What Abusers Hope We Never Learn About Traumatic Bonding
Techniques Abusers Use to Ensure the Trauma Bonds Stick
With a trauma bond, the abuser often uses different techniques to ensure that you stay in the relationship, be it manipulation, threats, or another constant pattern of abuse. Here are just a few examples.
You may wonder what love bombing is. It’s something present in quite a few toxic relationships but may not necessarily have ill intentions. Essentially, the person you’re in a trauma bond with will shower you with love and affection.
They may buy you gifts, write little notes of love, and do other ways to win you over. Sometimes, this is a dating technique, and other times, toxic people may use it as a way to seek forgiveness. When there was an abusive episode, abusive partners may use it to win you over. Because of the shower of love, many victims stay in the relationship because they may feel like the partner is truly sorry. However, this love bombing technique is often a way for narcissists or abusive partners to continue their cycle of
This technique is similar to love bonding, but it’s a bit different, too. Intermittent reinforcement is part of the cycle of violence where a partner may abuse you, but have moments where they show you affection and give you a reward. Intermittent reinforcement makes you addicted to a narcissist or an abuser. You do not like the abuse and bad times, but you do crave the affection, and you may feel stuck in getting out of the cycle of violence. It’s important you know when your partner is using affection as a way to counteract their abuse, and this is another way in the long list of breaking free of exploitive people. Intermittent reinforcement is never the way to go in all healthy relationships.abuse.
Another technique of toxic relationships is child abuse. When one thinks of child abuse, they may imagine violence against the child, but child abuse can be verbal abuse as well. Yelling at your child is something most parents should avoid, as it can affect the mental health of the child, and there are less toxic ways to discipline your child.
This is often a power and control technique. You may feel as though you need to be in the relationship to stop the cycle of narcissistic abuse towards your kid, making you feel unable to detach from a toxic relationship. Sometimes, a narcissist may even have had the child with you as a power and control move. You may feel like if you break free from your relationship, it will affect your kid, especially if the toxic person gets their way in court.
This is another technique you may see in a relationship with a narcissist. This is when you reward someone for doing a behavior that you perceive as good, such as giving you a present for obeying.
Positive reinforcement can be a good way to raise a child, but it may be one of the many mind games and psychological abuse techniques as narcissist may use. A healthy relationship shouldn’t involve reward for obeying. Withholding affection as a way to manipulate you until you do the right thing isn’t a good way to have a relationship. It’s important you recognize this. If you feel unable to satisfy your partner unless you do something they like, that’s a problem.
Another technique of narcissistic abuse is victim blaming. This is essentially when a toxic person blames you for what happened. For example, if you were the victim of verbal abuse, the toxic person may tell you that it’s your fault for provoking them.
It doesn’t matter who started it, though, though often, a toxic person will be the one who is behind everything and not take blame for themselves. If you don’t believe you did anything wrong, you may not have, and it’s just another example of narcissistic abuse.