PLEASE READ FIRST: I wrote this post over seven years ago and it still receives traffic and comments. I am so thankful that my blog is still being used as a tool for healing. I do want to clear something up – In my post, I use the word “Borderline” very vaguely and that has caused some confusion. Much of the behavior I described fell under an older, outdated definition of “Borderline Sociopathy”. Much of what I write about below more accurately describes someone withs Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NARC). Sociopathy and Psychopathy can be applied as well depending on the situation.
So to keep down confusion, the word “NARC” has been inserted in the place of “Borderline”.
The point I hope I made is that getting caught up in what may be wrong with someone does not help you if that person is unwilling to take a look at their behavior themselves. And in many cases, the best thing I know to do is put some distance in between you and the repeat emotional offender.
**I do not mind criticism of my writing or perspectives I may have missed, but any attacks attempting to call out the use of “Borderline” when I have already acknowledged it will be deleted.
Have you ever gotten into an argument with someone and the error in their actions were as clear as night and day, but yet they would not acknowledge it? They made excuses or had a reason for everything they did, no matter who they violated in the process. Or it was never their fault, it is ALWAYS somebody else. Most of their relationships are chaotic. They glorify and then quickly demonize someone and have a strong case of grandiose delusions. In psychotherapy, this is often labeled as Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NARC). One of the main characteristics is the unwillingness of them to see the part they play in conflict or take responsibility for their actions. Most of us know someone like this or perhaps have done this ourselves.
Taking responsibility is very tough because often times an abundance of shame comes with that. Who wants to be the culprit or the reason someone else is hurt or some conflict is going on? It’s easy to point the finger at others, it is tougher to point the finger back at ourselves. I talked to my Life Coach about this the other day. This is something I have struggled with – people who cannot see their part in a conflict. It burns me up, sends me into a f****** rage and I had to work through this. He shared with me that he too has been caught up in dealing with people like this and all you can really do is let go. You don’t have to like it, but you can’t control them or their behavior. And if other people choose to believe this person without further investigation, there really isn’t much you can do about that either. However, you can take some lessons. Now you know these people are easily persuaded, probably meddle in gossip, and you’ll do better to stay away from them.