‘The only thing necessary for the triumph of evil is for good men to do nothing.’ – Edmund Burke Isn’t it enough that victims have to deal with the hurt and frustration caused merely by loving a narcissist? To add insult to injury, narcissists in their lives have their own personal minions, appropriately labeled as ‘flying monkeys,’ who side with them and join their ‘team’ and set out to participate in their damaging agenda to destroy the targets’ lives. Flying monkeys are the narcissist’s enablers. They come in all shapes and sizes. They may be friends, family members, pastors, and counselors. In reality, I don’t think the flying monkeys realize what they are doing. I trust that these people actually believe in the righteousness and the ’cause’ of the narcissist. Here’s a perfect example of what I’m talking about: There is a couple I know who sought pastoral counseling from their local church. The pastor was helping them keep their marriage together. The man was a typical
Source: The Narcissist’s Flying Monkeys
ENABLERS AND TONGUE BITERS
Narcissists only surround themselves with people who are either so charmed by them that they blindly believe every word they say is true or people who have learned that it’s easier to keep their mouths shut rather than reap the wrath of expressing an opposing opinion.
Anyone in a narcissist’s life that doesn’t fall into one of the two categories of Enablers or Tongue Biters will certainly be given the boot. But first the narcissist will discipline you with their collection of manipulation tactics, so when they do give you the boot, you will be sure to go out believing the reasons for your dismissal were all your fault.
Continue reading “ENABLERS AND TONGUE BITERS”
If you’re a target, it’s a painful realization that the abuse kicked into high gear only with the help of enablers, some of whom may even have stooped so low as to deliver a few blows themselves.
Remember, their behavior is not a reflection of your worth as a person. Instead, they chose the path of least resistance, which underscores the fact they don’t have much integrity. Now, they need to watch their own backs because they could be next
Continue reading “Enablers – A Painful Reality”
The Roll of the Enabler
The enabler is usually the narcissist’s spouse or the other parent but in certain situations it can be a child. This parent often has come from a dysfunctional family, or some previous trauma. They may be naïve, brainwashed from being gaslighted over many years, dependent or codependent in nature. Not all narcissist’s spouses become enablers. Those spouses that stay with the narcissist for life in a fairly congenial manner, are the strongest enablers, and are usually inverted narcissists, or are narcissists themselves. The role of the enabler is to tend to the narcissist needs. Be the narcissist’s marketing department. Manipulating the family’s perceptions of the narcissistic parent in a more positive way. The enabler makes excuses for the narcissistic parent’s bad behaviors, and is often the mouthpiece for the personality disordered parent. The enabler parent often plays the go-between in the well documented triangulated communications so prevalent in these types of families. The enabler parent also neglects their duties towards the children as their overwhelming major concern is their narcissistic spouse. The enabler parent will except even out rages acts perpetrated by their narcissistic spouse towards their own children, and on some occasions, will actually join forces with the narcissistic parent in attacking the scapegoated child, or may choose to attack the scapegoat on their own at will. Sometimes this behavior will be interspersed with random acts of kindness causing much confusion. The enabler will often downplay any good characteristics they (the enabler) has, thus reframing from clashing with their narcissistic spouses supreme and grandiose pathology. It is the enabler parent’s job to hide the true nature of the narcissist, constantly work on damage control, allow the dysfunctional family behaviors to continue unchecked, and keep the narcissistic parent’s inflated false image in tacked at all times.
An additional note: – At certain times the narcissist may scapegoat their enabler spouse as well, but the enabler refuses to see this and always goes back for more.
Continue reading “The Roll of the Enabler- Perfectly Rotten To The Core”
Enabling is a term often used in the context of a relationship with an addict. It might be a drug addict or alcoholic, a gambler, or a compulsive overeater. Enablers, rather than addicts, suffer the effects of the addict’s behavior. Enabling is “removing the natural consequences to the addict of his or her behavior.” Professionals warn against enabling because evidence has shown that an addict experiencing the damaging consequences of his addiction on his life has the most powerful incentive to change. Often this is when the addict “hits bottom” – a term commonly referred to in Alcoholics Anonymous. Codependents often feel compelled to solve other people’s problems. If they’re involved with addicts, particularly drug addicts, they usually end up taking on the irresponsible addict’s responsibilities. Their behavior starts as a well-intentioned desire to help, but in later stages of addiction, they act out of desperation. The family dynamics become skewed, so that the sober partner
Source: Are You an Enabler?
Alienating Disciple/Minions/Enablers (AE) – These are the witnesses to the obstructive alienating tactics of the alienating parent that choose to ignore what is being done. At worst these individuals actively participate and assist the alienating parent.
The enablers are those persons around the abuser that not only allows the harassment to occur but often assist with it. This occurs in a variety of ways such as arranging meetings, screening visitors, or blocking the door behind which the harassment or assault is occurring. Enablers tend to fall into two categories: the ones who are hyper-loyal to the abuser and view their actions as noble rather than detrimental; and the ones who are like-minded with the abuser and assist in their conquests.
The hyper-loyal enabler chooses to remain ignorant or they have convinced themselves that everything occurring is consensual. Hyper-loyal enablers tend to be co-workers, support staff, friends, or family. They tend to excuse the questionable behavior of the abuser as innocent flirtations or misinterpreted friendliness.
The like-minded enablers have their own sinister motives and are fully aware of the harassment. They tend to be persons-of-influence with the abuser and are often business partners, associates, or long-time close friends. Although they may also be abusers, it is safe to assume that they are actively engaged with the abuser in the conquest of sexual prey.
A note of caution. We must differentiate the enablers from co-workers or acquaintances who may have a peripheral understanding of the abuser’s activities, but lack the complete picture or any influence to change it. An administrative assistant who sets appointments for the abuser, may out of fear for their own job choose to remain uninformed of suspicious activities. It is possible that apparent enablers are also victims.
Continue reading “Enablers”
***MANY PRETEND TO BE RIGHTEOUS BUT ARE TRUTHFULLY ENABLERS of abuse.
“Ignorance is not bliss” as the wonderful Judge I clerked for taught me.
We must be educated so we can help others.
Continue reading “MANY PRETEND TO BE RIGHTEOUS BUT ARE TRUTHFULLY ENABLERS”
So I introduced myself and my situation, I then defined parental alienation before explaining the part you Enablers play in this emotional abuse. At this point you Enablers may be asking “so why are you writing this?” Well as an alienated parent, I am at times physically and mentally exhausted. I am just one of thousands of alienated parents out there. Like many others I will never give up, and this letter is just one of many attempts I will continue to make in trying to promote awareness of parental alienation and hopefully bring about some kind of positive change, no matter how big or small. If this letter gets read by an enabler somewhere in the world and prompts just one of you to think about what you are doing and its effect on any children involved in the evil that is parental alienation, well then that is something.
Source: An Open Letter to Enablers of Parental Alienation