This article summarizes panel discussions that took place at an international conference on shared parenting (SP) held in May 2017. The panelists were internationally recognized experts on the legal and psychological implications of custody arrangements and parenting plans. Seven broad themes dominated the discussions: whether or not there was persuasive evidence that SP provides real benefits to children whose parents separate; what specific factors make SP beneficial; what symbolic value SP might have; whether there should be a legal presumption in favor of SP, and if so, what factors should make for exceptions; whether high parental conflict, parents’ failure to agree on the parenting plan, or dynamics of parental alienation should preclude SP; and what should happen when a parent wants to relocate away from the other parent.
Researchers have argued parentification and language brokering experienced in childhood are similar in nature and may have the same deleterious effects on mental health outcomes in adulthood, although there is a dearth of empirical research examining this contention. To address this gap in the literature, parentification was analyzed multidimensionally with subscales for parent-focused parentification, sibling-focused parentification, instrumental parentification, emotional parentification, and perceived unfairness in a nonclinical sample of adults (N = 1,796; Mage = 21.23, SD = 5.25). Overall, we found all parentification scores—with the exception of sibling-focused parentification—to be predictive of mental health outcomes (i.e., depressive, anxiety, and somatic symptoms as well as overall psychological distress). Language brokering showed similar results but to a lesser degree, suggesting parentification had a stronger association with mental health. We also found significant gender differences pointing toward higher levels of parentification and language brokering in male participants. Implications for research and practice are discussed.
He or she will make everyone feel totally on edge with the black mood. Or the narcissist may explode and create a scene, or cause trouble between people. Or purposely ignore you to punish you by lavishing attention on someone else … or trigger you to make you look like the bad one … whatever it takes to create drama in order to gain significance.
As always with a narcissist, good attention or bad attention it doesn’t matter. Narcissists when they know they can affect other people gain significance that feeds their False Self.
So therefore don’t expect that you are going to have a great Christmas Day with a narcissist.
Don’t expect that a fractured person can act like a healthy person.
Don’t try to force a fractured person to act like a healthy person, or you will become more fractured.
Regularly people get abandoned and or punished at Christmas by narcissists. Commonly narcissists spoil Christmas for others. Continue reading “How Narcissists Behave at Christmas”
An individual with narcissistic personality disorder has a hair line trigger to any criticism real or imagined, and cannot be ‘wrong’. This creates a highly abusive situation for a person in a narcissistic relationship, because the narcissistic personality will perform outrageous abusive crimes and will take no responsibility for his or her actions.
According to the narcissist, he or she is above reproach and it is always someone else’s fault. The narcissist will use all sorts of malicious weapons to avoid taking responsibility and apologising, including adamantly and righteously denying any wrong doing, using lies as weapons to distract, citing that he or she did apologise when no credible apology was forthcoming, projecting by reaching into past unrelated incidents to use any slight he or she can muster against the other person, or by creating abandonment or threats to abusively make the other person back down or take on the fault instead.
When trying to get a narcissist to be accountable for painful, abusive and pathological acts, hooking into being abused is certain, and accountability from the narcissistic personality impossible. If trying to make a narcissist take responsibility and say ‘sorry’, the harder you try the harder the narcissist will hit back. Non-narcissistic individuals who possess a conscience are no match for the conscienceless narcissist. Be very aware that if he or she is cornered, the narcissist is more likely to devalue and discard you, exit the relationship, and abandon ‘loving you’ rather than be accountable and risk injuring his or her false self. Continue reading “A Narcissist Cannot Apologize or Take Accountability”
The loyalty bind with a narcissist is different than other loyalty binds, in that it requires the individual involved with the narc to choose between the narcissist and herself. And of course, when you’re the child of the narcissist it is no contest. The child will choose her parent’s desires every time. One woman explained to her therapist when he asked her to visualize her abusive mother as a lion and put her in a cage. The therapist wanted his client to realize she could walk away safely from her mother, whom the client perceived as dangerous. What the therapist failed to comprehend was the plight of a narcissist’s child’s experience with regard to the loyalty bind. This woman explained to the therapist, “As a child of a narcissist, I will get inside the cage with the lion.” This grown “child” has been indoctrinated, brainwashed, conditioned, trained, and programmed to do whatever her parent wants – no questions asked. She has learned well that she is to be loyal to her parent,
Daniela Sieff interviews Jungian analyst Donald Kalsched about the survival system a child develops to protect him or herself from psychological wounding, and discovers how that survival system can cause more damage than the original wound.
Taken from http://narcissistsupport.com/6-common-lies-narcissist/ read the full posts including all examples by clicking the above link.
The more stories I hear from other victims of narcissists, the more common threads become apparent. And although narcissists tend to be compulsive liars, most of their “larger” lies seem to fall within seven different categories. Keep in mind that Narcissism/Sociopathy is a spectrum–so a person may tell small or big lies in these areas. They may tell all seven kinds of lies, or as few as one (but par for the course seems to be 3 or more of these lies). I wanted to use examples so you could see what these lies look like in action, and many of the examples listed below are (unfortunately) taken from both my own experiences, and the experiences of some friends.
