I believe rather there are people that I used to think I knew, but who in hindsight turned out to be people I really did not know at all. More and more I realize that the people who have abandoned me, I clearly did not KNOW them.
If I really knew them I would have known they were unhappy,If I really knew them I would have known they were upset with me,I would have known that they had issues with something I had done; because when you really KNOW someone you have a relationship with them where they tell you things!
The fact that they did not tell me things, that they kept secrets about how they really felt about me, meant I did not really know them at all. I only knew the mask they chose to wear while in my presence, I only knew who they pretended to be when with me.
And after they left, I only know the thoughts they harboured about me as I discovered from the names they called me and the way they talked about me behind my back.
NO, that is not “knowing someone”.
That is having been in someone’s life and not knowing them at all. That is having someone leave your life and discovering how little you meant to them and what they secretly thought of you.
It means discovering that they did not care enough about you to consider your feelings.
And sometimes it even means discovering how little respect they had for you.
Sometimes we get to know the truth of them, only from the manner in which they leave us.
Renate Dundys Marrello
2018 – 10 – 05