Posted in Adult Children of Narcissists, As Narcissists and narcissistic people age, BEING A CHILD OF NARCISSISTS, Malignant Narcissists Get Worse With Age, Narcissists And Sociopaths:, Narcissists are particularly nasty, Parental Alienation & Narcissistic Personality Disorder

How Narcissists Behave at Christmas

He or she will make everyone feel totally on edge with the black mood. Or the narcissist may explode and create a scene, or cause trouble between people. Or purposely ignore you to punish you by lavishing attention on someone else … or trigger you to make you look like the bad one … whatever it takes to create drama in order to gain significance.

As always with a narcissist, good attention or bad attention it doesn’t matter. Narcissists when they know they can affect other people gain significance that feeds their False Self.

So therefore don’t expect that you are going to have a great Christmas Day with a narcissist.

Don’t expect that a fractured person can act like a healthy person.

Don’t try to force a fractured person to act like a healthy person, or you will become more fractured.

Regularly people get abandoned and or punished at Christmas by narcissists. Commonly narcissists spoil Christmas for others. Continue reading “How Narcissists Behave at Christmas”

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Posted in A Narcissistic Parent, Abusive Narcissists Get Inside Your Head, Adult children of Narcissistic parents, Adult Children of Narcissistic Parents, Adult Children of Narcissists, ALIENATION AND THE NARCISSISTIC TOXIC MIX, BEING A CHILD OF NARCISSISTS, Parental Alienation & Narcissistic Personality Disorder

A Narcissist Cannot Apologize or Take Accountability

An individual with narcissistic personality disorder has a hair line trigger to any criticism real or imagined, and cannot be ‘wrong’. This creates a highly abusive situation for a person in a narcissistic relationship, because the narcissistic personality will perform outrageous abusive crimes and will take no responsibility for his or her actions.

According to the narcissist, he or she is above reproach and it is always someone else’s fault. The narcissist will use all sorts of malicious weapons to avoid taking responsibility and apologising, including adamantly and righteously denying any wrong doing, using lies as weapons to distract, citing that he or she did apologise when no credible apology was forthcoming, projecting by reaching into past unrelated incidents to use any slight he or she can muster against the other person, or by creating abandonment or threats to abusively make the other person back down or take on the fault instead.

When trying to get a narcissist to be accountable for painful, abusive and pathological acts, hooking into being abused is certain, and accountability from the narcissistic personality impossible. If trying to make a narcissist take responsibility and say ‘sorry’, the harder you try the harder the narcissist will hit back. Non-narcissistic individuals who possess a conscience are no match for the conscienceless narcissist. Be very aware that if he or she is cornered, the narcissist is more likely to devalue and discard you, exit the relationship, and abandon ‘loving you’ rather than be accountable and risk injuring his or her false self. Continue reading “A Narcissist Cannot Apologize or Take Accountability”

Posted in Adult children of Narcissistic parents, Adult Children of Narcissistic Parents, Adult Children of Narcissistic, Psychopathic, and Borderline Parents, Adult Children of Narcissists, BEING A CHILD OF NARCISSISTS, Daughters of narcissistic fathers, How do you survive a narcissist father?, HOW TO SURVIVE NARCISSISTIC ABUSE, Malignant narcissism is a personality disorder

The Loyalty Bind of the Narcissist’s Child

The loyalty bind with a narcissist is different than other loyalty binds, in that it requires the individual involved with the narc to choose between the narcissist and herself. And of course, when you’re the child of the narcissist it is no contest. The child will choose her parent’s desires every time. One woman explained to her therapist when he asked her to visualize her abusive mother as a lion and put her in a cage. The therapist wanted his client to realize she could walk away safely from her mother, whom the client perceived as dangerous. What the therapist failed to comprehend was the plight of a narcissist’s child’s experience with regard to the loyalty bind. This woman explained to the therapist, “As a child of a narcissist, I will get inside the cage with the lion.” This grown “child” has been indoctrinated, brainwashed, conditioned, trained, and programmed to do whatever her parent wants – no questions asked. She has learned well that she is to be loyal to her parent,

Source: The Loyalty Bind of the Narcissist’s Child

Posted in #Pathogenic Parenting, Adult Children of Narcissists, Adult Children of Parental Alienation - Resources, Adult Children of Parental Alienation Syndrome:, Adult Children Of Psychopaths, Adult Survivors of Childhood Trauma, Parental Alienation & Narcissistic Personality Disorder

