Dear Mikey, I apologise if my last letter appeared to be addressed more to Mamma and me than it was to you. That happens with writing sometimes. I have a destination in mind at the beginning, only …
Source: A Long Goodbye
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Category: Alienation
Understanding Stages of Grief applied to Parents Affected by PA
Imagine a similar pain and the same sense of loss, with one exception-the parent is very much aware that the child is alive.
The effects of Parental Alienation, Parental Child Abduction and retention are very similar to the loss of a child in some other way. However, the bereavement cannot end.
This feeling of bereavement can also affect the child that an abducting/alienating parent claims to love and can have serious emotional scars that can remain for a long period of time – If not for a lifetime.
Yet, parental child abduction and parental alienation remain as silent abuses that the effects never seem to be fully understood unless you or your family have to cope with this trauma yourselves.
Even parents that are lucky enough to have any contact whatsoever with their children, Parental Alienation, where a custodial parent maliciously tries to destroy the relationship between the child and target parent, rips the innocent child from their arms slowly. They witness the suffering. They witness the effects but they feel powerless to do anything about it.
The very sad part of this is it is not unique. There are hundreds of thousands of children and parents affected by Parental alienation and also thousands of cases involving parental child abduction but it is only recently that law professionals are starting to sit up and take notice of the traumatic emotional damage that this can cause target families and children.
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ALIENATION, BY DEFINITION, MEANS TO ISOLATE ONE THING FROM ANOTHER.
Parental alienation is a set of damaging behaviors to a child’s mental and emotional well-being, and can interfere with a relationship of a child and either parent. Parental alienation happens when one parent undermines the authority of the other.
In an ideal situation, but parents share joint custody. They are united in one aspect: and that when it comes to the child. Priorities and joint decisions should be made about their child’s education, safety, welfare and activities. Important decisions should always be made JOINTLY.
Unfortunately, that isn’t always the circumstance and, with parental alienation, one parent influences the child to believe the other parent’s authority is not important. The alienator may accuse the other parent of being less capable of parenting, the subject of ridicule and far less important in the child’s life. They think that they know what’s best; and the other parent is simply unnecessary. The most unfortunate part of these situations is the child and parent bond and respect is lost.
SOME EXAMPLES PARENTAL ALIENATION BEHAVIOR:
- Sabotaging and interfering with visits or not permitting visits at all.
- Depriving the targeted parent of important information about the child, including but not limited to medical, educational, and social activities.
- Not informing and excluding the targeted parent from the child’s activities, parent/teacher conferences, birthdays, religious events, graduations, etc.
- Programming the child against the targeted parent by belittling, criticizing, and deprecating the targeted parent in the child’s presence.
- Removing the targeted pictures of the targeted parent from the child’s awareness.
- Interference with and not being supportive of contact between the targeted parent and the child. This contact includes the telephone, text messaging, e-mailing, Skype, or other methods.
- Making unilateral decisions in major areas regarding the child.
- Verbally and physically abusing the targeted parent.
- Defying the targeted parent’s supervision and authority.
OTHER ACTIONS OF ALIENATOR:
- Parent to child comments that insult, scorn or otherwise speak negatively of the other parent. The topics can include the reasons for the separation or divorce (blaming the other parent for it), stating the other parent doesn’t love the child or family, of just open and inappropriate criticism of the other parent’s actions.
- Allowing others (generally planned) to make disparaging comments about the other parent in the child’s presence. Grandparents and siblings are most often the vehicle for this type of disparagement.
- Entrenching the child into the divorce or custody case. This happens by the alienating parent sharing details (often distorted or false ones) of the child custody case, the parents’ respective positions and statements in the divorce. The purpose of this entrenchment is to influence the child against the other parent by portraying one parent (the alienating one) as the “good” parent and the other as the “bad.”
TYPES OF ALIENATORS:
- Active alienators also know better than to alienate, but their intense hurt or anger causes them to impulsively lose control over their behavior or what they say. Later, they may feel very guilty about how they behaved.
- Obsessed alienators have a fervent cause to destroy the targeted parent. Frequently a parent can be a blend between two types of alienators, usually a combination between the naïve and active alienator. Rarely does the obsessed alienator have enough self-control or insight to blend with the other types.
OTHER CRUCIAL ASPECTS OF PARENTAL ALIENATION
PARENTAL SUBSTITUTION:
Parental substitution, like other forms of alienation, takes place in many ways. The most common are:
- Influence a child to call the alienating parent’s significant other “Dad” or “Mom”.
- Allowing the belief that the child has two dads or two moms to become ingrained in this child. This is done by using others to perpetuate this influence on the child.
- Allowing the non-parent to take on parental roles in various aspects of the child’s life. This includes socialization, activities, education, discipline, etc.
- Persuading the child that the substitute parent has a greater love for the child than the biological parent.
PARENTAL ALIENATION AND FALSE ALLEGATIONS:
- This includes physical violence, sexual violence, psychological violence, and emotional abuse.
IMPACT ON THE ALIENATED PARENT
When a devastating event or series of events occurs to an individual, it can have profound effects on their ability to cope and deal with life and the event. They can have panic attacks, uncontrollable crying, Inability to think clearly, Anger, Fear, Hatred, Rage, Uncontrollable fight or flight response.
