Posted in Alienation, Malignant Narcissism, Narcissism, Narcopath, NPD (Narcissistic Personality Disorder)

What to Do When the Narcissist Knows You’ve Figured Them Out

Sorry to be the bearer of bad news, but here’s a little secret: it’s NOT going to go down the way you want it to.

The narcissist isn’t going to cower in shame, cry, or finally see the light of reason. They’ll never allow you to have closure because their entire personality relies on having the upper hand in every interaction.

When a narcissist knows you are onto them, things go from bad to hell before you can even process what’s happening – but that’s exactly the narcissist’s strategy.

If you’re committed to exposing a narcissist, please read the list below before following through. In many cases, exposing a narcissist can backfire and make things much worse for you.

Does this mean you should put up with their abuse? Absolutely not.

However, you should weigh the pros and cons of letting them know you’ve figured them out.

Narcissists define the word “reactionary.” When a narcissist knows you’re onto them, they dial all their worst toxic and abusive qualities up to 10 and go full self-destruct Samson mode.



Fear and Manipulation

 – Projection

You fool! Can’t you see? They’re not the narcissist, you are! (Or so they’ll try to convince you.)

– Leveling

– Devaluation

 – Victimization

– Discarding

– Blackmailing Continue reading “What to Do When the Narcissist Knows You’ve Figured Them Out”

Projection: A Gaslighter’s Signature Technique

Whatever the gaslighter/narcissist is or whatever he is doing, he will assign those characteristics or behaviors to you.  It’s done almost to comedic effect – if it wasn’t so potentially damaging to your career.  At work, your gaslighting/narcissistic boss will write on your performance review that you are always late.  However, you are punctual to a fault – it’s your boss who consistently shows up late.  Your coworker accuses you of hacking into their laptop – however, you have seen him lurking around your laptop when he thought you couldn’t see him.  Your kleptomaniac cubemate is constantly accusing you of stealing things off her desk.

In a relationship, the gaslighter/narcissist will constantly accuse you of cheating.  He will check your phone, barrage you with questions when you are 30 minutes late from work, even have you followed.  You have given no signs that you are cheating, yet your gaslighting/narcissist partner brings up your supposed cheating all the time.  However, as is the case with many gaslighters/narcissists, they are actually are doing the cheating (McNulty and Widman, 2014).  When you confront the gaslighter/narcissist about his cheating, he turns it around on you and says you are accusing him because you are one really doing the cheating. The  gaslighter/narcissist continues his game of projection- now using it as a strategy to deflect from being caught. Continue reading “Projection: A Gaslighter’s Signature Technique”

5 Ways Narcissists Project and Attack You

Whenever a narcissistic person feels threatened, they will call you the things that they themselves are as or are afraid that others see them as. And then they will try to stalk you, slander you, or discredit you. They will try to sabotage and destroy you. They will start a smear campaign and attempt character assassination. In their mind, frighteningly, you have become their mortal enemy.

They also have no problem doing all of it preemptively and calling it defense.

So if you privately call them out, set healthier boundaries, or end the relationship, they may be afraid that you can see their flaws, or that you will tell others what kind of person they are. Whether you do that or not is not important to them. Because in their mind the mere possibility of it is a good enough excuse to label you as an enemy. And because a narcissistic type of person has little or no empathy, they may imagine that you will behave as they would in these situations. If they would lie, or more likely are already lying, they will accuse you of lying.

And so they will do all these things just because they think you are somehow trying to or might hurt them. They also will accuse you of the very things they themselves are doing.

Source: 5 Ways Narcissists Project and Attack You

Posted in Malignant Narcissism, Narcissism, Narcopath, NPD (Narcissistic Personality Disorder)

When the Narcissist Has to Face Reality

Aging itself can bring about a withering, if not bursting, of the narcissistic bubble. You’re no longer a fresh young thing and are starting to develop wrinkles, bags, sags, or a gray or bald head. Your clothes don’t fit the same way they did before, and you find you can no longer squeeze into your favorite skinny jeans, no matter what you do. Then there’s the inevitable “ma’am” or “sir” that the barista uses in referring to you (yes you, not the person behind you).

The factors that cause the narcissistic bubble to retreat and burst were addressed in an astute article by Eda Goldstein in 1995. Goldstein described what happens somewhere in the middle years when narcissists come to grips with their own failings, exposing their weaknesses to themselves. They can become both enraged and ashamed.

As she noted, there are dangers associated with the sudden coming to grips with reality that can put the individual’s life into a wild tailspin:

“Believing that they should be able to control life and be strong and self-sufficient, individuals with severe narcissistic vulnerability do not allow for human limitations or the effects of life’s vicissitudes… indignation, bitterness, envy, disbelief, and humiliation are commonly expressed and may, in some extreme instances, result in vengeful acts of violence” (pp. 410-411)

The thicker the bubble, in other words, the more damage it leaves when it bursts.

