Whatever the gaslighter/narcissist is or whatever he is doing, he will assign those characteristics or behaviors to you. It’s done almost to comedic effect – if it wasn’t so potentially damaging to your career. At work, your gaslighting/narcissistic boss will write on your performance review that you are always late. However, you are punctual to a fault – it’s your boss who consistently shows up late. Your coworker accuses you of hacking into their laptop – however, you have seen him lurking around your laptop when he thought you couldn’t see him. Your kleptomaniac cubemate is constantly accusing you of stealing things off her desk.
In a relationship, the gaslighter/narcissist will constantly accuse you of cheating. He will check your phone, barrage you with questions when you are 30 minutes late from work, even have you followed. You have given no signs that you are cheating, yet your gaslighting/narcissist partner brings up your supposed cheating all the time. However, as is the case with many gaslighters/narcissists, they are actually are doing the cheating (McNulty and Widman, 2014). When you confront the gaslighter/narcissist about his cheating, he turns it around on you and says you are accusing him because you are one really doing the cheating. The gaslighter/narcissist continues his game of projection- now using it as a strategy to deflect from being caught. Continue reading “Projection: A Gaslighter’s Signature Technique”→
Whenever a narcissistic person feels threatened, they will call you the things that they themselves are as or are afraid that others see them as. And then they will try to stalk you, slander you, or discredit you. They will try to sabotage and destroy you. They will start a smear campaign and attempt character assassination. In their mind, frighteningly, you have become their mortal enemy.
They also have no problem doing all of it preemptively and calling it defense.
So if you privately call them out, set healthier boundaries, or end the relationship, they may be afraid that you can see their flaws, or that you will tell others what kind of person they are. Whether you do that or not is not important to them. Because in their mind the mere possibility of it is a good enough excuse to label you as an enemy. And because a narcissistic type of person has little or no empathy, they may imagine that you will behave as they would in these situations. If they would lie, or more likely are already lying, they will accuse you of lying.
And so they will do all these things just because they think you are somehow trying to or might hurt them. They also will accuse you of the very things they themselves are doing.
I bring with me years of relationship experience (both good and bad), I perform Counseling and Therapy using a combination of unique therapies. I am passionate about the work I do and have a desire to help other people get what they deserve! I understand that all people are different and that no one persons past hurt or current circumstances are the same. I will use my knowledge, experience and intuition to help you overcome those negative and destructive patterns that are holding you back right now. I will teach you how to get to the core of these issues, so you can create an abundant life, move on after a hurtful break-up, build a successful business and find real intimacy and an authentic love that you always dreamt of! “There is a better way – TRUST ME I KNOW, because I have been there, where you are right now.”
Even with proper nutrition and perfunctory care, if an infant does not receive affectionate social interaction, her physical development will be stunted and her brain development compromised. The important role of sensory stimulation for brain development—discussed in Part II—is thought to be an important mechanism in an infant’s development. Even moments after birth, the child needs an attachment figure, and the social behavior of the newborn is designed to induce the parent into providing the resources required for her growth.9 In other words, the infant is typically quite effective at convincing her caregivers to relinquish their personal resources of time and money. Of course, the infant’s needed resources include food and protection, but there are other important needs to be filled. The caregiver must also control the infant’s physiological functions, such as temperature regulation. Specifically, the caregiver regulates the child’s temperature by dressing her in an appropriate manner as well as through physical contact and heat exchange. In fact, the caregiver controls many of the infant’s physiological systems and this appears to be a major mechanism for the caregiver to program the infant. This is a critical concept, because it further indicates that sensory stimulation is important and further explains why there is an certain level of sensory stimulation required for optimal development.
Myron Hofer calls the mother’s sensory stimulation of the infant a “hidden regulator” of the infant’s physiology and behavior.10 For example, touch regulates the infant’s levels of growth hormone, and the caregiver’s presence reduces the infant’s levels of stress hormone during stressful events. The regulatory function of the caregiver occurs fairly naturally once an attachment is formed and the caregiver has had the opportunity or has taken the time to learn how to parent (parenting is not an innate skill). This provides stimulation of the appropriate sensory system at the appropriate intensity and patterning to promote healthy development. There is no special receptor for love, a feeling of safety, or any other emotion to enter the child’s brain. The only way information about attachment quality can be transduced to enter the brain is through our five senses. This pattern of sensory stimulation is how experience enters the brain and changes its development via changing chemicals and individual neural activity. Healthy attachment naturally provides the developing brain with the appropriate sensory stimulation and neural activity. As is suggested by the wide range of child rearing approaches in different cultures, a wide range of types and patterning of sensory stimuli can produce a healthy child that matures into a healthy adult
Sam and Mark Stewart had developed significant psychological problems with accompanying physical conditions. They lived in fear of displeasing their father who could be affable and fun to be with but, when displeased, would scream, curse, call them names, and hit them. Sam told me how awkward it was even to bring a friend into the house because his father would behave as though Sam’s friend was his. He said that he would ask his father for help with homework, but that sometimes turned into an hours-long ordeal lasting into the night with Mr. Stewart haranguing him as to how to do the work the “right way.”
Mark told me that sometimes when his father got mad, he and Sam would have to do chores all day rather than hang out with friends. He also said that his dad would be so furious, his face would turn red, and he would hit him. He and Sam were particularly distressed by how mean their father was to their mom.
Mark and Sam were independent enough to make their own assessment of the family situation. They showed no signs of having been coached. Moreover, after they had lived apart from their dad for several months, they were far less anxious, improved in their academic performance, and had developed fewer physical symptoms.
Resentment and anger can build up, particularly when the split isn’t amicable, and it’s easy to see how one parent can end up bad-mouthing another in front of the only innocent party – the kids. But how much damage is this kind of parental alienation doing?
Mens Aid Ireland is the only dedicated national service supporting men and their families experiencing Domestic Violence in Ireland. Our professional and qualified support team have years of experience in supporting men and families experiencing domestic abuse.We provide:
National Confidential Helpline – 01 554 3811
Legal clinic – Information about Safety Orders, Protection Orders, Barring Orders.