Revenge-Seeking. This behavior is calculated to try to hurt the other person without taking responsibility. An example of this is described above with the “back-handed compliment.” The individual somehow is threatened by the other, whether real or imagined, and seeks revenge in an underhanded manner. By doing so, they can claim ignorance if confronted such as “I had no idea you would take it that way” or resort to blaming “You must be imagining that. I would never do anything to hurt you.”
Controlling. This behavior seeks to control the individual in an indirect manner. For instance, a man who emotionally abuses his partner says “No one could ever love you the way I do” with the intended result being insecurity in the woman so that she won’t leave him. Another example is parents telling their adult children that they should respect or love them because they are their parents thus trying to control their behavior. Love and respect is something that occurs due to the underlying relationship not because of a demand.