Family is supposed to be our safe haven. Very often, it’s the place where we find the deepest heartache.
You survived the abuse. You’re going to survive the recovery.
The scars you can’t see are the hardest to heal.
It is impossible to correct abuses unless we know that they’re going on.
We should meet abuse by forbearance. Human nature is so constituted that if we take absolutely no notice of anger or abuse, the person indulging in it will soon weary of it and stop.
Do you never look at yourself when you abuse another person?
The results of any traumatic experience, such as abuse, can only be resolved by experiencing, articulating, and judging every facet of the original experience within a process of careful therapeutic disclosure.
Do not look for healing at the feet of those who broke.”
Refuse to inherit dysfunction. Learn new ways of living instead of repeating what you lived through.”
“Don’t let someone who did you wrong make you think there’s something wrong with you. Don’t devalue yourself because they didn’t value you. Know your worth even if they don’t.”
“You have escaped the cage. Your wings are stretched out. Now fly.”
“Abusers – they’ll manipulate and they’ll lie to you.
And when you no longer give them that power, they’ll try to manipulate your family or the people close to you instead. Abusers want everyone to hate you just as much as they do. It’s sick. Their lack of morals and integrity is sick. The amount of hate they harbor in their hearts is sick, as are their psychopathic or sociopathic traits.”
“Dissociation leaves us disconnected from our memories, our identities and our emotions. It breaks the trauma into digestible components, so that different aspects of the trauma get stored in different compartments in our brain. What happens as a result is that the information from the trauma becomes disorganized and we are not able to integrate these pieces into a coherent narrative and process trauma fully until, hopefully, with the help of a validating, trauma-informed counselor who guides us to the appropriate therapies best suited to our needs, we confront the trauma and triggers in a safe place.”
“Abuse is never deserved, it is an exploitation of innocence and physical disadvantage, which is perceived as an opportunity by the abuser.”
― Lorraine Nilon, Breaking Free From the Chains of Silence: A respectful exploration into the ramifications of Paedophilic abuse
“No matter what, the day didn’t feel like Christmas to her.
She remembered years ago, when she had been just a little kid, and the word had been enough to make her happy. Nothing stirred in her now. Her childhood felt like it had been in another life. As she sat alone in her room with tears drying to her face, she resolved that no matter what the calendar said, it wasn’t Christmas.If it was, she’d feel happy, not depressed.”
― Kayla Krantz, Survive at Midnight
I’m still not sure if I was a victim or not… and if I was, who was my abuser?”
― Eskay Teel, Alice in Worcestershire: Big girls don’t cry
“The only person that deserves a special place in your life is someone that never made you feel like you were an option in theirs.”
“The scars from mental cruelty can be as deep and long-lasting as wounds from punches or slaps but are often not as
obvious. In fact, even among women who have experienced violence from a partner, half or more report that the man’s emotional abuse is what is causing them the greatest harm.”
“So often survivors have had their experiences denied, trivialized, or distorted. Writing is an important avenue for healing because it gives you the opportunity to define your own reality. You can say: This did happen to me. It was that bad. It was the fault & responsibility of the adult. I was—and am—innocent.” The Courage to Heal by Ellen Bass & Laura Davis”
“An abuser can seem emotionally needy. You can get caught in a trap of catering to him, trying to fill a bottomless pit. But he’s not so much needy as entitled, so no matter how much you give him, it will never be enough. He will just keep coming up with more demands because he believes his needs are your responsibility, until you feel drained down to nothing.”
“My dad had limitations. That’s what my good-hearted mom always told us. He had limitations, but he meant no harm. It was kind of her to say, but he did do harm.”
“It is not the the bruises on the body that hurt. It is the wounds of the heart and the scars on the mind.”
The world is changing. An attachment-based and trauma-informed model of complex family conflict surrounding divorce represents the return of clinical psychology to court-involved practice.
Craig Childress, Psy.D.
Clinical Psychologist, PSY 18857
Things are changing.
We are shifting from a forensic psychology non-solution to a clinical psychology solution for complex family conflict surrounding divorce.
This is not a child custody issue. The conflict surrounding child custody is a symptom. The issue is family pathology that is creating complex attachment-related pathology in the family; complex family conflict surrounding divorce.
This is a family pathology and treatment issue. Conducting family therapy is the domain of clinical psychology, treating attachment pathology in the family is the domain of clinical psychology (a child rejecting a parent is an attachment-related pathology), treating the expression of parental personality disorder pathology in parenting and the family is the domain of clinical psychology, and treating the trans-generational transmission of complex trauma is the domain of clinical psychology.
This is a clinical psychology issue, diagnosing and treating family pathology; the attachment system, family systems therapy, personality disorder pathology, complex trauma. …
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