Posted in ALIENATION AND THE NARCISSISTIC TOXIC MIX, And Manipulation Are Key Tools, How to Heal From a Toxic Parent, Manipulative People, Motivations of manipulators, Parental Alienation & Narcissistic Personality Disorder, Recovery, Surviving, Surviving Parental Alienation!!, Toxic stress

Toxic People You Should Avoid

1. The Gossip

2. The Temperamental

3. The Victim

4. The Self-Absorbed

5. The Envious

6. The Manipulator

7. The Dementor

8. The Twisted

9. The Judgmental

10. The Arrogant

Once you’ve identified a toxic person, you’ll begin to find their behavior more predictable and easier to understand. This will equip you to think rationally about when and where you have to put up with them and when and where you don’t. You can establish boundaries, but you’ll have to do so consciously and proactively.

Word Art 15 (2) Continue reading “Toxic People You Should Avoid”

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Posted in 30 Red Flags of Manipulative People, And Manipulation Are Key Tools, Are children susceptible to manipulation?, Managing the impact of parental separation on children, Manipulative People, Parental Alienation & Narcissistic Personality Disorder

How manipulators control their victims according to Simon

According to Simon

Simon identified the following manipulative techniques:[2]

  • Lying: It is hard to tell if somebody is lying at the time they do it, although often the truth may be apparent later when it is too late. One way to minimize the chances of being lied to is to understand that some personality types (particularly psychopaths) are experts at the art of lying and cheating, doing it frequently, and often in subtle ways.
  • Lying by omission: This is a very subtle form of lying by withholding a significant amount of the truth. This technique is also used in propaganda.
  • Denial: Manipulator refuses to admit that he or she has done something wrong.
  • Rationalization: An excuse made by the manipulator for inappropriate behavior. Rationalization is closely related to spin.
  • Minimization: This is a type of denial coupled with rationalization. The manipulator asserts that his or her behavior is not as harmful or irresponsible as someone else was suggesting, for example, saying that a taunt or insult was only a joke.
  • Selective inattention or selective attention: Manipulator refuses to pay attention to anything that may distract from his or her agenda, saying things like “I don’t want to hear it”.
  • Diversion: Manipulator not giving a straight answer to a straight question and instead being diversionary, steering the conversation onto another topic.
  • Evasion: Similar to diversion but giving irrelevant, rambling, vague responses, weasel words.
  • Covert intimidation: Manipulator throwing the victim onto the defensive by using veiled (subtle, indirect or implied) threats.
  • Guilt trip: A special kind of intimidation tactic. A manipulator suggests to the conscientious victim that he or she does not care enough, is too selfish or has it easy. This usually results in the victim feeling bad, keeping them in a self-doubting, anxious and submissive position.
  • Shaming: Manipulator uses sarcasm and put-downs to increase fear and self-doubt in the victim. Manipulators use this tactic to make others feel unworthy and therefore defer to them. Shaming tactics can be very subtle such as a fierce look or glance, unpleasant tone of voice, rhetorical comments, subtle sarcasm. Manipulators can make one feel ashamed for even daring to challenge them. It is an effective way to foster a sense of inadequacy in the victim.
  • Playing the victim role: Manipulator portrays him- or herself as a victim of circumstance or of someone else’s behavior in order to gain pity, sympathy or evoke compassion and thereby get something from another. Caring and conscientious people cannot stand to see anyone suffering and the manipulator often finds it easy to play on sympathy to get cooperation.
  • Vilifying the victim: More than any other, this tactic is a powerful means of putting the victim on the defensive while simultaneously masking the aggressive intent of the manipulator, while the manipulator falsely accuses the victim as being an abuser in response when the victim stands up for or defends themselves or their position.
  • Playing the servant role: Cloaking a self-serving agenda in guise of a service to a more noble cause, for example saying he is acting in a certain way to be “obedient” to or in “service” to an authority figure or “just doing their job”.
  • Seduction: Manipulator uses charm, praise, flattery or overtly supporting others in order to get them to lower their defenses and give their trust and loyalty to him or her. They will also offer help with the intent to gain trust and access to an unsuspecting victim they have charmed.
