Do you ever wonder why you are so exhausted raising your kids when their other parent is a narcissist? It’s because, in all practicality, you’re a single parent. Not only that, if you are still married to the narcissist, he or she is the biggest and most difficult of all your kids. He/she causes you a high level of stress most of the time. If you are trying to co-parent with a narcissist you might as well give up right now. Repeat after me, ‘I am the only parent.’ Or, ‘He/she is not a parent.’ While the narcissist is the biological mom or dad, he/she is not interested in, nor capable of properly raising another human being. Let’s examine this concept. What does it mean to parent? Being a parent requires the following abilities and traits: Responsibility Self-sacrifice Initiative Positive role-modeling Hard work Consistency Stability Patience Perseverance Empathy and Compassion Respectability Which of these traits would you say a person with narcissism possesses? Narcissists lack
‘The only thing necessary for the triumph of evil is for good men to do nothing.’ – Edmund Burke Isn’t it enough that victims have to deal with the hurt and frustration caused merely by loving a narcissist? To add insult to injury, narcissists in their lives have their own personal minions, appropriately labeled as ‘flying monkeys,’ who side with them and join their ‘team’ and set out to participate in their damaging agenda to destroy the targets’ lives. Flying monkeys are the narcissist’s enablers. They come in all shapes and sizes. They may be friends, family members, pastors, and counselors. In reality, I don’t think the flying monkeys realize what they are doing. I trust that these people actually believe in the righteousness and the ’cause’ of the narcissist. Here’s a perfect example of what I’m talking about: There is a couple I know who sought pastoral counseling from their local church.
Here’s a perfect example of what I’m talking about: There is a couple I know who sought pastoral counseling from their local church. The pastor was helping them keep their marriage together. The man was a typical narcissistic, emotional abuser. The wife was a typical codependent, enabler. She went to the church for spiritual counseling and accountability for her husband’s poor treatment of her. The wife recounted to her pastor that during an argument with her husband one day he had threatened to “kill her if she didn’t get out of the car!”
The pastor had two comments for the woman, “Why didn’t you get out of the car?” and, “You know he didn’t mean he was REALLY going to kill you.”
To make matters even worse, the woman thought, perhaps, her mother-in-law would be supportive and talk some sense into her son. When she told her mother-in-law what happened, the only response she got was, “Well, you know things are said in marriage…”
Did I hear that correctly? No, I don’t think these are the types of things that are typically said in marriages. At least, I hope not.
These are two examples of flying monkeys – the pastor and the mother.
From my Book – From Charm to Harm and Everything else in Between with a Narcissist! @ We constantly struggled with the vision of that special love in the back of our mind (the one that we…
Source: Ending a relationship with a Narcissist is not like walking away from a normal relationship with a broken heart – you are walking away with a broken SELF. The vicious cycle of this abuse is really a manipulative trap that keeps you running in circles until it completely disables your reality, erases your personality, and then it ends and your abuser destroys YOUR integrity so they can move on to start this cycle up AGAIN with some new and unsuspecting person.
A Brief Review of Theory and Research on Normal Narcissism Two complementary views of normal narcissism have been offered by Paulhus (2001). The first is based on the Big Five framework. Specifically, the structure of interpersonal traits is represented in terms of two dimensions: agency and communion (T. Leary, 1957; Wiggins, 1979). The vector that diagonally slices the two circumplex axes of high agency and low communion is regarded as the locus of narcissism (Wiggins & Pincus, 1994). Subsequent work has confirmed the view that narcissists are relatively high on agency and low on communion (W. K. Campbell, Rudich, & Sedikides, 2002; Paulhus & John, 1998). Costa and McCrae (1995) related the highagency and low-communion axes to the Big Five traits of Extraversion and Agreeableness, arguing that the former were slight rotations of the latter. On the basis of this insight, Paulhus (2001) labeled high narcissists “disagreeable extraverts.” The second view of normal narcissism is based on attachment theory. According to the working model hypothesis (Griffin & Bartholomew, 1994), attachment styles are structured around one’s perception of self (positive vs. negative) and others (positive vs. negative). High narcissists have a positive perception of self but a negative perception of others, resembling the attachment style of dismissives
taken from:- http://www.southampton.ac.uk/~crsi/Sedikides%20Rudich%20Gregg%20Kumashiro%20%20Rusbult%202004.pdf