There’s a pithy saying that’s all too true: Hurt people hurt people. One of the most difficult ideas for parents to wrap their minds around is that, despite your best intentions and honest efforts, your child feels hurt somehow by the way you relate to him. And that’s why he doesn’t want to be close.
We have research on this, and it’s true across the board. Adult children cut off their parents only as a way to protect themselves. It’s not to punish you, or because they don’t care about you. It’s because they’ve been hurt too many times.
That’s an extremely painful and confusing reality for most parents to grasp. Especially if you’ve tried your hardest to love and protect your child all her life. And yet it’s possible to do your best and still unwittingly do damage. It’s part of human relationships, and none of us can ever really escape that risk. Especially parents. Continue reading “Is Your Estranged Son or Daughter a Narcissist?”
Breaking up with a histrionic or narcissist? Be prepared for the battle of your life! While you are an emotional basket case, he is as Cold as Ice! While you are left holding down the fort and dealing with the real-life responsibilities, he walks away from everything leaving you to mop off his stage and pay his bills. He will punish you in ways you couldn’t possibly have ever imagined… …. and not even acknowledge it to himself! Why? Because he’s off charming the socks off of new women as if your years together didn’t even exist! And to him they didn’t! The narcissist has a ‘counterfeit heart’!
Narcissists tend to make very good first impressions on others. They are excellent actors and can fool almost anybody, even trained individuals. However, they have counterfeit hearts. Underneath their brilliant exterior lies a man that is self-centered and self-focused, dishonest, irresponsible, disloyal, and lacking emotions, remorse, and a conscience. These men live with a false sense of grandiosity and specialness and are easily found to be arrogant and deceitful. Underneath their fake exterior is an empty fraud who seemingly is lacking a human soul.
“Women know how to fake orgasm. Men know how to fake an entire relationship.” ~ Sharon Stone Continue reading “How falling in love with a narcissist has changed me forever”
This article was mailed to our attention just a few days ago. As many of you know, We receive as many as 200 e-mails every day, we can not respond to everyone right away, but we do respond to everyone eventually… I have not been able to reach the author of this article, but I will continue to try. Either way, it is a must read and I will provide a link to the website for further review at the beginning of said article.
In any event, my primary concern for expediting the sharing of this with you is because we do receive countless e-mails referencing Parental Alienation. My own children Christopher Joseph and Leesha Dawn both suffer from the adverse effects of Parental Alienation. I will write more about how this has affected their well-being as well as all I have done, to no avail, to help them. Quickly though, I recently sent them cards on Fathers Day, before doing so, I offered Family Counseling, anything to help remedy this matter but again, it was to no avail. Unfortunately, this is the direct result of their mother’s efforts as she stated years ago, “I will make sure our children hate you” Well Becky, “Good Job” you have succeeded! But, what about our children and the adverse effects your decision has made on their emotional well-being?
“Parental Alienation is an emotional act of violence that is aimed at an adult but critically wounds a child” – Steve Maraboli, Author and Behavioral Scientist Continue reading “LONG TERM EFFECTS OF PARENTAL ALIENATION”
Tears are streaming down my face as I share this. He and I were together for over 34 years and married for over 33 years. He was an incredible man and deserved to be a father to his children, and a grandfather to his grandchildren. There was no reason to keep him from his children or his grandchildren, other than ……. well, how do I even try to explain why someone would keep him from his children and grandchildren? Because there is no reason, and there is no explanation.
It was a heartbreaking situation and there was no reason for it.
Here’s his narrative:
It’s time I put some facts in writing about my relationship with my children. Having a relationship with L*** and C***** was difficult due to their mother’s interference. I have many letters from D**** showing how difficult she made things. L*** and C***** are loyal to their mother but they never stood up to her and tell her that the things she was doing were hurtful. One week we would see the girls then the next we wouldn’t. For 25 years this went on. The girls learned from their mother if there’s something you don’t like you don’t let me have visitation. I didn’t stop seeing my grandchildren, they were kept from me. Much has been said about C***** in this matter. C***** is not the villain here no matter what some people say. Those people are only trying to remake history. This has happened too many times in the past. Will it happen again? I lost 7 years of seeing my grandchildren that needs to be talked about! C***** is my wife. Ignoring her is not going to make her go away. She has to be included in any conversations we have. D**** R******* continues to put herself in my business. For us to go any further, this has to stop! Only you girls can make that happen.
Our targeted parent was never able to finish his story. Brain cancer robbed him of his ability to write very early on.
Luckily he was able to reconcile with his oldest daughter a few years before his death and got to know her child — his granddaughter. His daughter, son-in-law, and granddaughter were such a joy to him in his final years. It’s a shame they missed out on several years with this incredible man, but I think everyone made up for it at the end. He cherished them and they were all with him — laughing and enjoying being together — until the bitter end.
The tears are flowing again ……. Continue reading “THE STORY OF A TARGETED PARENT, IN HIS OWN WORDS”
Direct and indirect effects of exposure to 19 parental alienation strategies in 118 adult children of divorce were examined via a confidential and anonymous computer survey. We investigated the nature and prevalence of alienation strategies to which this sample was exposed as well as associations between exposure and self-esteem and self-sufficiency. In turn, we examined and found associations between self-esteem and higher rates of depression and insecure attachment styles and a trend for an association with alcohol abuse. All effects were found even after controlling for histories of physical abuse, sexual abuse, and psychological maltreatment. These findings add to the growing body of evidence regarding the long-term consequences of experiencing parental alienation and indicate that in general, exposure to more alienation behaviors leads to more negative outcomes in children of divorce, which can be seen across the life span. Continue reading “To Turn a Child Against a Parent Is To Turn a Child Against Himself”
A qualitative retrospective study was conducted on 38 adults who experienced parental alienation as a child. Individuals participated in one-hour semi-structured interviews. Audiotapes were transcribed verbatim, and submitted to a content analysis for primary themes and patterns. Findings pertaining to the long-term effects of parental alienation were analyzed for this article. Results revealed seven major areas of impact: (1) low self-esteem, (2) depression, (3) drug/alcohol abuse, (4) lack of trust, (5) alienation from own children, (6) divorce, and (7) other. These seven themes are discussed at length to provide the first glimpse into the lives of adult children of parental alienation. Continue reading “The Long-Term Effects of Parental Alienation on Adult Children”
Parental alienation. Finally, it’s accepted that this is a real problem and that it occurs all too frequently. More is being discovered about how a seemingly conscienceless alienating parent abuses their children and targets the other parent,…
Source: Damage Done By Parental Alienation
Over-the-top emotions are one way our in-laws attempt to control us and our relationships. Stirring up the drama with reactions that are way out of line with the situation allows our mother and father-in-laws to control situations and garner sympathy, casting them in the light of the victim and ourselves in the role as villain every single time.
Another way our in-laws stir up drama is by gossiping about us when we aren’t there, or butting in where they don’t belong. Hearing through the grapevine that an in-law is bad-mouthing you to family, friends and neighbors is a definitive sign that something’s gone wrong and a definitive sign that you need to hit pause and reassess where you are and where you want to go with your relationship. Continue reading “They love to stir-up drama”