Posted in Alienation

Christmas Planning – Day 16

Christmas and New Year Holidays for Singles

Whether you’d prefer to spend Christmas and New Year close to home, or are looking for a festive break further afield, our selection of UK balls, events and trips abroad offer a unique way of celebrating this special time of year. Dance the night away or explore a new city with fellow singles; how you spend your Christmas and New Year with us is completely up to you.

Try one of our 1, 2 or 3 Night UK Short Breaks this New Year to give you a taste of the Solos experience

ALL INCLUDE: TOUR LEADER | GALA DINNER | ENTERTAINMENT | 4* ACCOMMODATION | SOCIABLE EVENTS

https://www.solosholidays.co.uk/christmas-and-new-year-singles-holidays#/holidays


With more and more people choosing to travel solo, we’ve created a collection of fantastic holidays tailored exclusively for single guests.

Whether you like to enjoy a little independence, prefer your own room when travelling with a friend, or simply want to explore a dream destination your partner may have already visited, you can enjoy the freedom and flexibility that makes travelling solo so appealing.

Included exclusively on solo holidays

  • Solo Host or Tour Manager, available throughout your holiday
  • Meet & Greet Service at Gatwick, Heathrow and Manchester airports
  • Fast-track security and airport lounge at Gatwick, Heathrow and Manchester airports
  • Welcome dinner, drinks party and farewell dinner

 

https://travel.saga.co.uk/holidays/holiday-types/singles-holidays.aspx


Our singles resorts are perfect for solo travelers looking for the flexibility of independence, while still having sufficient opportunities to mingle and make new friends. At Club Med, single travelers can enjoy sports, leisure time by the pool, masterfully mixed cocktails, gourmet cuisine, and so much more!

Discover Our Selection of the Best Resorts for Single Travelers

https://www.clubmed.us/l/all-inclusive-resorts-for-singles


Information Item: Top 100 Tips for Planning A Solo Trip

https://www.tripadvisor.com/ShowTopic-g1-i12357-k8602384-Information_Item_Top_100_Tips_for_Planning_A_Solo_Trip-Solo_Travel.html


The 10 best ski holidays for solo travelers in 2019/20

https://www.telegraph.co.uk/travel/ski/articles/best-ski-holidays-for-singles/

bobble

 

Posted in Alienation, EMOTIONAL ABUSE

Emotional abuse is as devastating as any other kind of abuse

Terms they had never heard of before – like love bombing, future faking, false-self, idealization, devaluation, projection, gaslighting, smear campaign, flying monkeys, cognitive dissonance, and triangulation – become part of the survivor’s regular vocabulary. Sadly, they become more adept at explaining the definitions of these terms than most mental health professionals because they are not just terms learned through memorization, but rather words learned through painful, real-life experiences.

Their new-found vocabulary becomes powerfully liberating as they finally offer a palpable term to explain the insanity that once was their reality, but that they were previously at a loss for words to describe. They grow so knowledgeable about the subject of narcissism and traits of NPD; they deserve to earn honorary doctorate degrees in the subject.

The crazy-making conversations of the past start to make more sense through the new lenses of awareness. Survivors begin to finally be able to put the finger on and pin-point the emotional abuse they suffered but failed to perceive was abuse at the time. The layers of blame, guilt, doubt, confusion and uncertainty of their reality that had tormented them start to erode, as they recognize that the layers were deliberately and deceptively deposited onto them by their narcissist. This is the pivotal point, where recovery from narcissistic abuse begins.

Without awareness and education about narcissistic abuse, the chances that a survivor will end up in another abusive relationship are infinitely higher. Emotional abuse is as devastating as any other kind of abuse. It’s intentional and malicious exploitation and manipulation of the heart, soul, spirit, mind, and often the wallet of another human-being, cloaked in counterfeit expressions of love and concern.

Continue reading “Emotional abuse is as devastating as any other kind of abuse”

Posted in Alienation

THE BLAME GAME

2. THE BLAME GAME

Blame shifting is usually a tactic used subsequently to the Topic Switcheroo. The narcissist, like a magician, successfully changes the topic and diverts your attention by pointing the finger at you, and you suddenly find yourself on the defensive end of the conversation stick. The narcissist will raise questions about any and all of your real or perceived faults and pummel you. You, in turn, instinctively defend yourself, and the narcissist, just like Houdini, makes the original topic of their bad behavior disappear and escapes having to take any accountability for their actions. Meanwhile, you’re tricked into taking on the defensive position and accused and blamed for creating problems and drama in the relationship.

Continue reading “THE BLAME GAME”

Posted in Alienation

COMMON CONVERSATION MANIPULATION TACTICS

1. TOPIC SWITCHEROO

Here’s how this works. You and your narcissist are in the middle of a conversation; it’s going well until you disagree or present facts that contradict the narcissist’s point of view. The narcissist knows that your facts are indisputable and you have the upper-hand, so to gain control of the conversation and win the argument, the narcissist will deviate into a tangent of verbal vomit attempting to hoodwink you and pull the ole’ topic switcheroo. Before you know it, you’re discussing something totally unrelated to the original conversation, and you find yourself in defensive mode about some issue the two of you disagreed on last year.

