Posted in A Narcissistic Parent, Abusive Narcissists Get Inside Your Head, ALIENATION AND THE NARCISSISTIC TOXIC MIX, Destructive Narcissism, destructive narcissist pattern (DNP), How do you survive a narcissist father?, HOW TO SURVIVE NARCISSISTIC ABUSE, Parental Alienation PA

Dr. Jekyll and the evil Mr.(s). Hyde

It won’t be long before you will become privy to your narcissists frightening temper.  At first their rage will be indirect, aimed at someone else.  This demonstration of their power functions in such a way that it serves to intimidate and control others, including you.  You are also likely to witness physical outbursts, like demonstratively putting their fists through a solid wall, breaking or throwing things, hurling abuse; and it won’t be too long after that when you will be on the receiving end of the violence.   All of these tactics, along with their scathing criticism of you are designed to erode your self-esteem, your confidence, and give them even more control over you.  The more fearful you become, the more they will rule by fear, it is as if their power is an aphrodisiac to them.  As a result of the fear you will be subjected to, you will find yourself becoming highly vigilant, nervous and overly sensitive to every threat, walking on eggshells around your captor.  The more insecure you become, the more powerful your narcissist becomes.

Bit by bit you will become isolated from all your supports; your family, friends and colleagues.  The isolation is likely to happen without your realizing it; it may be through covert and overt acts of criticism in an attempt to turn you against the people you are closest to.  Truth is that your narcissist can feel threatened by outsiders influencing you to see through the illusion they have created, so they need to isolate you.  Their behaviour will become so demanding that you will withdraw rather than go through this punishing and tortuous interrogation every time you want to meet up with anybody.  Friends and family tend to become tired of all the excuses you make, and they step back from you.  Before you know what has happened, you are isolated, and job done for the narcissist.

Throughout this crazy behaviour, just to confuse things more, your narcissist switches to being a sweetheart.   You see the person you fell in love with suddenly emerge once again.  You’re beautiful Dr. Jekyll returns, and the evil Mr.(s). Hyde disappears out of sight, and your heart begins to sing once again.  Your guards come down; you move close to your beloved once again, this move towards them melts away all the hatred and frustration you were feeling.  You are filled with hope and a renewed optimism for the future, and you cling on with all of your might.  But this phase does not last for long, and very soon you are back to the downward spiral yet again, and along with the fear comes renewed criticism from an even more enraged Mr(s) Hyde.  It is this duality in the human nature of the narcissist (the “pull and push” behaviour) that leads to the Trauma Bonding (Stockholm Syndrome) and co-dependency needs that is so damaging for the victim.  Whatever caused the change to the narcissist’s behaviour, you can be sure it will be your fault, because your narcissist never ever takes responsibility for their behaviour.  Ultimately you are the blame; somehow you provoked whatever “bad” happens.

 

read more here:-Whether a man or a woman, take care not to give your heart too quickly to a narcissist!

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Posted in A Narcissistic Parent, Abusive Narcissists Get Inside Your Head, BEING A CHILD OF NARCISSISTS, Daughters of narcissistic fathers, Destructive Narcissism, destructive narcissist pattern (DNP), HOW TO SURVIVE NARCISSISTIC ABUSE, Parental Alienation PA

Narcissism – The 21st Century Epidemic

The 21st Century has brought with it a narcissistic epidemic, and a flood of traumatised victims that end up in the therapy room.  Unfortunately, Narcissism and  Narcissistic Victim Abuse (NVS) are subjects that most therapists are unaware of, leaving them ill equipped for recognizing and working with victims suffering from this devastating form of abuse, an abuse that strips them of their identity. From the boardroom to the bedroom, narcissists are everywhere; they can be parents, partners, friends, bosses, siblings—no one is safe. This form of abuse goes way beyond physical and psychological injury, it strikes at the very soul of the victim, leaving them wondering whether they are literally going mad. It is imperative for everyone to understand the relationship dynamics that exists between the narcissist and their victims, i.e. their need for entitlement, control, power, grandiosity and specialness.

read more here:- http://narcissisticbehavior.net/

Posted in A Narcissistic Parent, Abusive Narcissists Get Inside Your Head, Adult children of Narcissistic parents, Adult Children of Narcissists, Parental Alienation PA

Why Your Narcissistic Parent Needs You

Why Your Narcissistic Parent Needs You

Isn’t is puzzling? No matter how much you ignore your narcissistic parent they keep coming back to you. Even if you say “I don’t want any contact with you,” they’re back.

It’s like trying to stop that stray dog from following you home.

When your narcissistic father is pursuing you, it’s almost possible to believe he loves you.

But he doesn’t. He’s not capable of loving you. He’ll tell you he loves you. But when you think back you realize that he’s never demonstrated unconditional love for you. His “love” has always been conditional on how much adoration and praise you shower on him.