This can lead to extreme depression, exaggerated emotional responses including irritability and anger, substance abuse, insomnia or excessive sleep, nightmares, heightened attention and reactions, inability to concentrate, or finish a task. The parent might feel lost, confused, scared, and alone. Parental Alienation has a serious impact on both the parent and the child; start paying attention.
#PAS ~ If It Was Terrorism Would The Governments Act?
Why I do not pathologize the alienator-
see the full article http://www.endparentalalienation.com/End_Parental_Alienation/Why_I_do_not_pathologize_the_alienator-Initially_files/Why%20I%20do%20not%20pathologize%20the%20alienator.pdf
Why I do not pathologize the alienator—-INITIALLY:
Almost as much has been written about alienating parents as has
been written about the PAS child, and the literature is, at best,
confusing and contradictory with respect to their mental status,
their motives for the alienation, their receptivity to treatment, their
ability to put the needs and feelings of their children above their
own, and whether or not it is possible to gain their collaboration in
reversing the PAS. I have found that the motivation for the
alienation varies significantly among those who engage in this
perverse activity. It is so important, therefore, to assess for the
motivations as it is sometimes possible to resolve the underlying
fears and concerns of alienators in co- parenting counseling and
then gaining their cooperation to reverse the PAS. This was the
outcome in approximately 30% of my treatment cases as discussed
in my book.
When I am referred a case by the court or by the lawyer for the
child to do treatment, reunification therapy, and/or assess for the
presence of the PAS, I do not rush to judgment in pathologizing
the parent who is alleged to be alienating. And I always attempt
treatment before making a recommendation for a transfer of
custody. Why? I have discovered in treating these cases during a
period of 17 years that, if cooperation can be gained from the
alienator, the PAS has the best chance of reversal and very swiftly
at that—–sometimes in as few as two or three sessions! However,
if the alienator refused to participate in the therapy and continued
to engage in alienating behaviors, my reunification therapy lasted
upwards of a year or more.
Summaries of Studies about Alienation, Custody, Post Divorce Adjustment, Visitation, and more
Ahrons, C., & Miller, Richard (1993). The effect of the Post divorce Relationship on Paternal Involvement: A longitudinal Analysis. American Journal of Orthopsychiatry, 63(3), 441-450.
SUMMARY: The results of the author’s analysis suggest that the relationship between the former spouses have a greater impact on the father’s parental responsibilities than on the amount of contact they have with the children. It also appears that the relationship is a significant predictor of the father’s compliance to pay child support.
http://www.parentalalienation.org/research/studies-1.html
Alienation is a Human Tragedy
Alienated Grandparents Anonymous Incorporated
International Headquarters
http://www.aga-fl.org/grandparent_alienation_-_a_human_tragedy
Symptom Checklist-90-Revised Scores in Adult Children Exposed to Alienating Behaviors
This study addresses a particular form of child psychological maltreatment, exposing a child to alienating behaviors in the context of a high degree of conflict between the parents. The objective of this research was to identify retrospectively the alienating behaviors that occurred in an Italian sample of children and the reported associated psychosocial symptoms. Seven hundred and thirty-nine adults in Chieti, Italy, completed an anonymous and confidential survey regarding their childhood exposure to parental alienating behaviors and measures of current symptomatology. About 75% of the sample reported some exposure to parental alienating behaviors; 15% of the sample endorsed the item, “tried to turn me against the other parent.” The results revealed strong and statistically significant associations between reported exposure to parental alienating behaviors and reports of current symptomatology.
Alienation a normal reaction? Maybe, after 1 year. What about 25 years?
Alienation a normal reaction? Maybe, after 1 year. What about 15 years?
As noted by Dr. Bernet, a Vanderbilt University psychiatrist, “We don’t want to label kids unnecessarily, but these kids are not reacting in a normal way.” “We’re talking about kids who have a false belief, a little like a delusion, that the other parent is an evil, dangerous person. To me that looks and sounds like a mental disorder.” Obviously, the alienating parent needs help. But, as pointed out by Jaffe et al. (2010) “a minority of parents who suffer from personality and mental disorders may ignore the court and spend their waking hours finding ways to exhaust the other parent emotionally and financially.” I do not imagine the parents noted by Jaffe et al. would voluntarily seek help nor do they care about stopping the denigration.
http://parentalalienationsupport.com/2012/01/12/parental-alienation-contact-list/
Family Court Review
When caregivers conflict, systemic alliances shift and healthy parent-child roles can be corrupted. The present paper describes three forms of role corruption which can occur within the enmeshed dyad and as the common complement of alienation and estrangement. These include the child who is prematurely promoted to serve as a parent’s ally and partner, the child who is inducted into service as the parent’s caregiver, and the child whose development is inhibited by a parent who needs to be needed. These dynamics—adultification, parentification and infantilization, respectively—are each illustrated with brief case material. Family law professionals and clinicians alike are encouraged to conceptualize these dynamics as they occur within an imbalanced family system and thereby to craft interventions which intend to re-establish healthy roles. Some such interventions are reviewed and presented as one part of the constellation of services necessary for the triangulated child.