  • Projecting the blame (blaming others): Manipulator scapegoats in often subtle, hard-to-detect ways. Often, the manipulator will project his/her own psychotic thinking onto the victim, making the victim look like he/she has done something wrong. Manipulators will also claim that the victim is the one who is at fault for believing lies that they were conned into believing, as if the victim forced the manipulator to be deceitful. All blame, except for the part that is used by the manipulator to accept false guilt, is done in order to make the victim feel guilty about making healthy choices, correct thinking and good behaviors. It is frequently used as a means of psychological and emotional manipulation and control. Manipulators lie about lying, only to re-manipulate the original, less believable story into a “more acceptable” truth that the victim will believe. Projecting lies as being the truth is another common method of control and manipulation. Manipulators love to falsely accuse the victim as “deserving to be treated that way.” They often claim that the victim is crazy and/or abusive, especially when there is evidence against the manipulator. (See Feigning, below.)
  • Feigning innocence: Manipulator tries to suggest that any harm done was unintentional or that they did not do something that they were accused of. Manipulator may put on a look of surprise or indignation. This tactic makes the victim question his or her own judgment and possibly his own sanity.
  • Feigning confusion: Manipulator tries to play dumb by pretending he or she does not know what the victim is talking about or is confused about an important issue brought to his or her attention. The manipulator intentionally confuses the victim in order for the victim to doubt his/her own accuracy of perception, often pointing out key elements that the manipulator intentionally included in case there is room for doubt. Sometimes manipulators will have used cohorts in advance to help back up their story.
  • Brandishing anger: Manipulator uses anger to brandish sufficient emotional intensity and rage to shock the victim into submission. The manipulator is not actually angry, he or she just puts on an act. He just wants what he wants and gets “angry” when denied. Controlled anger is often used as a manipulation tactic to avoid confrontation, avoid telling the truth or to further hide intent. There are often threats used by the manipulator of going to police, or falsely reporting abuses that the manipulator intentionally contrived to scare or intimidate the victim into submission. Blackmail and other threats of exposure are other forms of controlled anger and manipulation, especially when the victim refuses initial requests or suggestions by the manipulator. Anger is also used as a defense so the manipulator can avoid telling truths at inconvenient times or circumstances. Anger is often used as a tool or defense to ward off inquiries or suspicion. The victim becomes more focused on the anger instead of the manipulation tactic.
  • Bandwagon Effect: Manipulator comforts the victim into submission by claiming (whether true or false) that many people already have done something, and the victim should as well. These include phrases such as “Many people like you…” or “Everyone does this anyways.” Such manipulation can be seen in peer pressure situations, often occurring in scenarios where the manipulator attempts to influence the victim into trying drugs or other substances.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Psychological_manipulation#How_manipulators_control_their_victims

Posted in And Manipulation Are Key Tools, Are children susceptible to manipulation?, Can a Child Really be Manipulated Like That?, Child Being Manipulated;, Manipulating a Child’s Loyalty, Parental Alienation & Narcissistic Personality Disorder

How manipulators control their victims

According to Braiker

Braiker identified the following ways that manipulators control their victims:[1]

  • Positive reinforcement: includes praise, superficial charm, superficial sympathy (crocodile tears), excessive apologizing, money, approval, gifts, attention, facial expressions such as a forced laugh or smile, and public recognition.
  • Negative reinforcement: involves removing one from a negative situation as a reward, e.g. “You won’t have to do your homework if you allow me to do this to you.”
  • Intermittent or partial reinforcement: Partial or intermittent negative reinforcement can create an effective climate of fear and doubt. Partial or intermittent positive reinforcement can encourage the victim to persist – for example in most forms of gambling, the gambler is likely to win now and again but still lose money overall.
  • Punishment: includes nagging, yelling, the silent treatment, intimidation, threats, swearing, emotional blackmail, the guilt trip, sulking, crying, and playing the victim.
  • Traumatic one-trial learning: using verbal abuse, explosive anger, or other intimidating behavior to establish dominance or superiority; even one incident of such behavior can condition or train victims to avoid upsetting, confronting or contradicting the manipulator.

