- Stifle their children’s emotional expression
- Ridicule their children
- Hold their children to standards that are too high
- Rely too heavily on children for their own sense of worth
- Treat their children as peers
Many people grow up with fears around abandonment. Some are plagued by these fears pretty consistently throughout their lives. They worry they’ll be rejected by peers, partners, schools, companies, or entire social circles. For many others, these fears aren’t fully realized until they enter into a romantic relationship. Things will be going along smoothly, and all of a sudden, they feel inundated with insecurity and dread that their partner will distance themselves, ignore, or leave them. Everyone experiences this fear at different levels. Most of us can relate to having heightened anxiety over thoughts of rejection. We may be set off by anything from an aloof first date to a longtime partner seeming distracted and unavailable. In extreme cases, people may struggle with “autophobia,” an overwhelming fear of being alone or isolated, in which they perceive themselves as being ignored, or uncared for even when they’re with another person. They may also experience a fear of abandonment phobia, which is characterized by extreme dependency on others, and is commonly seen among individuals diagnosed with Borderline Personality disorders.
The degree to which a person is faced with this fear can shape how they live their lives and experience their relationships. However, there are effective ways for people to develop more security within themselves and overcome their fear of abandonment. They can start by understanding where this fear comes from. How and why does it develop? How does it affect me in my current life? What are strategies for dealing with the anxiety that arises? How can I develop more resilience and experience less fear around relationships? Continue reading “The Narcs biggest fear- Fear of Abandonment”
Diagnostic Indicator 3: The presence in the child’s symptom display of severe psychiatric psychopathology involving an induced delusional belief and possibly induced phobic anxiety.
Pathogenic parenting that is creating severe developmental pathology, personality disorder pathology, and psychiatric pathology in a child as a means to stabilize the parent’s own psychopathology, and which is resulting in the loss for the child of
an affectionally bonded relationship with a normal-range and affectionally available parent, reasonably represents a DSM-5 diagnosis of V995.51 Child Psychological Abuse, Confirmed – which then activates the mental health professional’s “duty to protect” and professional obligation to take affirmative actions to protect the child.
The pathology of “parental alienation” is not a child custody issue, it is a child protection issue Continue reading “Psychiatric Pathology”
The allied narcissistic/(borderline) parent personality does not recognize the court’s authority over his or her impulses and desires. The narcissistic/(borderline) style personality believes that he or she is exempt from the rules and standards that govern
other people. As a result of this belief of inherent superiority, the narcissistic/(borderline) parent will frequently and unilaterally disregard court orders regarding custody and visitation that this parent finds inconvenient.
The narcissistic/(borderline) parent transmits this disregard of court orders and court authority to the child, so that the child feels similarly entitled to disregard court orders for custody and visitation. This child’s empowerment to disregard court authority
is reflected in the child’s refusal to go on court ordered visitations with the targeted parent, and reaches its zenith when the child selects to run away from the care of the targeted parent, in direct contravention to the court orders for custody and visitation. Continue reading “Allied Parent Disregards Court Orders and Court Authority”
Early intervention is key
Some of the child behaviours that parents come to us with which can be the early signs of parental alienation are what we call rejecting behaviours, such as;
- Your child asking you not to attend a school play or an important match.
- Your child’s sudden rejection of previously loved family members on your side of the family including grandparents.
- Your child saying they don’t want to see you, see you as much or have staying contact.
- Your child repeating or making allegations against you such as inappropriate chastisement/neglect.
- Your child starting to call you by your name rather than ‘daddy’ or ‘mummy’.
- Your child blaming you for any difficulties in the resident parent’s home such as lack of money.
- Your child having too much/ age inappropriate knowledge of financial issues or court proceedings.
- Your child ignoring your behaviour boundaries and authority and refusing to comply when they would have previously done so.
- Your child becoming withdrawn, reluctant to talk or distrustful of your ability to keep them safe.
- Your child seeming to ‘rewrite history’ in their newly negative recollections of happy family events.
Alienator insists that the target parent’s extended family is not the children’s “real family” or that they are no good.
Alienator tells the child(ren. that they have been replaced by the TPs new partner.
Alienator tells the child(ren. that they have been replaced by children born to the TP and any new partner – whether or not children have been born.
