NPD almost never comes isolated. It is usually diagnosed with other Cluster B Personality Disorders (especially Histrionic PD and Antisocial PD). A single, clearly delineated personality disorder is exceedingly rare. The norm is double or triple diagnoses from various axes (with Obsessive Compulsive Disorder, for instance).
But a seductive behaviour is not an NPD trait.
Here is what the authoritative “Review of General Psychiatry” has to say:
“HPD must be differentiated from … NPD. These disorders may coexist in some combination with HPD, in which case all relevant diagnoses may be assigned.”
“… (NPDs) have far greater contempt for the sensitivities of others than those with HPD …”
When your parent attempts to cross a boundary or draw you back into their twisted bonds, keep up your guard and refuse to engage emotionally. Admitting that your parent’s behavior is affecting you is feeding the narcissist. Refuse to serve as the supply for their power and pain games.
So what’s a malignant narcissists punishment? Its their existence. Its their inner prison. Its waking up every day into their life that despite possessions, power, and status symbols that they may have they hate deep down. And then one day they die, and its all over. That’s the sad reality of a wasted and miserable life. And that’s their natural punishment.
Do you think people who beat, rape, shout at, con, and otherwise abuse others are happy people? Do you think you can abuse a child and still be a genuinely happy person? Do you think you can sexually and physically abuse someone and feel authentic happiness?
Do you think it really matters that some of them have money or a respectable job? Sure, money can provide a sense of safety, and having social power can indeed be useful. But ultimately, the price that they pay for it is an even bigger loss of self. This makes their feelings of misery and self-loathing even stronger. And its not like they wake up one day and change their mind and behavior. All the lies, deception, hiding, being abusive, creating stories and justifications, fighting with people all of it continues to spread and pile up.
Eventually decent people dont want to associate with them, but they are older and more miserable, so they start feeling more and more desperation. Some of them try to change their behavior out of fear of mortality or loneliness or need for narcissistic supply. Some try to guilt-trip or shame or bully others into giving them resources, but it becomes harder and harder.
A therapist must also maintain his or her boundaries at all times. This means that the therapy must be focused at all times on the patient, the patients problems and not the therapist. The therapist should not reveal any intimate information about himself or herself to the patient, and the therapist should not engage in any type of business, sexual, social or personal relationship with the patient other than psychotherapy. When a therapist fails to act in the above manner, it is a considered a breach of boundaries.”
Narcissists and psychopaths dissociate (erase memories) a lot (are amnesiac) because their contact with the world and with others is via a fictitious construct: The false self. Narcissists never experience reality directly but through a distorting lens darkly. They get rid of any information that challenges their grandiose self-perception and the narrative they had constructed to explicate, excuse and legitimize their antisocial, self-centred and exploitative behaviors, choices and idiosyncrasies.
In an attempt to compensate for the yawning gaps in memory, narcissists and psychopaths confabulate: They invent plausible “plug ins” and scenarios of how things might, could, or should have plausibly occurred. To outsiders, these fictional stopgaps appear as lies. But the narcissist fervently believes in their reality: He may not actually remember what had happened-but surely it could not have happened any other way!
These tenuous concocted fillers are subject to frequent revision as the narcissist’s inner world and external circumstances evolve. This is why narcissists and psychopaths often contradict themselves. Tomorrow’s confabulation often negates yesterday’s. The narcissist and psychopath do not remember their previous tales because they are not invested with the emotions and cognitions that are integral parts of real memories.
In simple terms, a narcissistic family is one in which the needs of the parents are the focus and the children are expected in various ways to meet those needs. The healthy family model is turned on its head to support the parents rather than foster the children’s development.
What happens if the narcissist fails to find Narcissistic Supply Sources (NSSs)?
This precipitates a narcissistic crisis. The narcissist becomes more desperate and more compulsive in looking for his drug. The more he fails, the more he is hurt and he expresses his emotional turmoil by acting out.
Moreover, the absence of SNSSs or their deficiency coupled with the resulting narcissistic crisis increase the fluctuations in the quantity of Narcissistic Supply and widen the Grandiosity Gap (between the grandiose fantasies of the narcissist and his less than glamorous reality). This volatility erodes the narcissist’s self-esteem, self-image, and self-confidence. The narcissist self-devalues and is reduced to depression and doubts.
In other words: the gap between the narcissist’s grandiose fantasies and reality is so wide that the FEGO‘s narcissistic defence mechanisms can no longer be maintained even with the use of strong repression and denial.
This triggers two defensive reactions. Their aim is to stabilise Narcissistic Supply and to reduce the narcissist’s emotional lability:
1. The Reactive Repertoire is reawakened (encouraging the narcissist to flee the scene of his failures and thus create an alibi for future failures).
2. An increase in the consumption of PNSSs (if SNSSs are deficient) or of SNSSs (if PNSSs are deficient).
This last measure does stabilise the situation in the short run but it has a destabilising effect in the longer run.
All this is done mainly to protect the FEGO. The narcissist “knows” that when the FEGO is shattered, the ability of the Hyperconstruct to resist the punitive influence of the SEGO dwindles and both TEGO and the narcissist’s relations with outside objects are in danger.