A dysfunctional family is a family in which conflict, misbehavior, and often child neglect or abuse on the part of individual parents occur continuously and regularly, leading other members to accommodate such actions.
— David Stoop and James Masteller
If you’re a victim of the above actions by your “tough mother,” understand it’s acceptable to take care of yourself before trying to repair the damage her actions caused. Practice self-love and get your life on a positive path, whether this is a move, a new job, hobby, or a new relationship, even if she doesn’t approve.
Distance and silence are critical at first. Try reaching out slowly with a call or even an email or a card. Then try a meet-up for coffee or lunch. Don’t expect a happy reunion at first; actually, don’t expect anything and you won’t be disappointed. The most important aspect is that you tried.
If you continue in good faith and persistently get bitten, it’s time to resume the silence and distance until she seeks counseling to improve her approach with you. For some, the painful reality is it may never happen, and the situation may never change.