How to Detect Lying & Deception

Deny, Deny, Deny

Deny. 

“It wasn’t me.”

“I didn’t do that.”

“That’s not what happened.”

They will deny any and all of your allegations.

Deflect.

“You did this.”

“This happened because someone else did this.”

“Someone else dropped the ball.”

They will deflect the blame onto someone else- including you. 

Devalue. 

This is your fault.”

You are the problem.”

“You caused this.”

“You have done x,y, and z to cause this.”

“Your past solicited this.”

“I did this because of you.”

In addition to deflecting blame, they will devalue you and make you wish you had never confronted them. Devaluing is a huge part of the narcissistic relationship. When it comes to devaluing you, catching them in a lie will be no different than dealing with any other conflict. 

Dismiss.

It doesn’t matter.”

“Can we just move on.”

“I don’t want to talk about this right now.”

“Just forget it.”

They will sweep everything that is important to you under the rug. Your feelings won’t be acknowledged or valued. They will do this in order to keep you under their control and to remain in the driver’s seat. 

Continue reading “Deny, Deny, Deny”

What Narcissists Lie About

Narcissists can and will lie about everything they need to in order to get their needs and wants met. Some of the most common lies you will hear from them are as follows.

“I promise.” The narcissist will like to make a lot of empty promises. They will promise to take care of this, to do that, to be faithful to you, to show up on time. They will even promise you the impossible. They will make these promises in order to appease you in the moment but will rarely ever live up to these promises. If they do, it will solely be because they think it will help with keeping you under their control. 

“It’s not my fault.” The narcissist will absolutely never accept fault or acknowledge their wrongdoings. If they do verbalize any form of accountability for their actions, it will solely be for the purpose of keeping you calm and content with them. Remember that even if they do this, they don’t actually mean it. 

“Don’t worry.” The narcissist will nearly always tell you not to worry in response to your expressions of concern. They always want to be left to do what they want to do. If they sense that you might get in the way of their quest, they will convince you not to worry about it. You should definitely not believe them. Trust your gut. If you feel worried, you should probably be worried. 

Another way they will deceive you is through gaslighting. In short, they will use lies in order to make you think that you are crazy. This is their way of breaking you down so you are more dependent upon them. If you are beginning to question your sanity, it is nearly always because you have been gaslit. 

https://thriveglobal.com/stories/catching-a-narcissist-in-a-lie-what-happens/

If you’re dealing with a narcissist then you’re dealing with a liar.

Since narcissists are trying to control everything in their lives, they are capable and likely to lie about everything in their lives. They’ll even lie about things that are readily verifiable. Because of this, it will be easy to catch a narcissist in a lie; however, it will not be easy to confront them.

https://thriveglobal.com/stories/catching-a-narcissist-in-a-lie-what-happens/

The use of deceit and/or manipulation to get what they want.

Antisocial personality disorder is characterized by a pervasive pattern of disregard for consequences and for the rights of others.

  • People with antisocial personality disorder go after what they want without considering the consequences for themselves or others and without feeling any remorse or guilt.
  • Doctors diagnose antisocial personality disorder based on symptoms, including disregard for consequences and for the rights of others and use of deceit and/or manipulation to get what they want.
  • Antisocial personality disorder is difficult to treat, but cognitive-behavioral therapy, mentalization-based therapy, and certain drugs may help lessen aggression and impulsive behavior.

Personality disorders are long-lasting, pervasive patterns of thinking, perceiving, reacting, and relating that cause the person significant distress and/or impair the person’s ability to function.

People with antisocial personality disorder may commit unlawful, deceitful, exploitative, and reckless acts for personal profit or pleasure and without remorse. They may

  • Justify or rationalize their behavior (for example, they may think that “losers deserved to lose”)
  • Blame the victim for being foolish or helpless
  • Be indifferent to the exploitative and harmful effects of their actions on others
  • Callously disregard the rights and feelings of others and the law

Estimates of how common antisocial personality disorder is vary between 0.2% (1 in 500) to a little over 3% of the general population in the United States. It is 6 times more common among men. The disorder is less common in older age groups, suggesting that people can learn over time to change their behavior.

Other disorders are also often present. These disorders include

Most people with antisocial personality disorder also have a substance use disorder.

https://www.merckmanuals.com/home/mental-health-disorders/personality-disorders/antisocial-personality-disorder

Are pathological liars narcissistic?

Also, do not shy away from saying that a person is lying. People generally say, “That is not true,” or “That is false,” in response to someone lying. However, gaslighters/narcissists are pathological liars

https://www.forbes.com/sites/stephaniesarkis/2019/06/02/why-narcissists-and-gaslighters-blatantly-lie-and-get-away-with-it/?sh=29f1ac5943b0

Remind yourself how lying messes up your life.

Lying destroys relationships and adds a tremendous burden to your life. Understanding that there will be consequences is a powerful deterrent in breaking the habit of lying. Phillip suffered the consequences of his lying in a big way: “I used to lie all the time, and I would normally end up getting caught in the end. It took me going to prison to find out that the truth is a much better way to go then to lie about everything. Take the time to think about what the consequences are going to be of what I say or are about to do?”

How To Stop Lying

Jennifer realizes lying can go from one generation to the next. One hurt person will then hurt another person because the curse of lying is not stopped.

Once we see how easy it can be to lie and to control what other people think about us, we start sliding down that slippery slope leading to a miserable, addicted place.

So the most important question we can ask today is: How do we stop lying?

8 Practical Steps to Stop Lying

Admit you have a problem.

https://www.thehopeline.com/how-to-stop-lying-part-1/

Do pathological liars hate it when other people lie about them?

Pathological liars lie about almost anything. With personal experience dealing with pathological liars is they dont appreciate having their lies and ability/techniques to hide/fool found out/exposed to the victims they are using. They target and abuse ‘nice people that believe and trust them…..pathological liars are emotionally abusive parasites .

https://www.quora.com/Do-pathological-liars-hate-it-when-other-people-lie-about-them

Can pathological liars be helped?

No medication will fix the issue. The best option is psychotherapy. But even therapy canpose challenges, because pathological liars aren’t in control of their lying. They may start telling lies to the therapist instead of addressing the problem directly.

https://www.webmd.com/mental-health/what-to-know-pathological-liars