Unlocking the Secrets of the Wounded Psyche

Daniela Sieff interviews Jungian analyst Donald Kalsched about the survival system a child develops to protect him or herself from psychological wounding, and discovers how that survival system can cause more damage than the original wound.

http://www.danielasieff.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/09/Unlocking-the-Secrets-of-the-Wounded-Psyche-2008-JN-b..pdf

Posted in A Narcissistic Parent, Adult children of Narcissistic parents, Adult Children of Narcissists, Lies of a Narcissist, Parental Alienation & Narcissistic Personality Disorder

Most Common Lies of a Narcissist

Taken from http://narcissistsupport.com/6-common-lies-narcissist/ read the full posts including all examples by clicking the above link.

The more stories I hear from other victims of narcissists, the more common threads become apparent.  And although narcissists tend to be compulsive liars, most of their “larger” lies seem to fall within seven different categories.   Keep in mind that Narcissism/Sociopathy is a spectrum–so a person may tell small or big lies in these areas. They may tell all seven kinds of lies, or as few as one (but par for the course seems to be 3 or more of these lies). I wanted to use examples so you could see what these lies look like in action, and many of the examples listed below are (unfortunately) taken from both my own experiences, and the experiences of some friends.

1. Military service/heroic acts of duty.  Many Narcissists assert that they were either in the Military (and they weren’t), were in a top secret/important unit in the Military (and they weren’t) or were in the Military for longer than they really were.  If they did actually join the Military, then odds are they’ve milked it for all it’s worth, talking about their service, or throwing in that they were in the Military when it could benefit them.

 

2. Deep religious or spiritual beliefs.  Many Narcissists are ministers, youth leaders, and hold other various positions of prestige in their church.  To listen to them speak, they are “super Christian” or “super Buddhist”, and if you didn’t know better you’d think that they really practiced what they preached. An extreme example of this would be Warren Jeffs, leader and one of the many self-proclaimed “Prophets” of the Fundamentalist Latter Day Saints (FLDS). Jeffs created a polygamist compound on the Utah-Arizona border, and he, along with many other men in the compound were arrested for sexual assault and rape of many of the minor children there.  Jeffs considers his blood, as well as his bloodline to be “royal,” and believes that he was chosen by God to lead his followers.  Jim Baker would be another preacher whose actions didn’t line up with his words, as he was busted for hiring prostitutes and “misusing” funds he’d collected for his ministry.

 

3. Advanced Degrees/Business owners/success.  Because many Narcissists are so appearances and image driven, it’s not uncommon for them to lie about having PhDs, medical degrees, other advanced degrees, or claiming that they owned a business of some sort and had great success.

 

4. Cheating/Fidelity. Sex is one of the Narcissist’s best weapons.  Narcissists are the ultimate hypocrites, and demand complete fidelity and honesty, but never return it. They will often even project their cheating onto their victim, accusing him or her of the act! Perhaps the number one way most victims come to learn about Narcissists is when they catch them cheating the second, third, or fourth time.

 

5. Using other people’s stories, ideas or efforts as their own.  Some Narcissists will “borrow” other people’s stories and pass them off as their own.  At times they will even do this in front of other people that were there when the real story happened!  They value a good story over the truth any day of the week.

 

6. Outlandish stories. Narcissists can come up with some crazyyy stories.  They are so over the top that the listener knows they’ve got to be made up, yet the Narcissist keeps going.

 

7. Money.  Many will pretend that they are more financial stable than they are, or that at one time they had a lot of money.

 

Posted in A Narcissistic Parent, Abusive Narcissists Get Inside Your Head, Adult children of Narcissistic parents, Adult Children of Narcissists, Parental Alienation & Narcissistic Personality Disorder

The Child’s Experience of NPD Abuse

For all the complaints most parents make about spoiled children, children really do have very little power over their parents. This is even more true in the case of a child with an NPD parent, since the child intimately knows the unpredictability, implied threats and intense rages that the parent demonstrates. The child learns early in life to ‘duck and cover’ by constantly appeasing the childish whims (that change with the breeze) of the NPD parent. The child becomes terrified that if they speak to anyone outside of the family about their very ill parent, no one will listen or believe them, since the NPD parent is a master of the ‘false face’ in public. Secondarily, the child is terrified that their complaint will get back to the NPD parent, and they will pay a high penalty for this.

read the complete article here:-http://hubpages.com/health/The-Child-Victim-of-a-Narcissistic-Personality-Disordered-Parent