Posted in Malignant Narcissism, Narcissism, Narcopath, NPD (Narcissistic Personality Disorder)

Narcissistic mortification

Narcissistic mortification is “the primitive terror of self dissolution, triggered by the sudden exposure of one’s sense of a defective self … it is death by embarrassment“.[1] Narcissistic mortification is a term first used by Sigmund Freud in his last book, Moses and Monotheism,[2] with respect to early injuries to the ego/self. The concept has been widely employed in ego psychology and also contributed to the roots of self psychology.

When narcissistic mortification is experienced for the first time, it may be defined as a sudden loss of control over external or internal reality, or both. This produces strong emotions of terror while at the same time narcissistic libido (also known as ego-libido) or destrudo is built up.[3] Narcissistic libido or ego-libido is the concentration of libido on the self. Destrudo is the opposite of libido and is the impulse to destroy oneself and everything associated with oneself.

Physical sensations and psychological perceptions

An individual’s experience of mortification may be accompanied by both physical and psychological sensations. Physical sensations such as: burning, painful tingling over the body, pain in the chest that slowly expands and spreads throughout the torso, dizziness, nausea, vomiting, sweating, blanching, coldness and numbness can be experienced by the individual suffering from mortification. The psychological sensations described are feeling shocked, exposed, and humiliated. Descriptions of this experience can be, for example: “It feels like I won’t survive” and “I have the absolute conviction that he or she hates me and it’s my fault”. These sensations are always followed by shock, although they may have happened on various occasions, they also prompt the need for the individual suffering to do something both internally and externally, to effect a positive self-image in the eyes of their narcissistic object. Narcissistic mortification is extreme in its intensity, global nature, and its lack of perspective, causing the anxiety associated with it to become traumatic.[1]

Normal versus pathological

In Eidelberg’s view, a normal individual would usually be able to avoid being overwhelmed by internal needs because they recognize these urges in time to bring about their partial discharge. However, Eidelberg does not view occasional outbursts of temper as a sign of disorder. An individual experiencing pathological narcissistic mortification is prone to become fixated on infantile objects, resulting in an infantile form of discharge. He or she cannot be satisfied by the partial discharge of this energy, which takes place on an unconscious level, and this in turn interferes with their well-being. According to Eidelberg, the denial of an infantile narcissistic mortification can be responsible for many defensive mechanisms.[3]

Posted in Malignant Narcissism, Narcissism, Narcopath, NPD (Narcissistic Personality Disorder)

Fear and decision-making in narcissistic personality disorder

Linking psychoanalytic studies with neuroscience has proven increasingly productive for identifying and understanding personality functioning. This article focuses on pathological narcissism and narcissistic personality disorder (NPD), with the aim of exploring two clinically relevant aspects of narcissistic functioning also recognized in psychoanalysis: fear and decision-making. Evidence from neuroscientific studies of related conditions, such as psychopathy, suggests links between affective and cognitive functioning that can influence the sense of self-agency and narcissistic self-regulation. Attention can play a crucial role in moderating fear and self-regulatory deficits, and the interaction between experience and emotion can be central for decision-making. In this review we will explore fear as a motivating factor in narcissistic personality functioning, and the impact fear may have on decision-making in people with pathological narcissism and NPD. Understanding the processes and neurological underpinnings of fear and decision-making can potentially influence both the diagnosis and treatment of NPD.

Posted in Linda Turner, Malignant Narcissism, Narcissism, NPD (Narcissistic Personality Disorder), Recovery

The Die Hard Narcissist

Wow, this is one to watch out for, the one that will do you harm, the one you will need to get away from.

Things to watch out for:-

POSSESSIONS– They don’t put any value on anything you buy for them. You could spend hours pondering over the perfect gift for the Narc but it will mean nothing to them. It will just be discarded along with all the other possessions they have accumulated over the years. That is of course unless it is something that will enhance their looks to make them even more adorable to themselves.

So don’t waste your time and delude yourself that the treasured gift you gave to them will be cherished, cared for, adored and proudly displayed – NO GET REAL – its nothing to them, its meaningless and the sooner you get your head around this one the less you will be giving.

ANIMALS/PETS – This is a very sad one. Yes once again animals, pets mean nothing. They may beg you to buy them the cute little puppy, the sweet little kitten, the thoroughbred horse to show off on. But when the novelty wears off, when the little puppy grows up and is no longer admired by friends, when the cute little kitten pees on the carpet, when the thoroughbred horse does not win every competition, then you will see the true character of the narcissist.

Then one day if the animal/pet (if its not discarded first) becomes old or ill and has to be put down, just observe their behavior. Are there any tears? Do they comfort that beloved pet they always wanted? Do they feel sadness?

PEOPLE – This is a tough one. When a close member of the family is very ill, do they go and visit them and spend time with them or call them and ask how they are? Or do they just appear on the outside to care and say the right thing but do nothing? When an elderly relative dies, a grandparent, an aunt or and uncle, do they even acknowledge it? Do they send a message of sympathy? Do they send their condolences to the remaining family? Do they send flowers or cards to show their sympathy?

I think you know the answer to this, they will either pretend they care but do absolutely nothing and make excuses, or if they are the die hard type they wont even pretend.

