Research repeatedly finds that typical highly-dissociated (“fragmented”) people were subjected to extreme neglect, abuse, abandonment, or other trauma as young children. Their nurturance deprivations were profound. The great majority of us don’t have anywhere close to this degree of personality splitting – and do have some.
Personality means “the evolving values, beliefs, traits, reflexes, talents, and limitations that make every person unique.”
If young children dont get their developmental needs met, they automatically survive by forming a split personality. This causes several interrelated psychological “wounds”
Dont bother wasting your time and energy seeking revenge or trying to get even with the Parental Alienator in your life.
Because they don’t have any empathy, they don’t feel pain, so you cannot even scratch the surface when it comes to revenge.
If they felt any empathy or pain they would not have alienated your child(ren) in the first place. They would feel sadness for their own child, they would feel your hurt. But no, sadly because they are grown wounded children they don’t feel anything.
Just sit back and wait for them to destroy themselves, because eventually this is what happens. They attract similar personality types and turn everyone around them toxic.
People with empathy walk away to save their sanity.
This is what eventually happens to the Parental Alienator.
Linda – Always by your side
Therapists may need to learn how to be more explicit about endings from the start. “In my beginning is my end” may be the mantra to be adopted, with a focus on self-management from the start and an emphasis on endings. One could imagine conversations at the early stage of an intervention along the lines of “My job is to try and help as much as I can, but the focus is really on you finding ways to draw on your own strengths to manage your own life and finding a balance that is right for you.” Or “Given the difficulties you are experiencing and your context, you have a x% chance of being completely better (or completely meeting your goals) and a y% chance of being much improved (or partially meeting your goals.” Or “I would expect x change on measure y by z date. It is important to note that research shows that even without help a specific percentage of people will get better with time anyway. We can discuss the pros and cons of different types of help, and also agree when it looks like you may be better off managing things yourself, or if there is nothing else I can usefully suggest.” Or “Not everyone is helped by this treatment, but people do find ways to live with these difficulties. If what we have agreed to try first doesn’t seem to help you, then you might try x and y, but even if that does not help we find that people can live with these difficulties using strategies such as a and b.” It might be that one way to discuss these issues is to talk about the way people manage to live positively with ongoing difficulties: “Some of our most productive members of society live with ongoing challenges of bipolar disorder, obsessive-compulsive disorder, self-harm, and anorexia, for example. Some would even argue that it provides them with a wisdom and perspective they might otherwise not have.
”I believe that there is an ethical imperative to be more explicit in our communal recognition of the limits of treatment, and on the definition of treatment failure and appropriate response to it. Being unrealistic with service users about possibilities of treatment failure may mean that all too many are left feeling to blame for not having succeeded in therapy. Remaining silent on the levels of treatment failure stops service-level discussion of what should be done for these individuals. It reduces rational use of resources, stunts service development, and might contribute to forms of both therapist-blaming and patient-blaming. For these reasons, I would argue that there is a pressing need for greater research into and discussion of the limits of treatment and treatment failure, which I hope this Essay might play some part in stimulating. https://www.thelancet.com/journals/lanpsy/article/PIIS2215-0366(16)30075-X/fulltext
What do you do when your adult alienated child is so badly affected by the trauma of many years of Parental Alienation?
When they have become a replica of the Alienator?
When they are so full of hate, and toxicity runs through their veins.
How do you help a severely Alienated Adult Child?
YOU DON’T – YOU CAN’T – YOU HAVE TO WAIT UNTIL THEY ARE READY TO SEEK HELP!
You will end up emotionally and financially drained and exhausted trying to get them to change.
They will not recognize they have a problem until disaster strikes.
They have been living this way for many years, imitating their Alienating Parent.
This is normal behavior to them.
Damaged but repairable when they are ready to seek help.
You have to learn to accept what you cannot change, you cannot change the Parental Alienators behavior, so why do you think you can change your adult alienated child’s behavior?
I have asked myself this question so many times recently, now I have the answer.
Change the way I react, change the way I respond.
Linda – Always by your side
Would you like help?
Would you like to speak to someone in confidence?
The various violations of research integrity such as major plagiarism, deformation, mutilation and modification of the original manuscripts, have generated a series of sophisms regarding parental alienation that have negatively impacted on multiple levels.
EMDR (Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing) is a psychotherapy that enables people to heal from the symptoms and emotional distress that are the result of disturbing life experiences. Repeated studies show that by using EMDR therapy people can experience the benefits of psychotherapy that once took years to make a difference. It is widely assumed that severe emotional pain requires a long time to heal. EMDR therapy shows that the mind can in fact heal from psychological trauma much as the body recovers from physical trauma. When you cut your hand, your body works to close the wound. If a foreign object or repeated injury irritates the wound, it festers and causes pain. Once the block is removed, healing resumes. EMDR therapy demonstrates that a similar sequence of events occurs with mental processes. The brain’s information processing system naturally moves toward mental health. If the system is blocked or imbalanced by the impact of a disturbing event, the emotional wound festers and can cause intense suffering. Once the block is removed, healing resumes. Using the detailed protocols and procedures learned in EMDR therapy training sessions, clinicians help clients activate their natural healing processes.
More than 30 positive controlled outcome studies have been done on EMDR therapy. Some of the studies show that 84%-90% of single-trauma victims no longer have post-traumatic stress disorder after only three 90-minute sessions. Another study, funded by the HMO Kaiser Permanente, found that 100% of the single-trauma victims and 77% of multiple trauma victims no longer were diagnosed with PTSD after only six 50-minute sessions. In another study, 77% of combat veterans were free of PTSD in 12 sessions. There has been so much research on EMDR therapy that it is now recognized as an effective form of treatment for trauma and other disturbing experiences by organizations such as the American Psychiatric Association, the World Health Organization and the Department of Defense. Given the worldwide recognition as an effective treatment of trauma, you can easily see how EMDR therapy would be effective in treating the “everyday” memories that are the reason people have low self-esteem, feelings of powerlessness, and all the myriad problems that bring them in for therapy. Over 100,000 clinicians throughout the world use the therapy. Millions of people have been treated successfully over the past 25 years.
EMDR therapy is an eight-phase treatment. Eye movements (or other bilateral stimulation) are used during one part of the session. After the clinician has determined which memory to target first, he asks the client to hold different aspects of that event or thought in mind and to use his eyes to track the therapist’s hand as it moves back and forth across the client’s field of vision. As this happens, for reasons believed by a Harvard researcher to be connected with the biological mechanisms involved in Rapid Eye Movement (REM) sleep, internal associations arise and the clients begin to process the memory and disturbing feelings. In successful EMDR therapy, the meaning of painful events is transformed on an emotional level. For instance, a rape victim shifts from feeling horror and self-disgust to holding the firm belief that, “I survived it and I am strong.” Unlike talk therapy, the insights clients gain in EMDR therapy result not so much from clinician interpretation, but from the client’s own accelerated intellectual and emotional processes. The net effect is that clients conclude EMDR therapy feeling empowered by the very experiences that once debased them. Their wounds have not just closed, they have transformed. As a natural outcome of the EMDR therapeutic process, the clients’ thoughts, feelings and behavior are all robust indicators of emotional health and resolution—all without speaking in detail or doing homework used in other therapies. https://www.emdr.com/us-basic-training-overview/