Dear fellow rejected parents,
Let me begin by saying that I completely agree with Sheri’s assertion that writing letter to our estranged children does not often end well.
I have written SO MANY LETTERS over the years, it is ridiculous! So much time spent. So much editing, writing, rewriting, considering every word, the tone, the vocabulary, the purpose…..should it be long, short, or in between? Should the hard stuff come at the beginning or at the end? Will they read it? Any of it? None of it? All of it? With whom will they share it? Should it be detailed or vague? Specific or general? Should I pour my heart out? Or should I protect myself? Oh my goodness, the amount of time and energy I’ve spent is obscene.
My counselor tells me that if I write anything I should keep it brief. State the facts, just the facts….be succinct. If I write three words, she says cut it down to two! Ha!
I have sent only a few of these letters. AND EVERY SINGLE TIME, WITHOUT FAIL, MY WORDS HAVE BEEN USED AGAINST ME. Every. Single. Time. EVERY> SINGLE>TIME>!!!!!!!!!
My words have been twisted, misinterpreted, recycled, misunderstood, mocked, insulted, argued, judged, dismissed, laughed at, ridiculed, and disrespected.
What helps me the most is:
-write the letter but do not send it
-write the letter and share it with friends who can comment and offer support
-write the letter and share it with my counselor who can comment and offer support
-keep the letter for reference
-write the letter for its therapeutic value
AND, last but not least,