The primary mistake with abusers

The primary mistake with abusers is to reinforce their victim identity by:

  • Emphasizing childhood or other experiences in which they were mistreated
  • Validating their resentment and anger as “appropriate,” which validates the distorted perspectives that go with anger and resentment
  • Reinforcing their sense of entitlement — they should be respected, which, to them, means their partners must submit
  • Confronting them in shame-inducing ways, before they learn to regulate shame with compassion

The primary mistake with victims is urging them to think and sound like abusers.

One thought on “The primary mistake with abusers

Leave a Reply, All comments will be moderated - Many thanks for your contribution

Please log in using one of these methods to post your comment: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.