What is future faking?

Future faking is a courtship strategy in which narcissists talk to you in elaborate detail about all the wonderful things that the two of you will do together in the future—the cute little restaurant you will absolutely love, how the two of you will explore the most romantic cities in the world, or even how many children the two of you will have and what to name them. All the while, they sound very enthusiastic and sincere.

What makes it future faking, and not just planning a future, is that none of this is likely to ever happen. Instead of being on the road to bliss, you are now on the road to disappointment. What usually occurs is that shortly after narcissists believe that you are fully committed and in love with them, everything starts to change. Now that the chase is over, the good times diminish.

Narcissists are not very good at sustaining a normal relationship. During courtship, they created positive relationship drama. Now they start creating negative relationship drama. Instead of praising you, they start pointing out your flaws. You will feel a sudden coldness and indifference to your feelings. If you stay, you are likely to be devalued, ignored, or discarded. Future faking is cruel because it is exactly what it sounds like, a big fake. What initially brought you great happiness is likely to end up as a series of traumatic disappointments.


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