The primary mistake with abusers

The primary mistake with abusers is to reinforce their victim identity by:

  • Emphasizing childhood or other experiences in which they were mistreated
  • Validating their resentment and anger as “appropriate,” which validates the distorted perspectives that go with anger and resentment
  • Reinforcing their sense of entitlement — they should be respected, which, to them, means their partners must submit
  • Confronting them in shame-inducing ways, before they learn to regulate shame with compassion

The primary mistake with victims is urging them to think and sound like abusers.

1 Comments on “The primary mistake with abusers”

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