Posted in Alienated children, Alienation, Child Custody Rights, Parental Alienation PA

She Said Her Husband Hit Her. She Lost Custody of Their Kids

How reporting domestic violence works against women in family court.

Coronado was angry. A slender Mexican-American woman with long dark hair and a whip-quick mind, she’d scraped her way up from a New Mexico trailer park to serve in the Peace Corps and graduate from the University of Texas Law School. She married Ed Cunningham, a former football star turned lawyer and businessman, and had three boys and a girl. And she’d stayed home to raise them, for long stretches on her own, through a tumultuous 15-year-marriage that broke down when she discovered her husband had bought a second house across town where he was having an affair with another woman. Continue reading “She Said Her Husband Hit Her. She Lost Custody of Their Kids”

Posted in Alienated children, Alienation, Antisocial Personality Disorder, Parental Alienation PA, PERSONALITY DISORDERS

Are You the Object of Hate?

Are You the Object of Hate?
If you’ve ever been the target of hatred, you know how upsetting, frightening and emotional it can be. Actually, since the overall effects of hatred are so physically harmful and emotionally devastating, perhaps we should think of hatred as another type of “H-Bomb.”As you may recall, real H-bombs (hydrogen bombs) generate most of the energy they produce from something called nuclear fission. In addition to producing energy, nuclear fission is also what ignites the initial explosion of a nuclear weapon.In a similar way, hatred produces energy for destructive power. And the fission – what actually ignites the explosion – is driven by the intense hostility, fear, anger or sense of injury one feels.When you’re confronted by this kind of extreme dislike, you basically have two choices regarding your response: You can either sink to the hater’s level and toss a few H-Bombs of your own, or you can recognize this behavior as a character flaw and not respond in kind. Continue reading “Are You the Object of Hate?”

Posted in Alienated children, Alienation, Parental Alienation PA, PERSONALITY DISORDERS

How Hate Works

In 2008, scientists at University College London in the U.K. published a study in which they included 17 subjects who’d expressed a strong hatred for another person — typically, an ex-lover or a colleague. When the subjects’ brains were mapped with an MRI scanner while they looked at pictures of the people they hated, activity was observed the putamen and insular cortex — two brain regions that also light up when a person sees a picture of a loved one [source: ZekiRobson].

The involvement of the putamen in both emotions is particularly revealing, because that part of the brain also prepares the body for movement. Scientists hypothesize that this area goes into action with the aim of providing protection to a loved one — to prepare for an aggressive or spiteful act from a hated person [source: ZekiRobson].

But the researchers also spotted a key difference between the two emotions. When a person sees another person he or she loves, the areas of the frontal cortex associated with judgment and critical thinking typically become less active than normal. But when subjects saw someone they hated, most of the frontal cortex remained active. In fact, the researchers found that when they compared the brain scans to answers that subjects had given on a questionnaire, the more intensively a person said that he or she hated another person, the more energetically the subject’s frontal cortex lit up at the sight of the person. So here’s the upshot: Hating someone isn’t just a knee-jerk emotional reaction. It also involves a certain amount of reasoning and rumination [source: ZekiRobson].

Hate involves both the interior, primitive parts of the brain and the parts that developed relatively late in human evolution. So our capacity for intense dislike of others of our species may date back as far as 150,000 years, when the first modern humans emerged [source: AMNH.org]. Why hate developed is a murkier question. There’s some evidence that humans’ ability to hate may actually be an evolutionary adaptation, one that made it easier for a group of hunter-gatherers to justify taking scarce food from competing groups [source: Fishbein]. Continue reading “How Hate Works”

Posted in Alienated children, Alienation, Parental Alienation PA, PERSONALITY DISORDERS

Brain’s ‘Hate Circuit’ Identified

People who view pictures of someone they hate display activity in distinct areas of the brain that, together, may be thought of as a ‘hate circuit’, according to new research by scientists at UCL (University College London).

The study, by Professor Semir Zeki and John Romaya of the Wellcome Laboratory of Neurobiology at UCL, examined the brain areas that correlate with the sentiment of hate and shows that the ‘hate circuit’ is distinct from those related to emotions such as fear, threat and danger – although it shares a part of the brain associated with aggression. The circuit is also quite distinct from that associated with romantic love, though it shares at least two common structures with it.

The results are an extension of previous studies on the brain mechanisms of romantic and maternal love from the same laboratory. Explaining the idea behind the research, Professor Zeki said: “Hate is often considered to be an evil passion that should, in a better world, be tamed, controlled, and eradicated. Yet to the biologist, hate is a passion that is of equal interest to love. Like love, it is often seemingly irrational and can lead individuals to heroic and evil deeds. How can two opposite sentiments lead to the same behaviour?”

To compare their present results with their previous ones on romantic love, Zeki and Romaya specifically studied hate directed against an individual. Seventeen subjects, both female and male, had their brains scanned while viewing pictures of their hated person as well as that of neutral faces with which they were familiar. Viewing a hated person showed activity in distinct areas of the brain that, together, may be thought of as a ‘hate circuit’.