So if you observe some or any of these behaviors, and this is not a comprehensive list, ITS TIME TO GET OUT, yes you heard me, GET OUT, GET AWAY.

If you keep forgiving, feeling sorry for them, thinking they will change, you will end up ill and as damaged as they are.


Linda – True stories

Posted in Malignant Narcissism, Narcissism, Narcopath, NPD (Narcissistic Personality Disorder)

Conceit and deceit: Lying, cheating, and stealing among grandiose narcissists

However, because narcissists are principally motivated to pursue their own interests, have lower ethical standards, and are willing to transgress social norms, they can put the institutions they lead at risk. We report three studies showing that individuals who are more narcissistic are more willing to lie, cheat, and steal than those who are less narcissistic.

Posted in Malignant Narcissism, Narcissism, NPD (Narcissistic Personality Disorder)

Measuring Narcissism (SINS)

A number of longer measures currently exist to assess narcissism, and many of them are have high reliability and validity. Thus, we believe that this single item measure should only be used when it would be difficult or impossible to include a longer narcissism scale. For example, single-item scales can be useful for studies in which every single question counts in terms of time or participant attention levels (e.g. online studies, large nationally representative surveys, field studies in which a single page on a clipboard is an ideal survey length). In addition, this measure might be useful when using interactive electronic data collection techniques such as text messaging, EMA, or smartphone surveys, in which each number or response given takes effort for participants. Yet, in typical laboratory settings, we recommend the use of longer narcissism scales. Future studies will help us better understand the predictive properties of the SINS, but for now, the SINS is one useful tool that can help to assess the complex aspects of narcissism with one single item

Posted in Machiavellianism, Malignant Narcissism, Narcissism, PERSONALITY DISORDERS, Psychopath, PSYCHOPATHIC TRAITS

Personality and perceptions of the COVID-19 situation

Individual differences in the Big Five traits were measured with the Polish version (Topolewska, Skimina, Strus, Cieciuch, & Rowiński, 2014) of the 20-item International Personality Item Pool (Donnellan, Oswald, Baird, & Lucas, 2006), with four items per trait: Openness/Intellect (e.g., “I have a vivid imagination.”), Conscientiousness (e.g., “I get chores done right away.”), Extraversion (e.g., “I am the life of the party.”), Agreeableness (e.g., “I sympathize with others’ feelings.”), Neuroticism (e.g., “I get upset easily.”) where participants were asked their agreement (1 = strongly disagree5 = strongly agree). Items were averaged to create indexes of each trait.

Psychopathy was measured with the Polish version (see Rogoza & Cieciuch, 2019) of the Levenson’s Self-Report Psychopathy Scale (Levenson, Kiehl, & Fitzpatrick, 1995). The scale has 17 items (i.e., Factor 1) measuring individual differences in callous, manipulative and selfish use of others (e.g., “For me, what’s right is whatever I can go away with.”) and 10 (i.e., Factor 2) measuring impulsivity and limited behavioral control (e.g., “I find myself in the same kinds of trouble, time after time.”). Participants were asked their agreement (1 = strongly disagree; 4 = strongly agree) with the items which were averaged to create indexes of both factors.

Machiavellianism was measured with the Polish version (Pospiszyl, 2000) of the 20-item MACH-IV (Christie & Geis, 1970), where participants were asked how much they agreed (1 = strongly disagree; 7 = strongly agree) with statements such as: “It is hard to get ahead without cutting corners here and there” and “People suffering from incurable diseases should have the choice of being put painlessly to death.” The items were averaged to create a Machiavellianism index.

Narcissism was measured with the Polish version (Rogoza, Rogoza, & Wyszyńska, 2016) of the Narcissistic Admiration and Rivalry Questionnaire (Back et al., 2013). The scale has nine items measuring individual differences in admiration (e.g., “I show others how special I am.”) and nine measuring rivalry (e.g., “I secretly take pleasure in the failure of my rivals.”) where participants were asked their agreement (1 = disagree completely; 6 = agree completely). Items were averaged to create indexes of each aspect.

Individual differences in the perceptions of the COVID-19 situation were measured with the S8* scale with all 40 items (Rauthman & Sherman, 2016). The scale was translated into Polish by three independent experts and then back-translated into English. The scale has five items for each of the eight dimensions: Duty (e.g., “A job needs to be done.”), Intellect (e.g., “Situation includes intellectual or cognitive stimuli.”), Adversity (e.g., “I am being blamed for something.”), Mating (e.g., “Potential sexual or romantic partners are present.”), pOsitivity (e.g., “The situation is pleasant.”), Negativity (e.g., “The situation could elicit stress.”), Deception(e.g., “It is possible to deceive someone.”), and Sociality (e.g., “Social interaction is possible.”). Participants were asked how much each statement applied (1 = not at all; 7 = totally) to the COVID-19 pandemic. Items were averaged to create indexes of each aspect.

Individual differences in compliance with governmental restrictions to reduce the spread of the COVID-19 virus were measured with a single item (in Polish). Participants reported the percent (1−100) to which they complied with the restrictions implemented by the Polish government.