just been in a car accident or broken up with their boyfriend, you wrap your arms around them and for the first time that day, their body fully relaxes. People tell […]

Read More

Addicted to Helping: Why We Need to Stop Trying to Fix People

“Compassion is not a relationship between the healer and the wounded. It’s a relationship between equals.” ~Pema Chodron After college, I was hustling hard to get a work visa so that I could stay in the US. But then my mom got caught up in a political scandal, and without much reflection on how much […]

Read More

“People pleasing”

Besides the lack of authentic bonding, suspicions are commonplace among members. Members are afraid of each other and each other’s intentions, members show a lot of signs of stress, feeling “unseen” and “unheard”, and these families can graduate into alcoholic families, authoritarian families and crime families.  “People pleasing” is often a major focus and “an […]

Read More