1. Military service/heroic acts of duty. Many Narcissists assert that they were either in the Military (and they weren’t), were in a top secret/important unit in the Military (and they weren’t) or were in the Military for longer than they really were. If they did actually join the Military, then odds are they’ve milked it for all it’s worth, talking about their service, or throwing in that they were in the Military when it could benefit them.
2. Deep religious or spiritual beliefs. Many Narcissists are ministers, youth leaders, and hold other various positions of prestige in their church. To listen to them speak, they are “super Christian” or “super Buddhist”, and if you didn’t know better you’d think that they really practiced what they preached. An extreme example of this would be Warren Jeffs, leader and one of the many self-proclaimed “Prophets” of the Fundamentalist Latter Day Saints (FLDS). Jeffs created a polygamist compound on the Utah-Arizona border, and he, along with many other men in the compound were arrested for sexual assault and rape of many of the minor children there. Jeffs considers his blood, as well as his bloodline to be “royal,” and believes that he was chosen by God to lead his followers. Jim Baker would be another preacher whose actions didn’t line up with his words, as he was busted for hiring prostitutes and “misusing” funds he’d collected for his ministry.
3. Advanced Degrees/Business owners/success. Because many Narcissists are so appearances and image driven, it’s not uncommon for them to lie about having PhDs, medical degrees, other advanced degrees, or claiming that they owned a business of some sort and had great success.
4. Cheating/Fidelity. Sex is one of the Narcissist’s best weapons. Narcissists are the ultimate hypocrites, and demand complete fidelity and honesty, but never return it. They will often even project their cheating onto their victim, accusing him or her of the act! Perhaps the number one way most victims come to learn about Narcissists is when they catch them cheating the second, third, or fourth time.
5. Using other people’s stories, ideas or efforts as their own. Some Narcissists will “borrow” other people’s stories and pass them off as their own. At times they will even do this in front of other people that were there when the real story happened! They value a good story over the truth any day of the week.
6. Outlandish stories. Narcissists can come up with some crazyyy stories. They are so over the top that the listener knows they’ve got to be made up, yet the Narcissist keeps going.
7. Money. Many will pretend that they are more financial stable than they are, or that at one time they had a lot of money.
For all the complaints most parents make about spoiled children, children really do have very little power over their parents. This is even more true in the case of a child with an NPD parent, since the child intimately knows the unpredictability, implied threats and intense rages that the parent demonstrates. The child learns early in life to ‘duck and cover’ by constantly appeasing the childish whims (that change with the breeze) of the NPD parent. The child becomes terrified that if they speak to anyone outside of the family about their very ill parent, no one will listen or believe them, since the NPD parent is a master of the ‘false face’ in public. Secondarily, the child is terrified that their complaint will get back to the NPD parent, and they will pay a high penalty for this.
read the complete article here:-http://hubpages.com/health/The-Child-Victim-of-a-Narcissistic-Personality-Disordered-Parent
I was the child of two parents with Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD) growing up. My mother had BPD and my father had BPD and Narcissistic Personality Disorder. They were both alcoholics. Both were highly invalidating and emotionally unavailable. They worked and had some functionality but drank every night and weekends. They were both fairly angry to outrightly raging often. The only person they regularly raged at was me. Once in a while my younger brother would catch part of their rages but I was the one they chose to be the container of all the emotions they were dissociated from – their pain – pain that was only expressed as rage.
For more go to: ajmahari.caAdult-children of a parent with Borderline Personality Disorder, whether or not you are also diagnosed with BPD often have profound scars from childhood that have lasting consequences. Understanding more about rage in your borderline parent and the different ways it can manifest is important. Under the central core wound of abandonment that is a consequence of, among other things, the abandoned pain of BPD there is such pain from theshame of that abandonment that rage is not only a common response but a necessary one. Most adult children of a borderline parent, have in one way or another suffered greatly due to the rage and anger of the borderline parent’s anger/rage whether it is obviously shown or not.
read the full story here:- My Narcissistic Father’s Attempt to Make a Mini-Me
Both of my parents are narcissists who divorced when I was six. I resided primarily with my mother and spent every other weekend at my father’s. One Saturday my father arrived unannounced. He had me get in the back seat of his car and said “Here, catch”
An over-sized, leather baseball mitt landed in my lap.
“Uh-oh” I thought.
Back then, my father was a prominent businessman in the town bordering my mothers. So he didn’t take me to little league tryouts where my friends would be. Instead, he took me to the field in the next town over where all his business contacts’ kids were trying out.
See, my father was some hotshot—by his accounts—baseball player in high school and college. Since I was his son, he figured that I’d have the same talent. So he took me to where he could show me off by having his kid mirror his talent. Essentially, he was looking for me to outperform all his friends’ kids so people could see how great he was.
He really should have played at least one game of catch with me first.