Posted in Parental Alienation & Narcissistic Personality Disorder

Friendship must never be buried under the weight of misunderstanding. – Sri Chinmoy

Friendship must never be buried under the weight of misunderstanding. – Sri Chinmoy

It’s life. It happens. We don’t always get along. We disagree….and for whatever reason, we decide that some friendships just aren’t worth holding on to. Often times, broken friendships are the result of an accumulation of unsaid words, big egos, or our inability (or unwillingness) to communicate effectively.

Dealing with a friendship that ends is hard, because, honestly, they feel irreplaceable. It seems as though some people are meant to be in your life forever. So how do you mend those friendships even in brokenness?

Let’s talk about it.

1. Face the facts. Acknowledge their feelings… even if you do not agree: Before you attempt to reach out to your friend to discuss your friendship or the looming issue, take some time to understand the part you played. Consider your actions, your tone, and your perspective. Collectively acknowledge all of the circumstances that lead to this conflict. Ask yourself the necessary questions; is this just a single disagreement or has this conflict been building over time? Is it really worth the loss of a friendship? Lastly, recognize that there are two sides to every conflict. In recognizing this, though it may be difficult, try to see things from the other person’s perspective and consider that their feelings may be very similar to yours.

2. Place your ego aside and don’t be afraid to make the first call. Being the “bigger’ person is sometimes a very difficult task, but necessary in moments such as these. You cannot always rely on another person to take the initiative to do what you should be willing to do first. If it matters to you, make the first call. But do not call with the intention to rehash what has already been said. Instead, call with the intent to listen. Be genuine and allow your friend to share their feelings. Don’t be afraid to ask clarifying questions…just keep from being condescending or using passive aggressive undertones. Avoid raising your voice. Be calm, share your feelings, and remain neutral. Steer away from positioning blame or pointing fingers as it would be counterproductive to mending your friendship.

3. Apologize…but don’t expect or require them to do the same. Just say you are sorry. It is not an admission of guilt. It does not mean that your thoughts or feelings are of less importance than your friend. It simply means that you acknowledged the role you played in this conflict and you have decided that you value your friendship more. Sometimes, actually, most of the time, that’s all it takes. Just a simple apology. Unfortunately, most people have too much pride for that. However, it’s amazing the issues you can fix by humbling yourself enough to say, “I’m sorry.”

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Posted in Parental Alienation & Narcissistic Personality Disorder

“A New Earth” by Eckhart Tolle | The Ego

  • The ego could be defined simply in this way: a dysfunctional relationship with the present moment.
  • “The density of the ego depends on the degree to which you – the consciousness – are identified with your mind, with thinking. Thinking is no more than a tiny aspect of the totality of consciousness, the totality of who you are.
  • “Until now, human intelligence, which is no more than a minute aspect of universal intelligence, has been distorted and misused by the ego. I call that ‘intelligence in the service of madness.’
  • On our planet, the human ego represents the final stage of universal sleep, the identification of consciousness with form. It was a necessary stage in the evolution of consciousness.”
  • “If the structures of the human mind remain unchanged, we will always end up re­creating fundamentally the same world, the same evils, the same dysfunction.”
  • “Don’t take the ego too seriously. When you detect egoic behavior in yourself, smile. At times you may even laugh. How could humanity have been taken in by this for so long?
  • The ego tends to equate having with Being: I have, therefore I am. And the more I have, the more I am. The ego lives through comparison. How you are seen by others turns into how you see yourself.”
  • “The ego identifies with having, but its satisfaction in having is a relatively shallow and short-­lived one. Concealed within it remains a deep-­seated sense of dissatisfaction, of incompleteness, of ‘not enough.’ ‘I don’t have enough yet,’ by which the ego really means, ‘I am not enough yet.’
  • The physical needs for food, water, shelter, clothing, and basic comforts could be easily met for all humans on the planet, were it not for the imbalance of resources created by the insane and rapacious need for more, the greed of the ego.”
  • Ego arises when your sense of Beingness, of ‘I Am,’ which is formless consciousness, gets mixed up with form. This is the meaning of identification. This is forgetfulness of Being, the primary error, the illusion of absolute separateness that turns reality into a nightmare.”
  • The ego may be clever, but it is not intelligent. Cleverness pursues its own little aims. Intelligence sees the larger whole in which all things are connected. Cleverness is motivated by self­ interest, and it is extremely short­sighted. Most politicians and businesspeople are clever. Very few are intelligent. Whatever is attained through cleverness is short-­lived and always turns out to be eventually self­ defeating. Cleverness divides; intelligence includes.
  • “Ego implies unawareness. Awareness and ego cannot coexist. The old mind­-pattern or mental habit may still survive and reoccur for a while because it has the momentum of thousands of years of collective human unconsciousness behind it, but every time it is recognized, it is weakened.”

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Posted in Parental Alienation & Narcissistic Personality Disorder

“A New Earth” by Eckhart Tolle |

This is the first of three posts in a book summary series on Eckhart Tolle’s A New Earth. You can jump to the other two posts here:

Whew, where to begin? A New Earth is by far one of the most life-changing books I’ve ever read. But, it’s not the easiest read. In fact, I started it and stopped at least three times before ever making it the entire way through. Maybe I just wasn’t ready the last few years. So, how did I finally make it to the end?

Most importantly, I think the timing was finally right. But tactically, I also changed how I read the book this time. I listened to the audiobook and followed along in the ebook at the same time. I believe this “see/say” experience allowed me to digest and absorb the book at a deeper level. I’d highly recommend that approach if you decide to read it as well (and I hope you do!).

All in all, I saved more notes from this book than any other book I’ve ever read—over 16,000 words of notes. Editing my notes is like reading the book a second and third time through, and I still feel like I’m learning new things each time. I believe I’ve started the irreversible awakening process.

Continue reading ““A New Earth” by Eckhart Tolle |”