Posted in Adult children do not recognise they are being alienated, Adult children of Narcissistic parents, Adult Children of Narcissists, Parental Alienation PA

Adult Children of Those with Borderline Personality

I was the child of two parents with Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD) growing up. My mother had BPD and my father had BPD and Narcissistic Personality Disorder. They were both alcoholics. Both were highly invalidating and emotionally unavailable. They worked and had some functionality but drank every night and weekends. They were both fairly angry to outrightly raging often. The only person they regularly raged at was me. Once in a while my younger brother would catch part of their rages but I was the one they chose to be the container of all the emotions they were dissociated from – their pain – pain that was only expressed as rage.

For more go to: ajmahari.caAdult-children of a parent with Borderline Personality Disorder, whether or not you are also diagnosed with BPD often have profound scars from childhood that have lasting consequences. Understanding more about rage in your borderline parent and the different ways it can manifest is important. Under the central core wound of abandonment that is a consequence of, among other things, the abandoned pain of BPD there is such pain from theshame of that abandonment that rage is not only a common response but a necessary one. Most adult children of a borderline parent, have in one way or another suffered greatly due to the rage and anger of the borderline parent’s anger/rage whether it is obviously shown or not.

Adult Children of Those with Borderline Personality

Posted in Adult children of Narcissistic parents, Adult Children of Narcissists, ALIENATION AND THE NARCISSISTIC TOXIC MIX, As Narcissists and narcissistic people age, BEING A CHILD OF NARCISSISTS, COMPREHENSIVE LIST OF TRAITS OF NARCISSISTS, Parental Alienation PA

My Narcissistic Father’s Attempt to Make a Mini-Me

 read the full  story here:- My Narcissistic Father’s Attempt to Make a Mini-Me

Both of my parents are narcissists who divorced when I was six. I resided primarily with my mother and spent every other weekend at my father’s. One Saturday my father arrived unannounced. He had me get in the back seat of his car and said “Here, catch”

An over-sized, leather baseball mitt landed in my lap.

“Uh-oh” I thought.

Back then, my father was a prominent businessman in the town bordering my mothers. So he didn’t take me to little league tryouts where my friends would be. Instead, he took me to the field in the next town over where all his business contacts’ kids were trying out.

See, my father was some hotshot—by his accounts—baseball player in high school and college. Since I was his son, he figured that I’d have the same talent. So he took me to where he could show me off by having his kid mirror his talent. Essentially, he was looking for me to outperform all his friends’ kids so people could see how great he was.

He really should have played at least one game of catch with me first.

Posted in A Narcissistic Parent, Abusive Narcissists Get Inside Your Head, Adult children of Narcissistic parents, Adult Children of Narcissists, Parental Alienation PA

Why Your Narcissistic Parent Needs You

Why Your Narcissistic Parent Needs You

Isn’t is puzzling? No matter how much you ignore your narcissistic parent they keep coming back to you. Even if you say “I don’t want any contact with you,” they’re back.

It’s like trying to stop that stray dog from following you home.

When your narcissistic father is pursuing you, it’s almost possible to believe he loves you.

But he doesn’t. He’s not capable of loving you. He’ll tell you he loves you. But when you think back you realize that he’s never demonstrated unconditional love for you. His “love” has always been conditional on how much adoration and praise you shower on him.

That’s not love.

The Disappearing Narcissistic Parent

Back in the early 90s, I was having a rough time making it, financially speaking. The bad economy decimated the town I was living in. There were few jobs to be found. I found three part-time jobs—the highest paying being $5 per hour—and a $60 a week apartment about the size of a refrigerator box.

I couldn’t afford a car so I walked to work. The nearest grocery store was over a mile away, so I was limited in what I could purchase each trip.

I couldn’t afford a phone, so I couldn’t leave a phone number on job applications to get a higher paying job.

My narcissistic mother knew the situation I was in. She never came around to check on me. Never offered a ride to the grocery store so I could stock up. Never had me come over to do my laundry so I didn’t have to carry a garbage bag of clothes a half mile. And she certainly didn’t offer to help out with my expenses.

I didn’t see much of her for a couple years. Yet when I got back on my feet and had a respectable job I heard from her all the time.

