How appropriate this arrived in front ofme this morning!!!
Knowing when enough is enough.
Are you exasperated by how negatively your adult child treats you? Do you find yourself consumed with conflicting thoughts and feelings about him or her? Do you feel alone as it seems that so many other adult children are more respectful and appreciative of what their parents do for them?
Before I go further, let’s make a few things clear: I am not writing that all adult children treat their parents poorly. And, for any adult children who may read this, I am also not saying that your parents are exempt from responsibility for the quality of your relationship with them.
That said, in my over 30 years of coaching parents of adult children to help restore boundaries, improve communication, and gain a much-desired sense of emotional balance, I have seen too many parents of adult children metaphorically wear “Kick Me” signs. What I mean by this is that your adult child’s frustration and shame over the failure to launch comes out sideways, directed at you as emotional abuse. Are you unwittingly, or even wittingly (because you just feel so worn down) wearing a “Kick Me” sign, thereby enabling mistreatment?
Following are three signs of emotional abuse experienced by parents of adult children that I often encounter about when I coach them to set better boundaries:
- Unjustified Blame. Somehow, your adult child persistently blames you for his or her problems and refuses to accept responsibility for their struggles and issues. Adult children who think this way are leaden with distortions and use their parents as an outlet to vent their anger. Sadly, many of my parent clients actually believe they are solely at fault for an adult child’s lack of success in being able to sustain their independence. They distortedly think, “Maybe if I just tried harder or did this instead of that, things would be different.”