We are going to look at one particular kind of HCP: The Love You, Hate You Type. Maybe you know someone who’s extremely charming, friendly and reasonable one minute, and the next minute, they’re screaming and attacking you. The speed with which they turn on you is breathtaking. What did I do? you may ask yourself. How can I get out of here?
You may be dealing with a borderline HCP—someone whose high-conflict personality is combined with borderline personality disorder, a condition that’s marked by impulsivity and mood swings. Some borderline HCPs are intense from the start: angry and demanding. But most initially present themselves as extremely friendly, energetic, lovable and possibly seductive. It can be surprising how quickly a borderline HCP wants to get close to you. He or she lacks ordinary boundaries, even in a casual friendship or as a co-worker. It’s this fast intimacy that often hints at the intensity that an HCP can bring to a relationship—and to ending that relationship.
If you suspect someone you’re involved with may be a borderline HCP, look for these signs:
HCPs tend to make statements like “People always abandon me.” Or: “People always take advantage of me, but now I’m sticking up for myself and fighting back.” This is a particularly seductive statement. It reframes their conflicts to draw you to their side, because you believe they are finally being strong after a lifetime of abuse. Later, you realize that they have always been strong and possibly abusive themselves—they just feel like a victim. Even I have been hooked several times by statements like this.