Posted in enablers, narcissistic father and parental alienation, Narcissistic Parenting Sabotage Children, Narcissistic Parents Abuse Their Children?, Narcissistic Personality Test, narcissistic rage, narcissistic sociopathic parent, Narcissists And Sociopaths:, Narcissists Psychologically Healthy?:, Parental Alienation & Narcissistic Personality Disorder

The Narcissist’s Fan Club (aka Flying Monkeys)

‘The only thing necessary for the triumph of evil is for good men to do nothing.’ – Edmund Burke Isn’t it enough that victims have to deal with the hurt and frustration caused merely by loving a narcissist? To add insult to injury, narcissists in their lives have their own personal minions, appropriately labeled as ‘flying monkeys,’ who side with them and join their ‘team’ and set out to participate in their damaging agenda to destroy the targets’ lives. Flying monkeys are the narcissist’s enablers. They come in all shapes and sizes. They may be friends, family members, pastors, and counselors. In reality, I don’t think the flying monkeys realize what they are doing. I trust that these people actually believe in the righteousness and the ’cause’ of the narcissist. Here’s a perfect example of what I’m talking about: There is a couple I know who sought pastoral counseling from their local church.

Here’s a perfect example of what I’m talking about: There is a couple I know who sought pastoral counseling from their local church.  The pastor was helping them keep their marriage together. The man was a typical narcissistic, emotional abuser. The wife was a typical codependent, enabler.  She went to the church for spiritual counseling and accountability for her husband’s poor treatment of her. The wife recounted to her pastor that during an argument with her husband one day he had threatened to “kill her if she didn’t get out of the car!”

The pastor had two comments for the woman, “Why didn’t you get out of the car?” and, “You know he didn’t mean he was REALLY going to kill you.”

To make matters even worse, the woman thought, perhaps, her mother-in-law would be supportive and talk some sense into her son. When she told  her mother-in-law what happened, the only response she got was, “Well, you know things are said in marriage…”

Did I hear that correctly?  No, I don’t think these are the types of things that are typically said in marriages. At least, I hope not.

These are two examples of flying monkeys – the pastor and the mother.

Source: The Narcissist’s Fan Club (aka Flying Monkeys) | The Recovery Expert

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Posted in “narcissistic supply.”, Cerebral, Child victims of sociopathic parents, Children of Sociopaths., Children who have a sociopathic parent, Defining characteristics of pathological lying, narcissistic sociopath, narcissistic sociopathic parent, Narcissists And Sociopaths:, Parental Alienation & Narcissistic Personality Disorder, Pathological Lying, Pathological Lying: A Psychopathic Manipulation Tool, Signs of Pathological Lying, Somatic

Cerebral or Somantic Narcissist

In order to function, a narcissist, whether they are an adult or child needs
“narcissistic supply.” Narcissistic supply is the things, people, emotions, or
situations that internally generate strapping feelings of self-importance and
grandiosity. These feelings can start at an early age and are commonly found
in the narcissist’s exaggerated version of their life achievements or talents to
the point of pathological lying. Narcissists are categorized as either Cerebral
or Somatic. Cerebrals derive their narcissistic supply from their intelligence,academic achievements and so forth, whereas Somatics derive their narcissistic supply from their physique, exercise, physical or sexual prowess, and “conquests.” Not unlike the sociopath, narcissists without proportionate successes will demand (either overtly or covertly) to be recognized as superior.

With striking similarity to the narcissist, the sociopath is nearly always male
and they “place self-interest above all other considerations and are masters
at rationalizing their actions, the responsibility for which they often attribute
to someone else” (Nance, 2003, pp. 85–86).

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Posted in Adult Children of Narcissists, As Narcissists and narcissistic people age, BEING A CHILD OF NARCISSISTS, Malignant Narcissists Get Worse With Age, Narcissists And Sociopaths:, Narcissists are particularly nasty, Parental Alienation & Narcissistic Personality Disorder

How Narcissists Behave at Christmas

He or she will make everyone feel totally on edge with the black mood. Or the narcissist may explode and create a scene, or cause trouble between people. Or purposely ignore you to punish you by lavishing attention on someone else … or trigger you to make you look like the bad one … whatever it takes to create drama in order to gain significance.

As always with a narcissist, good attention or bad attention it doesn’t matter. Narcissists when they know they can affect other people gain significance that feeds their False Self.

So therefore don’t expect that you are going to have a great Christmas Day with a narcissist.

Don’t expect that a fractured person can act like a healthy person.

Don’t try to force a fractured person to act like a healthy person, or you will become more fractured.