That’s not love.

The Disappearing Narcissistic Parent

Back in the early 90s, I was having a rough time making it, financially speaking. The bad economy decimated the town I was living in. There were few jobs to be found. I found three part-time jobs—the highest paying being $5 per hour—and a $60 a week apartment about the size of a refrigerator box.

I couldn’t afford a car so I walked to work. The nearest grocery store was over a mile away, so I was limited in what I could purchase each trip.

I couldn’t afford a phone, so I couldn’t leave a phone number on job applications to get a higher paying job.

My narcissistic mother knew the situation I was in. She never came around to check on me. Never offered a ride to the grocery store so I could stock up. Never had me come over to do my laundry so I didn’t have to carry a garbage bag of clothes a half mile. And she certainly didn’t offer to help out with my expenses.

I didn’t see much of her for a couple years. Yet when I got back on my feet and had a respectable job I heard from her all the time.

What gives?

read more here:- Why Your Narcissistic Parent Needs You

Posted in A Narcissistic Parent

5 Ways To Deal With A Narcissistic Parent

Is your parent a narcissist? Many parents are difficult or overbearing, but a few cross the line into the pathological type of narcissism that can turn your relationship into a nightmare. If your parent fits this description, here are five ways to cope.
1. Recognize that their behavior is abnormal, not merely “difficult.”

Most people ultimately want to work out a problem in a way that’s mutually agreeable, but a person with Narcissistic Personality Disorder thrives on the power play. For a parent with NPD– or who you suspect has NPD– it’s often “their way or the highway.” In my own family, my father has chosen not to see his grandchildren for years rather than make a reasonable concession about the terms of visits. If your parent values their ability to control you above having a functioning relationship, you can assure yourself that this is not normal or healthy human behavior.

2. Set firm boundaries.

A narcissistic parent will frequently overstep reasonable boundaries just to prove they can. They may invite themselves to events, make a point of giving gifts only to the family members they prefer, or disregard your wishes about how to interact with your children. You will often be in the position of having to enforce consequences for their inappropriate behavior– such as saying, “we’d be happy to visit you the day after Christmas, but not before, because we don’t want a repeat of what happened last year.” You may find yourself feeling as if you’re disciplining a child, but that is the reality of managing someone whose behavior is inherently selfish.

3. Don’t let yourself be gaslighted.
It’s very common for an NPD parent to try to convince you that you’re crazy or delusional. A friend’s mother constantly tells her she remembers situations incorrectly– even though a social worker’s documentation supports the friend’s version. My father would express concern for my mental health, claiming I was misremembering events from my life that he wasn’t even present for. I had thought this was a personal quirk of his until I learned it is a well-known manipulation tactic of people with NPD. While we don’t always remember things with perfect accuracy, you cannot let reality be dictated to you by someone with a personality disorder.

4. Realize that friends may not understand your situation.

Friends and acquaintances who have no experience with NPD often give the most unhelpful support and advice. They will say “she’s the only mother you’ll ever have, you need to do whatever it takes to work it out” or “He’ll come around eventually, you’ll see. My great-uncle was mad at the family for ten years and then made up with everyone.” But when your parent’s personality disorder is the problem, the normal routes to peace won’t work. It isn’t a matter of settling a disagreement– it’s a problem that will keep coming back unless the parent seeks treatment (which most people with NPD will not do). You may worry that others will judge you for creating distance between yourself and your parent. But don’t allow yourself to feel guilty for handling a narcissist differently from how you’d handle an emotionally healthy parent.
5. Accept that you may have to cut ties and move on.

For a long time, I believed it was my responsibility to try to “work it out” with my father. After a six-year estrangement, I met with him and then spent the next year trying to heal our relationship. But soon it became apparent that nothing was going to improve. He saw this not as a second chance or new beginning, but as an opportunity to make me pay for the things I’d done that he resented. Thanks to the extended break from his influence, though, I was able to clearly see how bizarre and unhealthy his behavior was, and knew my kids and I deserved better.

After a year of earnest effort, and another email telling me I needed to work harder to get back into his good graces, I realized we had reached the end of the road. I wanted a healthy father-daughter relationship, but he only wanted someone to manipulate, and I wasn’t interested in filling that role. I said goodbye and, more than a year later, have never had a moment of regret about it. I could not make peace with my father, but I could make peace with the absence of my father.

If you are dealing with a narcissistic parent, be aware that you’re not alone in your experiences. Online you will find many support groups, helpful articles, and people sharing their stories. And if you’re the friend of someone struggling with this situation, listen with sympathy and encourage your friend to trust and protect herself. In the end, no matter how good our intentions, life is too short to wait on another person to grant us peace of mind

http://thoughtcatalog.com/rebecca-coleman/2014/03/5-ways-to-deal-with-a-narcissistic-parent/