To cope with the breakup, narcissists will fantasize about their exes still being in love with them. Narcissists will try to interfere with their former partners’ lives, first by using digital means, like texts, phone calls, or the internet. They will turn to the stalking entirely once they realize their previous methods give the victim an easy way to reject them.
Do you think people who beat, rape, shout at, con, and otherwise abuse others are happy people? Do you think you can abuse a child and still be a genuinely happy person? Do you think you can sexually and physically abuse someone and feel authentic happiness?
Do you think it really matters that some of them have money or a respectable job? Sure, money can provide a sense of safety, and having social power can indeed be useful. But ultimately, the price that they pay for it is an even bigger loss of self. This makes their feelings of misery and self-loathing even stronger. And its not like they wake up one day and change their mind and behavior. All the lies, deception, hiding, being abusive, creating stories and justifications, fighting with people all of it continues to spread and pile up.
Eventually decent people dont want to associate with them, but they are older and more miserable, so they start feeling more and more desperation. Some of them try to change their behavior out of fear of mortality or loneliness or need for narcissistic supply. Some try to guilt-trip or shame or bully others into giving them resources, but it becomes harder and harder.
Some don’t even have the stomach for it, or will get only so far before they give up from fear, intimidation, and/or sheer exhaustion.
And never expect them to run out of steam or back down. They thrive on running you ragged, on ‘winning’, on seeing you punished for daring to go up against them.
Remember when your narcissistic ex made you feel like YOU were the crazy one because they could NEVER be wrong about anything EVER!? They could argue that the sky is red and, in the end, make you think you had it all wrong this whole time by thinking it was blue.
You know exactly what I’m talking about my fellow sufferers of narcissistic spouses.
And if you need a refresher on how a narcissist operates, listen here:Continue reading “The only thing harder than being married to a narcissist is divorcing one.”
The problem with proving narcissistic personality disorder in court is the time, expense, and difficulty to actually prove it.
The effort will be exhausting and expensive and, in the end, could prove futile. The family court system simply isn’t set up to deal with the sh*t-storm associated with narcissism or other personality disorders, for that matter.
Highly-skilled NPD charmers easily dupe the courts, like they do most people. A judge may not see that your NPD co-parent is simply using the court to torture and control you through the kids.
I’ve known a few brave souls to attempt to prove to a judge that their ex is indeed a raging narcissist. None could. In fact, one brave woman tried for over four years – court dates, mandated evaluations, even lobbying government – but nothing came of it.Continue reading “Co-Parenting with a Narcissist”
A therapist must also maintain his or her boundaries at all times. This means that the therapy must be focused at all times on the patient, the patients problems and not the therapist. The therapist should not reveal any intimate information about himself or herself to the patient, and the therapist should not engage in any type of business, sexual, social or personal relationship with the patient other than psychotherapy. When a therapist fails to act in the above manner, it is a considered a breach of boundaries.”
- I can become entirely absorbed in thinking about my personal affairs, my health, my cares or my relations to others.
- ___ My feelings are easily hurt by ridicule or the slighting remarks of others.
- ___ When I enter a room I often become self-conscious and feel that the eyes of others are upon me.
- ___ I dislike sharing the credit of an achievement with others.
- ___ I feel that I have enough on my hand without worrying about other people’s troubles.
- ___ I feel that I am temperamentally different from most people.
- ___ I often interpret the remarks of others in a personal way.
- ___ I easily become wrapped up in my own interests and forget the existence of others.
- ___ I dislike being with a group unless I know that I am appreciated by at least one of those present.
- ___ I am secretly “put out” or annoyed when other people come to me with their troubles, asking me for their time and sympathy.
- ___ I am jealous of good-looking people.
- ___ I tend to feel humiliated when criticized.
- ___ I wonder why other people aren’t more appreciative of my good qualities.
- ___ I tend to see other people as being either great or terrible.
- ___ I sometimes have fantasies about being violent without knowing why.
- ___ I am especially sensitive to success and failure.
- ___ I have problems that nobody else seems to understand.
- ___ I try to avoid rejection at all costs.
- ___ My secret thoughts, feelings, and actions would horrify some of my friends.
- ___ I tend to become involved in relationships in which I alternately adore and despise the other person.
- ___ Even when I am in a group of friends, I often feel very alone and uneasy.
- ___ I resent others who have what I lack.
- ___ Defeat or disappointment usually shame or anger me, but I try not to show it.
Covert narcissistic abuse crushes one’s soul. This podcast is devoted to understanding covert narcissistic abuse, its effect on the victims, and how to heal.
Narcissists and psychopaths dissociate (erase memories) a lot (are amnesiac) because their contact with the world and with others is via a fictitious construct: The false self. Narcissists never experience reality directly but through a distorting lens darkly. They get rid of any information that challenges their grandiose self-perception and the narrative they had constructed to explicate, excuse and legitimize their antisocial, self-centred and exploitative behaviors, choices and idiosyncrasies.
In an attempt to compensate for the yawning gaps in memory, narcissists and psychopaths confabulate: They invent plausible “plug ins” and scenarios of how things might, could, or should have plausibly occurred. To outsiders, these fictional stopgaps appear as lies. But the narcissist fervently believes in their reality: He may not actually remember what had happened-but surely it could not have happened any other way!
These tenuous concocted fillers are subject to frequent revision as the narcissist’s inner world and external circumstances evolve. This is why narcissists and psychopaths often contradict themselves. Tomorrow’s confabulation often negates yesterday’s. The narcissist and psychopath do not remember their previous tales because they are not invested with the emotions and cognitions that are integral parts of real memories.
Narcissists are incapable of putting anyone’s needs before their own, and can often put the child at risk of harm.
There are several mistakes the narcissistic parent is certain to make during their counter-parenting journey. These mistakes will undoubtedly come back to haunt them, possibly years down the line. Narcissists are so self-absorbed they fail to stop and consider that children eventually grow up and see the damaging behaviour with their own eyes.
In simple terms, a narcissistic family is one in which the needs of the parents are the focus and the children are expected in various ways to meet those needs. The healthy family model is turned on its head to support the parents rather than foster the children’s development.