Alienator tells the child(ren. that they have been replaced by the TP’s new partner’s child(ren. and that they are therefore not wanted or loved by the TP.
Alienator denigrates all statements, answers, discipline and activities of the TP with regard to their child(ren. .
Alienator frequently suggests to the child(ren. that the TP and/or new partner will do harm to the child(ren. .
Alienator demands that the TP be subjected to and accept blame for any injury incurred by the child however minor and natural in the course of life.
Alienator forces the child to report minor injuries, bumps and bruises from play to a professional person as being the result of the TP and/or new partner.
Alienator shaves off the child’s hair when the cut is provided by the TP stating that the cut is bad and the hair ruined.
Alienator refuses the TP to comfort the child when injured in play.
Alienator demands medical intervention for minor illnesses (ie. Demanding antibiotics for colds. and play injuries.
Alienator undertakes “doctor shopping” until a practitioner sympathetic to their cause is found.
Alienator does not comply with appropriate medical advice from practitioners who are not sympathetic to their cause.
Alienator actively damages (cutting, tearing or staining. clothing provided for the child by the TP.
Alienator refuses reasonably required medical treatment where the TP has sought review for a serious medical condition, which impairs the child or causes them to suffer.
Alienator allows the child to undertake activities after separation from TP, which were previously refused and blames the TP for denying the child such activities.
Alienator refuses to allow the child(ren. time alone with other adults or children.
Alienator refuses to allow children to attend sleepovers with friends accusing friends parents of abuse.
Alienator refuses to allow sleepovers stating that they ‘do not want the children to see how others live.”
Alienator frequently tells the child(ren. that TP will harm them, has mental health problems etc. creating a fear of the TP.
Alienator informs the child(ren. that the TP has a criminal record for harming children.
Alienator will not allow the child(ren. to undergo any medical or psychological assessment without being present.
Alienator informs the child(ren. that they were unwanted by the TP and that the TP insisted that pregnancy be terminated.
Alienator insists that TP’s family never accepted she or the children and insisted that the pregnancy (ies. be terminated.
Alienator blames TP for poor food quality, housing quality and/or availability of funds even where child support is paid and/or alienator contact is minimal.
Alienator blames TP and new partner for stealing home, food, resources from the Alienator and child(ren. .
Alienator ignores the child(ren. when they discuss activities with the TP.
Alienator becomes angered when the child(ren. discuss activities with the TP.
Alienator becomes angered when the child(ren. express a desire to see/phone the TP.
Alienator becomes angered when child(ren. engage in mother’s/father’s day activities at school which are focused on the TP.
Alienator becomes angered when child expresses desire for contact with TP to school teachers/mates/colleagues.
Alienator removes child from school and relocates child without cause if the child expressed a desire for contact with TP.
Alienator informs child(ren. that TP is happier without them.
Alienator informs child(ren. that TP does not love them anymore, is never going to see them again, does not want them any more.
Alienator accuses the child(ren. of causing rifts/separation in the marriage.
Alienator informs child(ren. that TP is leaving THE CHILD(REN. rather than the marriage or the alienator.
Alienator accuses the TP of infidelity in earshot of the child(ren. .
Alienator writes letters ‘on behalf’ of the child(ren. claiming that the child(ren. have had input.
Alienator actively seeks to ensure that children believe that TP sends no letters, gifts or monies.
Alienator removes and destroys any items sent to the child(ren. through an outside facility (ie. School, grandparent. . This usually occurs on leaving the facility and appearing publicly to accept the items for the child.
Alienator actively destroys and discards any gifts or letters that the child(ren. do see.
Alienator insists that the child(ren. refer to TP using only a derogatory term (ie. The Bastard.
Alienator presents school teachers/principals with falsified documents/letters from practitioners or the AP.
Alienator pawns the TP’s personal and private belongings citing financial hardship to the child(ren. .
Alienator pawns or returns to the retailer, gifts from TP citing financial hardship to the children.
Alienator takes every opportunity to belittle the TP, in the presence of the child(ren. , when seeking assistance from welfare agencies and providers.
and many many more on this site:- Continue reading “Red Flags or Examples of Parental Alienation”
Limiting/Interfering with Mail and Phone Contact
One-third of the targeted parents reported interference with mail and phone contact. Doing so by intercepting calls, e-mails, and phone messages was reported to be a problem by 22.9% of the targeted parents.
