Done With The Crying: Help and Healing for Mothers of Estranged Adult Children Paperback – May 3, 2016
by Sheri McGregor, M.A.
It’s a question I hear often after an adult child’s estrangement. Among the more than 9,000 mothers who have answered my survey for parents of estranged adult children, or reached out in site comments or in emails, hundreds ask the same or a similar question.
Even the busiest mothers go out of their way for their adult children. Sometimes, mothers even say their lives revolved around them, as if they’ve been on-call.
For some, the question has layers of complexity that make the situation even more heartbreaking. Like when grandchildren are involved, which makes the loss even more cruel and sad.
Grandmothers picture the sweet, innocent faces of the grandchildren their estranged son or daughter has ripped away, and worry what awful picture is being painted about them. That they’re crazy? Or worse, that they don’t care? Those women may ask, if I’m no longer the devoted grandmother, always there and ready to help, then who am I?
read the full answer to this question and many more on this website:- http://www.rejectedparents.net/category/answers-to-common-questions/
In the newspaper advice column Annie’s Mailbox by Kathy Mitchell and Marcy Sugar, there has recently been a series of letters from the parents of adult children who have cut them out of their lives. The parents complain that they have absolutely no idea why and do not understand what made this happen, and they seem to indicate that they had been just model parents or, at worst, guilty of some very minor parental transgressions.
Lately, a couple of other letter writers opined that just perhaps the parental behavior was a lot more problematic than these folks would have the world believe. For the most part, whenever I delve into the family dynamics of those patients who either cut off parents or who have been cut off like this, that is almost always the case.
In reading the letters from the parents who just cannot seem to figure out why their children have cut them off, a question arises. Are they really that clueless? Are they, as people are wont to say “in denial?” – whatever that means? To me, “denial” of reality is just – how should I put this? – lying.
Some great advice!
DON’T BEAT YOURSELF UP, AS PARENTS WE MAKE MISTAKES. FORGIVE YOURSELF AND MOVE ON! IF YOU KNOW YOU TRIED TO RECONNECT WITH YOUR KIDS AND THEY SAID NO, YOU CAN GO TO YOUR GRAVE KNOWING YOU CARED ENOUGH TO TRY, THEY CANNOT, AND THAT IS THEIR BURDEN TO CARRY, NOT YOURS, NOT YOURS, NOT YOURS!!!!!!