What gives?

read more here:- Why Your Narcissistic Parent Needs You

Posted in Adult Children of Narcissists

Adult Children of Narcissists

“People who are relatively free of narcissistic traits (most of us have some) do not attempt to place themselves above others. They are unconcerned with such comparisons. They stay in touch with their feelings and try to do their personal best. Their standards are internal and realistic since they have a good idea of who they are and what they can accomplish (such objectivity is not insignificant). They are not free of idealistic wishes and dreams.
“Narcissists are wholly different. They unconsciously deny an unstated and intolerably poor self-image through inflation. They turn themselves into glittering figures of immense grandeur surrounded by psychologically impenetrable walls. The goal of this self-deception is to be impervious to greatly feared external criticism and to their own roiling sea of doubts.
“This figure of paradox needs to be regarded as perfect by all. To achieve this, he or she constructs an elaborate persona (a social mask which is presented to the world). The persona needs an appreciative audience to applaud it. If enough people do so, the narcissist is relieved that no one can see through his disguise. The persona is a defensive schema to hide behind, like the false-front stores on a Western movie set. When you peer behind the propped-up wall, you find . . . nothing. Similarly, behind the grandiose parading, the narcissist feels empty and devoid of value.
Because his life is organized to deny negative feelings about himself and to maintain an illusion of superiority, the narcissist’s family is forcibly conscripted into supporting roles. They have no other option if they wish to get along with him. His mate must be admiring and submissive to keep the marriage going and his children will automatically mold themselves into any image that is projected upon them.
“Here the tragedy begins. A narcissist cannot see his children as they are but only as his unconscious needs dictate. He does not question why his children are incredibly wonderful (better than anyone else’s) or intolerably horrible (the worst in all respects) or why his view of them ricochets from one extreme to another with no middle ground. It is what they are.
“When he is idealizing them, he sees their talents as mythic, an inflation that indicates they are being used as an extension of his grandiose self. When he hates them and finds their characteristics unacceptable, he is projecting hated parts of himself onto them. Whether idealizing or denigrating, he is entirely unaware that what he sees is a projection and that his views are laying a horrible burden on his child.
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“The offspring of narcissists grow up fulfilling their assigned roles. They may sense that they are in a state of falsehood, but do not know what to do about feelings of nonauthenticity. They try all the harder to become what they are supposed to be, as if their feelings of uneasiness come from an improper realization of their role. If their parents see them as miserably deficient, from the shape of their bodies to the power of their minds, that is what they become. If they were portrayed to themselves as great muckamucks, especially if they have innate ability to fulfill a powerful role, they become the movers and shakers of society.
“At heart, children of narcissists, raised up or cast down by the ever-evaluating parent, feel themselves to be less than nothing because they must ‘be’ something to earn their parents’ love. Conditional love offers no support for the inner self. It creates people who have no personal sense of substance or worth. Nourished on conditional love, children of narcissists become conditional. They find themselves unreal.”
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“As a child, the narcissist-to-be found his essential self rejected by his narcissistic parent. The wounds of the parent are a template for the wounding of the child. Each narcissistic parent in each generation repeats the crime that was perpetrated against him. The crime is non-acceptance. The narcissist is more demanding and deforming of the child he identifies with more strongly, although all his children are pulled into his web of subjectivity. How can he accept offspring who are the product of his own unconsciously despised self?
“The narcissist-to-be turns away from a world he perceives as devoid of nurturance and love (since a mother’s care gives the child its first version of the world). He withdraws into grandiose fantasies to shield himself from profound feelings of unworthiness caused by the fact that his mother does not really love him. Grandiosity permits him to believe that he is complete and perfect unto himself, thus shielding him from his secret sense that he is a ravening beast, ready to murder others in order to eat and survive. The food of this beast is admiration.
“The narcissistic mother, caretaker of the child’s earliest years, is grandiose, chronically cold but overprotective. She invades her child’s autonomy and manipulates him to conform to her wishes. She rejects all about him that she finds objectionable, putting him in the anxiety-ridden position of losing her affection if he expresses dissatisfaction. She responds to his baby rages and fussing with anxiety, anger, or withdrawal. He becomes unable to cope with the ugly feelings that threaten to erupt and destroy the bond between him and his mother, the bond he depends on for survival.
“His mother’s grandiosity models a way out of his dilemma. She places him on a common throne, sharing the rarefied air of her greatness. By appropriating and embellishing the aura of specialness in which she has enveloped him he can create a grandiose fantasy about himself to escape to. This fantasy eventually crystallizes into a psychic structure we call the grandiose self. A new narcissist is born.