“During the last phone conversation I had with my son, the phone was snatched from him,” “Has repeatedly instructed my son not to speak with me on the telephone while he is at her house. Repeatedly hastens my child off the phone, or makes excuses why he cannot speak with me.” “My ex refuses to allow me to speak to my boys when I call them– demanding that I ‘respect her time.’ ” “He says I am harassing him if I
use his e-mail address.”
Eliminating phone and mail contact altogether (not providing address, turning off the phone, blocking calls) was described by 9.4% of the parents. “Changing the phone number so I can’t call.” “Won’t let me call the house–I am only allowed to call her personal cell phone and leave a message. Changes home phone number if she thinks I may have it,” and 5.2% described a variation of the above, which was monitoring
calls, letters, and other forms of contact. “Refuses to let the children speak to me on the other phone without him on the other line.” “Refuses to allow the children to have a private phone conversation with me.” And “monitors our telephone conversations or has his parents do it.”
Throwing out letters was mentioned by 3.1% of the targeted parents. “Cards, letters, and gifts NEVER arrive.” “Tears up things I send to my son.” Seven percent of the survey respondents reported some “other” form of interference with mail and phone contact. These included, “Refuses to permit me to write to my child at their home or post office box and refuses to permit me to call my child at home. All communication has to go through the court-appointed advocate or our family therapist.” “Tells the girls they do not have to talk to me on the phone.” “Gave as a reason for not allowing us to e-mail that he did not think it was good that my son have access to the internet; but in the same e-mail said it was ok as long as I paid for the internet service and bought our son a new computer.” “Gave my child a cell phone but did not give me the cell phone number.” Continue reading “Limiting/Interfering with Mail and Phone Contact”
One section of the survey asked participants to list every type of behavior that they believed the alienating parent used to effectuate the alienation. From prior research and review of the responses, a list of possible strategies was developed. The 1,300 actions described by the 97 participants were independently coded. Results revealed 66 types of strategies, 11 mentioned by at least 20% of the sample. There was considerable but not complete overlap in the strategies identified by the targeted parents with those described by adult children (from another study). There were no statistical differences in the number or type of strategy mentioned based on the gender of the targeted parent or the gender of the target child. Level of severity of PAS (mild, moderate, severe) as perceived by the targeted parent was associated with age and gender of the target child, with girls and older children being more likely to be reported as more severely alienated. These results provide a systematic examination of the different types of alienation strategies known to targeted parents and as such they offer several avenues for clinical interventions and future research. Continue reading “Behaviors and Strategies Employed in Parental Alienation”
Isolation from Outside Support
A hallmark of all domestic emotional abuse is the methodical isolation of the victim. In this case, the unstable parent teaches the child that anything associated with the alienated parent is undesirable. This includes siblings, extended family, long-term friends or familiar coworkers and neighbors. Because the child learns that appropriate language and supportive behavior for the abusive parent is the condition of acceptance, they often claim that it is their desire to cut ties with these supportive parties, which ensnares them more firmly in the cycle of abuse.
It’s important that social workers, caregivers, and legal actors recognize these symptoms as a form of parental emotional abuse. Rather than placing the impetus for the alienating speech or behaviors upon the child, therapists must examine the care-giving parent. They must carefully evaluate the legitimacy of their claims, which often cite non-existent abuse or failings of the other parent. A clearer understanding and broader acceptance of Parental Alienation would prevent the loss of time and resources alienated parties spend fighting for their children in court and forestall the psychological damage done to children. Continue reading “Isolation from Outside Support”
Not allowing the children to have photos of or objects provided by the Target Parent in the house. The Parental Alienation Syndrome parent will destroy any gifts, photo’s etc should the child bring them home.
● When the child receives gifts from the Target Parent and takes them home to show the Parental Alienation Syndrome parent, the Parental Alienation Syndrome parent refuses to allow the child to take them back to the Target Parent’s house or keep them.
● Parental Alienation Syndrome parent refuses gifts from the Target Parent and his family, actually making the children return them saying they are no good or cheap or useless and so on.
● Parental Alienation Syndrome parent will deliberately condemn the target parent’s gifts or purposely purchase them ahead the target parent so that the target parent’s gift is meaningless. Continue reading “Red Flags”