Along with these mysterious feelings, there tend to be a bunch of psychological and behavioral changes too: people-pleasing, self-doubt, fatigue, accomplishing, perfectionism, mood swings, isolation, over analysis, insomnia, rejection, depression, guilt, excessive daydreaming, irritability, jealousy, inadequacy, worthlessness, need for control, resentment, paranoia, rumination, care-taking, substance abuse… The list goes on, and it’s unique to every individual.
We may struggle to trust ourselves, fall in love, or experience genuine happiness. Instead, a protective part of ourselves has taken control, to ensure this pain never happens again. Love becomes conditional, waiting for others to show their cards before we show our own. Identity and personality become shaky constructs, kept afloat by external measures of worth. In these cases, time does not seem to heal all wounds.
One of the most frequent phrases I hear from readers is: “I miss my old self.” As if the old self has gone away.
And that’s why I’ve written this book.
I think there is a part in all of us that feels love and joy for no particular reason — the life energy that surges through our bodies — allowing us to feel light, free, humorous, grateful, whole.
Throughout the course of life, certain events “disconnect” us from that source — childhood traumas, difficult relationships, rejection from loved ones, it really could be anything. And when we’re “disconnected” from this source, we’re bound to struggle over and over again. Our inner world is damaged, and it distracts us with a never-ending quest for external solutions.
But I keep putting “disconnected” in quotes because the true self didn’t actually go anywhere. It is not fractured, it is not broken, it is not destroyed.