According to Braiker

Posted in And Manipulation Are Key Tools, Are children susceptible to manipulation?, Can a Child Really be Manipulated Like That?, Child Being Manipulated;, Parental Alienation & Narcissistic Personality Disorder

A message of hope

A message of hope for those parents whose child has been turned against them in a vicious campaign of lies and manipulation.

 

Posted in Alienator Personality Disorders, And Manipulation Are Key Tools, Malicious Intent

Alienator Personality Disorders, Malicious Intent, And Manipulation Are Key Tools

Certain Alienator Personality Types Lead To Parental Alienation

I lost my oldest daughter when she was 14.  For over ten years I have been haunted by the inability to understand why I lost her and how abusers perpetrate alienation.   She is now in her mid 20’s and, although I sometimes still blame myself I have always known that the real story is a mystery tied to my ex-husband and his overt, malicious campaign to promulgate revenge against me.  His success is reflected in her penchant for sending emails  reminding me how completely she has rejected me and how deeply she hates me.  At one point she even threatened to seek a restraining order if I continued to try to contact her.

I recently received an email with a long list of reasons justifying her shutting me out of her life.  I was astounded that almost all the accusations were complete fabrications totally detached from reality.  I was equally astounded by the passion with which she wrote.  And, I realized that she truly believed her fantasies.  But, then I realized her words were really her father’s.  She had totally lost herself to hispathological narcissism, his nonsensical need for revenge, and his overwhelming compulsion to hurt me. I also came to realize that Parental Alienation will be successful if perpetrated by a certain alienator personality type.

Now, ten years later I have lost my youngest daughter and I am experiencing the same process of denigration.  As I have tried to fight back I have learned a great deal about how spouses and ex-spouses perpetrate Parental Alienation but perhaps the most important but elusive piece of the puzzle has been beyond my grasp.  The missing piece is an explanation of exactly how the alienator personality successfully conditions  children to become tools of his abuse.  What are the mechanisms used to cause loving children to turn so completely to hate?

The three topics introduced below and linked to more comprehensive descriptions may be helpful in understanding the alienation mechanisms. Also, psychological disorders are consistently persistent in an alienator personality.

Cult Leadership

Steven Hassan is an escapee from the psychological hold of Sun Myung Moon’s Unification Church cult.  In describing how he first became a “Moonie” he wrote that a person doesn’t just go out and join a cult.  Rather, you come in contact with some members and slowly get sucked in until the charismatic leader closes the deal. I found that qualities found in cult leaders are pervasive in the alienator personality.  Read more about how a cult leader mentality can perpetrate parental alienation.


“Charismatic Authority”

The great sociologist, Max Weber, coined the term Charismatic Authority.  It develops from a set of unique personality characteristics that define the relationship between  leaders and their followers.  The unique personality traits inspire certain vulnerable individuals who become obedient followers. Today, we tend to think of  charisma  as a good personality trait but Weber believed that individuals derived their Charismatic Authority not because  they are kind but because their followers view them as almost superhuman.  It is not coincidental that people with  Charismatic Authority tend to also  display very powerful traits of Narcissism. Click on the link to read more about how people with Charismatic Authority can perpetrate parental alienation.


Brainwashing

Brainwashing is a term that we tend to use loosely when referring to a severe form of influencing a person’s set of values and beliefs. Initially,  it seems to fit well with a description of how a person can perpetrate parental alienation.  But, there are some problems.  There is no doubt that the alienator influences change in the attitudes and beliefs of the child but most definitions of brainwashing involve isolation of the victim and/or either real or threatened physical coercion.  It is difficult to determine the extent to which either technique may play in a child’s alienation but there are enough relevant threads to investigate how brainwashing may be used in  parental alienation.

http://www.parent-alienate.com/alienator-personality.html