Deluding Others, and Deluding Oneself
Narcissists can get to almost believing their own lies. They engage in so much truth distortion that it can become hard for them to tell what’s true and what isn’t. But at some level, most narcissists know the truth. But they lie because it’s so easy, even despite negative consequences that can occur. It’s a cheap way of shirking the inherent burden (i.e. “labor of love”) that comes with a grateful self-subordination to something greater and more important than themselves. Conning takes little effort if you have the skill. And it works sometimes, which reinforces you doing it. Serving something bigger than yourself takes more effort. It’s what defines real love. And you have to have the heart for it. Most narcissists do not. They simply don’t care for anything or anyone but themselves.
I use a rhyming phrase in my professional trainings. “It’s not that they don’t see, it’s that they disagree.” Similarly, I say: “It’s not that they’re unaware, they just don’t care.” And recently a famous person wondered out loud why they couldn’t get the adulation they felt they deserved when their subordinates easily did. “Must be my personality,” the person said. The person “sees” the dilemma just fine. It’s the way they style themselves that bugs people. Will they change it? They would have to care. Do they care? No. It’s as simple as that.