The ‘hate circuit’ includes structures in the cortex and in the sub-cortex and has components that are important in generating aggressive behaviour, and translating this into action through motor planning, as if the brain becomes mobilised to take some action. It also involves a part of the frontal cortex that has been considered critical in predicting the actions of others, probably an important feature when one is confronted by a hated person.

The subcortical activity involves two distinct structures, the putamen and insula. The former, which has been implicated in the perception of contempt and disgust, may also be part of the motor system that is mobilised to take action, since it is known to contain nerve cells that are active in phases preparatory to making a move.

Professor Zeki added: “Significantly, the putamen and insula are also both activated by romantic love. This is not surprising. The putamen could also be involved in the preparation of aggressive acts in a romantic context, as in situations when a rival presents a danger. Previous studies have suggested that the insula may be involved in responses to distressing stimuli, and the viewing of both a loved and a hated face may constitute such a distressing signal.

“A marked difference in the cortical pattern produced by these two sentiments of love and hate is that, whereas with love large parts of the cerebral cortex associated with judgment and reasoning become de-activated, with hate only a small zone, located in the frontal cortex, becomes de-activated. This may seem surprising since hate can also be an all-consuming passion, just like love. But whereas in romantic love, the lover is often less critical and judgmental regarding the loved person, it is more likely that in the context of hate the hater may want to exercise judgment in calculating moves to harm, injure or otherwise extract revenge.

“Interestingly, the activity in some of these structures in response to viewing a hated face is proportional in strength to the declared intensity of hate, thus allowing the subjective state of hate to be objectively quantified. This finding may have legal implications in criminal cases, for example.”

Unlike romantic love, which is directed at one person, hate can be directed against entire individuals or groups, as is the case with racial, political, or gender hatred. Professor Zeki said that these different varieties of hate will be the subject of future studies from his laboratory.

Continue reading “Brain’s ‘Hate Circuit’ Identified”

Posted in Alienated children, Alienation, Parental Alienation PA

Hate Questionnaire

https://figshare.com/articles/dataset/Neural_Correlates_of_Hate/149287

Posted in Alienated children, Alienation, Parental Alienation PA, PERSONALITY DISORDERS

Neural Correlates of Hate

In this work, we address an important but unexplored topic, namely the neural correlates of hate. In a block-design fMRI study, we scanned 17 normal human subjects while they viewed the face of a person they hated and also faces of acquaintances for whom they had neutral feelings. A hate score was obtained for the object of hate for each subject and this was used as a covariate in a between-subject random effects analysis. Viewing a hated face resulted in increased activity in the medial frontal gyrus, right putamen, bilaterally in premotor cortex, in the frontal pole and bilaterally in the medial insula. We also found three areas where activation correlated linearly with the declared level of hatred, the right insula, right premotor cortex and the right fronto-medial gyrus. One area of deactivation was found in the right superior frontal gyrus. The study thus shows that there is a unique pattern of activity in the brain in the context of hate. Though distinct from the pattern of activity that correlates with romantic love, this pattern nevertheless shares two areas with the latter, namely the putamen and the insula.

Figure 1. An example set of four processed face images (faces not from this study).

journal.pone.0003556.g001

The images are converted to greyscale and normalised with respect to visual area and average brightness. They are roughly matched in terms of spatial frequency and intensity contrast. The faces are all of the same sex, the expressions are similar and a vertically aligned full face image has been selected in each case. An individual set of four such faces was presented to each subject. One of the faces was of a person hated by that particular subject, the other three faces were known to the subject, but were of a neutral relationship, neither loved nor hated.

https://doi.org/10.1371/journal.pone.0003556.g001

Posted in Alienated children, Alienation, Parental Alienation PA, PERSONALITY DISORDERS

Hate spreads easier than anger

Hate can spread from one generation to another much easier than anger or frustration. For example, when we asked people who had experienced a war themselves and people who had only heard about it from others’ stories, the amount of reported hate was the same for both groups. This means that not only can people hate others based on someone else’s experiences, but that hate can be as intense as if they had experienced the event themselves. This was not the case with anger, which tends to be more intense if you experience the anger-causing event firsthand.

Physiology of hate

Unlike anger, there is no physiological pattern that is characteristic of hate, because hate is a long-term experience. Someone can do something to make you immediately angry, but usually, you need more information to hate someone. In the heat of the moment, however, the arousal patterns of hate in the brain and the body may be similar to anger.

Dealing with hate

There is a lot of confusion about hate and what it really means. If people realize that hate is something much bigger, that it includes the desire to eliminate others, maybe they will change the way they use the word. It takes emotional intelligence to discern between feelings. But it is something that can be developed. Perhaps making people understand what they are actually thinking and feeling, and why, when they say “I hate you,” or disentangling the different ingredients of their negative emotions, might be helpful. For example, you could say, “I know you are saying I hate you, which means that there is nothing positive that you can detect about this person or group, nothing that you have in common. Is this really true?”

I think it’s better not to let your emotions reach the level of hate, and to start working on them while you are still angry. If it doesn’t work, consider whether you still want that relationship.

