Consider Doing an Experiment

Consider Doing an Experiment

What could it hurt to try something different? Just for a month?

If it doesn’t work, you can always go back to the way things were just before you read this blog.

I know it may feel like a departure from reality to act like he’s not disordered and start expecting the best from him instead of the worst.

But the funny thing about reality is that it’s squishy, depending on how you look at it.

What you focus on increases, so if you’re focused on your husband’s narcissism, you’re going to see a lot of it. And that’s not what you want, so why focus on it?

If that sounds too woo-woo to you, think of it in more scientific terms, like research bias. Research bias is “the tendency to search for, interpret, favor, and recall information in a way that confirms one’s preexisting beliefs or hypotheses, while giving disproportionately less consideration to alternative possibilities,” according to Wikipedia.

If your bias is that he’s going to be a cold, self-centered jerk, then guess what you’re going to experience more?

If your bias is that he’s a loving, thoughtful, giving husband, then guess what you’re going to experience more?

You’ve seen two versions of your husband: one that was attractive and delightful enough to want to marry and spend the rest of your life with…

…And one who is incurably haughty, self-centered and uncaring.

Which one is the real him?

In my experience, the man you fell in love with originally will come back when you go back to treating him the way you treated him then.

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