Regularly people get abandoned and or punished at Christmas by narcissists. Commonly narcissists spoil Christmas for others. Continue reading “How Narcissists Behave at Christmas”

Posted in narcissistic sociopath, narcissistic sociopathic parent, Narcissists And Sociopaths:, Narcissists are particularly nasty, Narcissists Psychologically Healthy?:, Parental Alienation & Narcissistic Personality Disorder

Ending a relationship with a Narcissist

From my Book – From Charm to Harm and Everything else in Between with a Narcissist! @   We constantly struggled with the vision of that special love in the back of our mind (the one that we…

Source: Ending a relationship with a Narcissist is not like walking away from a normal relationship with a broken heart – you are walking away with a broken SELF. The vicious cycle of this abuse is really a manipulative trap that keeps you running in circles until it completely disables your reality, erases your personality, and then it ends and your abuser destroys YOUR integrity so they can move on to start this cycle up AGAIN with some new and unsuspecting person.

Posted in Adult Children Of Psychopaths, Children of Sociopaths., Narcissists And Sociopaths:, Particular Characteristics of Female Sociopaths Vs Males, Psychopaths have no decency in them., Psychopaths see children as an inconvenience., Socialized sociopaths

Adult Children Of Psychopaths, Narcissists And Sociopaths:

Coming from a pathological family, with the psychopath, narcissist or sociopathic parent as the center of the family universe, can create a negativity that says the glass is always empty. We are left to ‘problem solve’ throughout childhood and adolescence in survival mode, while enduring overwhelming amounts of daily abuse. We are not taught to create solution to problems but to avoid them, as this keeps the mask of the pathological parent and family secure.

As adults, through God’s grace, we come to awareness about how sick and pathological our families are. Most often, this awareness occurs through the extremes we experience in a love relationship with a disordered one.

We begin to note that the behaviors exhibited by our partner’s are severe and extreme, whether it’s manipulation, gas lighting, emotional, verbal, physical, sexual, financial or spiritual abuse of any kind, something about their behaviors and our reactions to it, awaken us to the truth about psychopathy, narcissism and sociopathy.

If we are not carrying a Cluster B personality disorder of our own, the hope for awareness, I believe, will increase. This awareness presents an opportunity for validation about our experiences with our pathological parent, family dynamics, roles, etc.

It becomes clearer to us over time, and as we get older and continue to choose partners that are disordered and situations that are highly dramatic and chaotic, including friendships.

Depending upon how intense the relationship, it can take one relationship or several more, each one increasingly more pathological and sick than the last, before we can see the pattern of our own behaviors and choices, clearly, as well as the behavior of our partners and parent/family.

Coming to awareness about our family background after the break up of a romantic relationship, can be shocking to us. As we explore the reasons for the partnered relationship demise, in desperation, we stumble upon information about the disorders. And as we process the relationship, we begin to see that our lives may be full of Cluster B’s, including our own family of origin (FOO).

We find ourselves feeling only slightly validated after reading about the behaviors exclusive to the Cluster B, but there is so much more to sort through on an emotional level for an adult child of psychopaths, narcissists and sociopath. Recognizing the behaviors in our family of origin, we begin to ask questions, see abuse tactics used by the parent and the roles that we and our siblings played and continue to play.

Adult children who are intuitive and empathic, may find that even their siblings are disordered or extremely emotionally troubled in some way. When we dare to confront, on some level, the family dynamic, directly with the pathological parent or with the siblings, we may find ourselves under attack, manipulated, gas lighted, the focus of the family problems from the beginning.

We may see reactions as we confront our parent or other family members while asking questions and trying to ‘correct’ the ‘problems’ that are spontaneous, sudden and extreme. Unprepared for battle in all our pain, anguish and confusion, we are not validated, but find ourselves invalidatedmore.

We have not yet digested that they are incapable of validation, that they too are lacking in conscience and empathy. What we are seeking in safety, or with hope, is anything but safe and can be very dangerous to us. While a survivor might know that something is wrong, that her ex partner is definitely disordered, when it comes to this reality about the family, things are far more enmeshed and skewed, viewing life from the original and distorted pathological lens. . .

Many survivors with pathological parents, come to me upon this discovery in reading my work and connecting the dots, already embroiled in extraordinary amounts of abuse from the parent or family, as they begin to think about no contact and escape. Most have already begun to confront their family members about the family dynamic, some are in such dangerous situations that it’s not possible to do so, yet the confusion and pain is intense for them.

They are beaten down from not only a pathological partner or close friendship, but also from years of exploitation, manipulation and other forms of abuse from family members. Often the pathological parent is on the ‘war path’ with the survivor and has engaged siblings or other family members to activate their roles to an all time high in order to invalidate and silence the perceived threat, the survivor as one about the open the pandora’s box of family abuse and secrets.

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