Hate can dissolve over time if the hated individual/group leaves your life, changes completely, or if you can work on changing the way you think about them. But don’t count on it happening from one day to another. One needs to work on the disappearance of hate, like one has to work on maintaining love. Continue reading “Hate spreads easier than anger”

Posted in Alienated children, Alienation, Parental Alienation PA

The response in the body when we dislike someone

Negative feelings put stress on our bodies

Over time, this response puts stress on our bodies, conditioning us to be more skeptical of a person’s actions than we would be if we felt neutral about them. “In the mind, the neural connections become stronger and cause us to dwell more on the negative aspects of that person,” says Marsden. “Even if they were to do something positive, we’d pay more attention to the negative because that’s what we’ve trained our brain to do.” This explains why we have a seemingly endless list of negative facts about people we dislike, even if our rational brain would tell us there has to be something redeeming about them.

This heightened arousal of our fearful instincts causes us to dread future interactions with people we dislike. In turn, this conditions us into even further dislike of that person, which just validates our negative feelings. In this way, our distaste for another person becomes like a snake eating its tail: we dislike them because they make us feel bad, and we feel bad because we dislike them.

Continue reading “The response in the body when we dislike someone”

Posted in Alienated children, Alienation, Parental Alienation PA

HOW TO COPE WHEN YOU ARE HATED

Coping with hatred can be difficult, especially when there’s no apparent cause for the hatred. You may wonder how someone can have such deep, negative feelings toward you. Believing someone hates you can affect your mood, mental health, and self-esteem.

Remember that people make mistakes. Someone you’ve hurt won’t always be able to forgive you. However, if you regret the action, consider how to learn and grow from what happened so that you don’t hurt anyone else.If someone hates you because they feel wronged by you, it’s possible you want to reach out to them. You may wish to discuss their feelings, apologize, or make the situation clear. This could help when someone is merely angry with you, but when it comes to hatred, it may be difficult to have a calm, rational discussion with the other person.

Taking a trusted friend or loved one with you can help. Getting advice from someone unbiased (like a licensed counselor) can also help put the situation in perspective. Depending on the circumstances, it may be best not to engage the other person.

If a coworker’s hatred for you affects your performance at work or even causes difficulties outside of work, Human Resources can give you advice or direct you to workplace resources.

When you’ve been threatened, or even if you just feel unsafe, you may want to seek advice from law enforcement. If you’re working with a therapist, it may help to start by talking through the situation openly in a therapy session. Your therapist can help you explore helpful solutions and offer support. Continue reading “HOW TO COPE WHEN YOU ARE HATED”

Posted in Alienated children, Alienation, Linda Turner, Parental Alienation PA, Recovery, Self Help

I am an amazing parent and grandparent

Come and join me in telling the world what an amazing parent/grandparent you are!

I am creating a gallery of letters from all of you amazing parents and grandparents out there on this website to remind ourselves what great parents/grandparents we are.

I have two children and have been the best parent and grandparent I possibly could be over the years.

I have spent many years, months, , weeks, days and hours loving and caring for my 2 children and grandchildren.

I have traveled back and forth on public transport and often on foot to hospitals, doctors surgeries, clinics, dentists, school events, leisure centers, visiting relatives etc, the list goes on.

I have organised special birthdays and baked birthday cakes, I have handmade costumes for fancy dress and school plays, repaired and painted dolls houses and handmade, clothes, Christmas and birthday presents when we did not have much money.

I have loved and cared for my children for many years through illness, crisis and trauma in addition to many happy events.

I always made sure my children were loved by not only myself, but had contact with aunties, uncles, cousins, grandparents friends and other relatives.

As my children got older I still supported them even though my ex stopped all contact for 20 plus years (and he is still trying). My son came to live with me for over 6 weeks and I supported him emotionally and financially even though he had nothing to do with me for many years.

My daughter has come to me for money and support through various situations since the age of 18. I have helped her with her catering exams when she lived in Australia, I lent her large sums of money throughout the years. I have encouraged and helped her set up and start at least 2 businesses. I was there when she left her husband on several occasions to pick up the pieces. I have traveled back and forth overseas (Spain, Australia, UK) to babysit the grandchildren. I have bailed her out when her horses and dog where stranded in Spain last year.

The list goes on and on, I have done everything I possibly can to be the very best parent and grandparent.

So whatever they may say about you:

  • Whatever lies are being told about you by the ex and their team of enablers
  • Even if all the photographs of the past have been destroyed or removed (only 1 left featured saved by my mother)
  • You know the truth.

YOU DONT NEED ANYONE TO TELL YOU THAT YOU ARE AN AMAZING PARENT/GRANDPARENT, YOU KNOW DEEP DOWN THAT YOU ARE.

We cant change the past, so come and join me on a journey of recovery reminding ourselves of how amazing we are. Lets celebrate and remind ourselves of who we really are.

AMAZING PARENTS & GRANDPARENTS

 

Linda (30 years alienated but I am still a parent and grandparent.)