Posted in Alienation, Alienation - The act of cutting off, ALIENATION AND THE NARCISSISTIC TOXIC MIX, Alienator Personality Disorders, Parental Alienation & Narcissistic Personality Disorder

Understanding Stages of Grief applied to Parents Affected by PA

Imagine a similar pain and the same sense of loss, with one exception-the parent is very much aware that the child is alive.

The effects of Parental Alienation, Parental Child Abduction and retention are very similar to the loss of a child in some other way. However, the bereavement cannot end.

This feeling of bereavement can also affect the child that an abducting/alienating parent claims to love and can have serious emotional scars that can remain for a long period of time – If not for a lifetime.

Yet, parental child abduction and parental alienation remain as silent abuses that the effects never seem to be fully understood unless you or your family have to cope with this trauma yourselves.

Even parents that are lucky enough to have any contact whatsoever with their children, Parental Alienation, where a custodial parent maliciously tries to destroy the relationship between the child and target parent, rips the innocent child from their arms slowly. They witness the suffering. They witness the effects but they feel powerless to do anything about it.

The very sad part of this is it is not unique. There are hundreds of thousands of children and parents affected by Parental alienation and also thousands of cases involving parental child abduction but it is only recently that law professionals are starting to sit up and take notice of the traumatic emotional damage that this can cause target families and children.

read more Continue reading “Understanding Stages of Grief applied to Parents Affected by PA”

Posted in Alienator Personality Disorders, And Manipulation Are Key Tools, Malicious Intent

Alienator Personality Disorders, Malicious Intent, And Manipulation Are Key Tools

Certain Alienator Personality Types Lead To Parental Alienation

I lost my oldest daughter when she was 14.  For over ten years I have been haunted by the inability to understand why I lost her and how abusers perpetrate alienation.   She is now in her mid 20’s and, although I sometimes still blame myself I have always known that the real story is a mystery tied to my ex-husband and his overt, malicious campaign to promulgate revenge against me.  His success is reflected in her penchant for sending emails  reminding me how completely she has rejected me and how deeply she hates me.  At one point she even threatened to seek a restraining order if I continued to try to contact her.

I recently received an email with a long list of reasons justifying her shutting me out of her life.  I was astounded that almost all the accusations were complete fabrications totally detached from reality.  I was equally astounded by the passion with which she wrote.  And, I realized that she truly believed her fantasies.  But, then I realized her words were really her father’s.  She had totally lost herself to hispathological narcissism, his nonsensical need for revenge, and his overwhelming compulsion to hurt me. I also came to realize that Parental Alienation will be successful if perpetrated by a certain alienator personality type.

Now, ten years later I have lost my youngest daughter and I am experiencing the same process of denigration.  As I have tried to fight back I have learned a great deal about how spouses and ex-spouses perpetrate Parental Alienation but perhaps the most important but elusive piece of the puzzle has been beyond my grasp.  The missing piece is an explanation of exactly how the alienator personality successfully conditions  children to become tools of his abuse.  What are the mechanisms used to cause loving children to turn so completely to hate?

The three topics introduced below and linked to more comprehensive descriptions may be helpful in understanding the alienation mechanisms. Also, psychological disorders are consistently persistent in an alienator personality.

Cult Leadership

Steven Hassan is an escapee from the psychological hold of Sun Myung Moon’s Unification Church cult.  In describing how he first became a “Moonie” he wrote that a person doesn’t just go out and join a cult.  Rather, you come in contact with some members and slowly get sucked in until the charismatic leader closes the deal. I found that qualities found in cult leaders are pervasive in the alienator personality.  Read more about how a cult leader mentality can perpetrate parental alienation.


“Charismatic Authority”

The great sociologist, Max Weber, coined the term Charismatic Authority.  It develops from a set of unique personality characteristics that define the relationship between  leaders and their followers.  The unique personality traits inspire certain vulnerable individuals who become obedient followers. Today, we tend to think of  charisma  as a good personality trait but Weber believed that individuals derived their Charismatic Authority not because  they are kind but because their followers view them as almost superhuman.  It is not coincidental that people with  Charismatic Authority tend to also  display very powerful traits of Narcissism. Click on the link to read more about how people with Charismatic Authority can perpetrate parental alienation.


Brainwashing

Brainwashing is a term that we tend to use loosely when referring to a severe form of influencing a person’s set of values and beliefs. Initially,  it seems to fit well with a description of how a person can perpetrate parental alienation.  But, there are some problems.  There is no doubt that the alienator influences change in the attitudes and beliefs of the child but most definitions of brainwashing involve isolation of the victim and/or either real or threatened physical coercion.  It is difficult to determine the extent to which either technique may play in a child’s alienation but there are enough relevant threads to investigate how brainwashing may be used in  parental alienation.

http://www.parent-alienate.com/alienator-personality.html

Posted in #Alienators will be alienated, Alienation, Alienation Versus Alienation Syndrome, Alienator Personality Disorders

Why I do not pathologize the alienator-

see the full article http://www.endparentalalienation.com/End_Parental_Alienation/Why_I_do_not_pathologize_the_alienator-Initially_files/Why%20I%20do%20not%20pathologize%20the%20alienator.pdf

Why I do not pathologize the alienator—-INITIALLY:
Almost as much has been written about alienating parents as has
been written about the PAS child, and the literature is, at best,
confusing and contradictory with respect to their mental status,
their motives for the alienation, their receptivity to treatment, their
ability to put the needs and feelings of their children above their
own, and whether or not it is possible to gain their collaboration in
reversing the PAS. I have found that the motivation for the
alienation varies significantly among those who engage in this
perverse activity. It is so important, therefore, to assess for the
motivations as it is sometimes possible to resolve the underlying
fears and concerns of alienators in co- parenting counseling and
then gaining their cooperation to reverse the PAS. This was the
outcome in approximately 30% of my treatment cases as discussed
in my book.
When I am referred a case by the court or by the lawyer for the
child to do treatment, reunification therapy, and/or assess for the
presence of the PAS, I do not rush to judgment in pathologizing
the parent who is alleged to be alienating. And I always attempt
treatment before making a recommendation for a transfer of
custody. Why? I have discovered in treating these cases during a
period of 17 years that, if cooperation can be gained from the
alienator, the PAS has the best chance of reversal and very swiftly
at that—–sometimes in as few as two or three sessions! However,
if the alienator refused to participate in the therapy and continued
to engage in alienating behaviors, my reunification therapy lasted
upwards of a year or more.

Posted in Alienation, Alienation - The act of cutting off, Alienator Personality Disorders

Symptom Checklist-90-Revised Scores in Adult Children Exposed to Alienating Behaviors

This study addresses a particular form of child psychological maltreatment, exposing a child to alienating behaviors in the context of a high degree of conflict between the parents. The objective of this research was to identify retrospectively the alienating behaviors that occurred in an Italian sample of children and the reported associated psychosocial symptoms. Seven hundred and thirty-nine adults in Chieti, Italy, completed an anonymous and confidential survey regarding their childhood exposure to parental alienating behaviors and measures of current symptomatology. About 75% of the sample reported some exposure to parental alienating behaviors; 15% of the sample endorsed the item, “tried to turn me against the other parent.” The results revealed strong and statistically significant associations between reported exposure to parental alienating behaviors and reports of current symptomatology.

winners and losers

http://www.readcube.com/articles/10.1111%2F1556-4029.12681?r3_referer=wol&tracking_action=preview_click&show_checkout=1&purchase_referrer=onlinelibrary.wiley.com&purchase_site_license=LICENSE_DENIED_NO_CUSTOMER