Piaget (1936) was the first psychologist to make a systematic study of cognitive development. His contributions include a stage theory of child cognitive development, detailed observational studies of cognition in children, and a series of simple but ingenious tests to reveal different cognitive abilities.
What Piaget wanted to do was not to measure how well children could count, spell or solve problems as a way of grading their I.Q. What he was more interested in was the way in which fundamental concepts like the very idea of number, time, quantity, causality, justice and so on emerged.
Before Piaget’s work, the common assumption in psychology was that children are merely less competent thinkers than adults. Piaget showed that young children think in strikingly different ways compared to adults.
According to Piaget, children are born with a very basic mental structure (genetically inherited and evolved) on which all subsequent learning and knowledge are based.
Most children are born with the capacities to think for themselves, to process both negative and positive experience, and thereby restructure things so that each generation can improve over the last. These capacities can be developed. Given opportunities to perceive both healthy and problematic aspects of different people and to respond to those perceptions within the context of an empathic relationship, most children will develop a self that is not only different, but has a good chance of being more functionally effective than either parent has been. Of course, the children will not be perfect, either.
They do not need to carry the burden of trying to be.
No human being is perfect.
The child who is solely or primarily dependent on one parent is in jeopardy. The child who has access to multiple relationships with people who can help in different ways and learns to process a variety of experiences is our hope for the future.
As a Parental Alienation Recovery specialist, I am able to guide you through your healing journey. Connect with me via phone or email today to begin the process of recovery.
If you are an alienated child (perhaps an adult now), please register your interest if you would like to re-establish your relationship with one of your parents. Simply email us on email@example.com
Likewise, if you are a parent looking for an alienated child, register your interest by mailing us and we will let you know if your child makes contact with us. Sometimes a child will prefer and need the contact to be indirect and to be handled sensitively.
Here Are Some Potential Consequences of Teaching a Child to Hate:
Negative or judgmental personality
Difficulty trusting others
Difficulty initiating and maintaining relationships
Poor relationship quality
Guilt or confusion surrounding negative feelings about the other parent
Every child has the right to have a loving and healthy relationship with both his or her parents. Divorced or otherwise separated parents are expected to encourage and nurture the relationship between the child and the other parent. Alienating parents are typically so consumed by their own feelings that they feel to recognize they are alienating the child in addition to their former partner. Hate, animosity, or resentment are not emotions that comes naturally to children; it has to be taught. A parent that teaches and encourages a child to hate the other parent and his or her new spouse or partner runs the risk of damaging the child both emotionally and psychologically. Unfortunately, with ongoing encouragement and exposure to hate and animosity the negative effects on a child can be lengthy and significant.
Its amazing how an adult can teach their own children to witness years of abuse and neglect towards their own parents, then stand in disbelief when their own grown child decides to walk away from them!!!!
BLAMING EVERYONE ELSE BUT THEMSELVES.
Be careful what you teach your own children, it may come back to haunt you one day.
As I’ve written, Western culture sees healing—it literally means “to make whole”—as restoring something or someone to an undamaged state; when something of value is damaged, such as a painting or other artifact, our practice is always to repair it in such a way that it looks as though the damage never happened.
That tends to be the mindset we bring to our emotional healing from childhood which is, of course, impossible. For that reason, I think it’s far more productive to think of healing using the Japanese art of Kintsugi as the guiding metaphor. When a valuable or cherished ceramic object is broken, the Japanese repair the piece with lacquer mixed with precious metals—gold, silver, or copper—so that the breaks are not only visible but form a pattern of their own, testifying to the object’s history while transforming how it looks. The repaired object remains its old self while becoming an emblem of resilience and newly envisioned beauty. Continue reading “What it means to heal from childhood experiences”→
Studies have shown that our childhood history plays a huge role in how we are as parents.
Parents who did not have their needs met as children may find it hard to meet the needs of their own children.
Research has also revealed that some parents who were mistreated as children may expose their child to abuse.
Environmental circumstances such as job loss, marital problems, or physical health concerns may contribute to mental health issues like depression or anxiety thus increasing family conflict or abuse in the home.
Many abusive parents are unconsciously repeating behaviors witnessed from their own family.
According to one German psychiatrist Alice Miller abusers have an “unconscious compulsion to repeat.”
“An intellectual understanding — that hitting or belittling a child is wrong, for example — may not be enough to prevent abuse, simply because the drive to repeat occurs on an unconscious level”, Miller says.
Other factors may play a role such as substance abuse problems or suffering from a personality disorder such as schizophrenia.
When you were growing up, was your parent there, but not really there? “Another indicator of emotional abuse is if you had a parent who was physically present, but otherwise absent — working on the computer, phone, or locked in a home office, talking to everyone but you, or lost in a drug- or alcohol-induced haze,” Dr. Tessina says. “Now, as an adult, you may not know how to interact with people in a healthy way, or you may feel disconnected and lost. Plus, you could be disconnected from yourself, having no sense of being with yourself.”