Category: Detachment

Detachment is crucial.

by Linda Turner, posted in Alienation, Detachment, Recovery

You have no control over someone else’s behavior, but you can work on your own reaction to it. When going no-contact isn’t an option that you’re willing or able to choose, Thomas recommends forging an emotional boundary with what she calls “detached contact.”

“Detached contact centers on our ability to be physically present, but not emotionally wounded by the actions of a family member,” Thomas explains. “We consciously recognize the psychological games they’re playing to get a reaction out of us, but we refuse to engage in the toxicity.” Instead, she says, invest your energy in healthier family members who treat you with respect, and “deflect all attempts by the toxic person to engage in an argument or drama.” Placing distance between your emotions and their chaos-sowing tactics isn’t simple, but it does get easier with practice.

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The Law of Detachment

by Linda Turner, posted in Alienation, Detachment, Recovery

Word Art 14

So, detachment means not getting emotionally involved with drama, even though the drama is occurring all around us, and even though our loved ones might be insisting that we go through a drama with them. A person who can detach is NOT selfish, cold-hearted, or insensitive, but that’s what we feel they are when they won’t go along with our drama. Misery loves company, and when we can’t get company for our drama, we make the person’s lack of emotional participation a whole other drama to add to the one we’re already experiencing. So now we have two dramas to deal with — and the person is still detached! We judge that person as being selfish, cold-hearted, and insensitive, when in reality what they are doing is respecting our Free Will choice to feel what we feel, and their Free Will choice to determine for themselves what they will feel.    

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