Continue reading “COMMON CONVERSATION MANIPULATION TACTICS”

Posted in Alienation

Common Narc-Sadistic Conversation Control Tactics

When you challenge your narcissist’s lies, discrepancies, and groundless accusations; suggest that they are less than perfect; try to get them to understand your point of view; confront them on their cruel behaviors; or approach them about the lack of reciprocity in the relationship, the discussion will likely decay into a crazy-making, chaotic, drama packed, mind-spinning, migraine induced headache that is intended to wear you down and punish you for suggesting or exposing a fact that doesn’t support their grandiose view of themselves or maintain their need to feel superior and all mighty.

Narcissists never enter into conversations. They enter into verbal competitions. Their goal is to win at all costs. They have no interest in seeking understanding, clarification or compromise, or in reaching a meeting of the minds. Their conversations are only meant to manipulate, confuse, control, destabilize, deflect accountability, cast doubt, distort reality and create drama.

Continue reading “Common Narc-Sadistic Conversation Control Tactics”

Posted in Alienation

Projection – When Narcissists Turn the Blame on You

Equality

Projection is the great equalizer. Everyone the narcissist knows is equally guilty.

Their children, especially the one assigned the role of “scapegoat,” suffer the most from being projected upon. Trained to be humble and submissive, brainwashed to feel false guilt, they take on their elder’s vices without critical thinking. Bearing the “sins of the fathers” as a burden like Christian in Pilgrim’s Progress.

Spouses of narcissists suffer from a shit-load of projection too. They are in the unenviable position of being accused o’re and o’re of infidelity. Y’know, the infidelity the narcissists is actually engaging in.

Co-workers are also a dandy target for career projection. After all, fill-in-the-blank is never the narcissist’s fault, yet blame must be assigned.

Continue reading “Projection – When Narcissists Turn the Blame on You”

Posted in Alienation

Blame-Shifting Tactic of the Extreme Narcissist

So many of my clients who have had the misfortune of being in a romantic relationship with a narcissist most definitely possess the qualities of high emotional IQ. By that I mean, often targets of malignant narcissists imbue the highly sought after qualities of authenticity, integrity, compromise, accountability, empathy, reciprocity and the capacity to love on a mature level. An emotional abuser actually seeks to entangle him/herself with love objects who possess the very personality characteristics they are lacking.

Remember, a malignant narcissist essentially operates with a psychological void, whereby his/her existence is predicated on extracting narcissistic supply from significant others. Inevitably, the narcissist cannot maintain the facade s/he has masterfully crafted in the idealization stage. So when the inevitable idealize/devalue/discard cycle occurs, the survivor of abuse is often stunned when her former partner projects his repressed emotions onto the love object.

Continue reading “Blame-Shifting Tactic of the Extreme Narcissist”

Posted in Alienation

The Verbal Vomit of the Psychological Abuser

Definition of Projection or Blame-Shifting: (n.) A term originally coined as a self-defense mechanism by Anna Freud when a person attributes their own unwanted thoughts, feelings, or motives onto another person (A. Freud, 1936). By projecting, or “blame-shifting” one’s undesirable mental/emotional notions onto another person, the individual is defended against having to be aware of and accountable to their own thought process. The object of the projection is then targeted for blame, since the unwanted thoughts/emotions are too threatening to be accountable to.

Narcissistic abusers are classic examples of individuals who deploy this type of defense mechanism but take it up exponentially several notches. Any human being can fall prey to a defense mechanism in the face of stress. Healthy people, however, can acknowledge where they need to access integrity and authenticity and explore uncomfortable feelings. Extremely narcissistic individuals are not capable of that level of insight and feel very exposed and vulnerable to shame and judgement, thus refusing to be aware of or show and admit their own imperfections and scary feelings within their inner psyche. Therefore, projection (or “blame-shifting”) becomes habitual as very common psychological abuse tactic against the psychological abuser’s target (family member, romantic partner, friend, co-worker) (Louis de Canonville, 2015).

Continue reading “The Verbal Vomit of the Psychological Abuser”

Posted in Alienation

The “No, you!” defense

. The “No, you!” defense

If you call them out on their crap or if they suspect you can see through their smoke and mirrors, they will say that it’s you—or others—who are all these things. Or that all of it is false and nonsense. They may even say that they are honest, caring, and authentic, and that you don’t understand these things, you are projecting, you are pretending, you are triggered, you are gaslighting, you are narcissistic—you are whatever buzzword they have learned!

Because people with narcissistic tendencies can be interested in human psychology, too. A lot of them actually work in the helping, teaching, and medical fields or pretend to be experts and intellectuals on social media. Some of them are really smart, eloquent, and popular, which makes their statements more believable to an unaware audience.

They can learn all these fancy terms and phrases, yet they often don’t understand or even care about how to apply them correctly. Here, it’s another tool for manipulation. For them, learning means finding ways to justify all of their disturbing thoughts and behaviors, or use the knowledge as a tool against others for personal gain.

They will do anything but accept reality and become a decent person—yet they can play one quite well.

Continue reading “The “No, you!” defense”

Posted in Alienation

Playing the victim

. Playing the victim

A common narcissistic strategy is to play the victim. “You hurt me! Poor, poor me.” Instead of working through the issue with you or internally, they have no problem dragging others into it by lying and painting you as the perpetrator and themselves as the victim.

Oftentimes, this involves the aforementioned preemptive strike or provoking to get a reaction. For example, destroying your property, slandering you, turning people against you, or physically attacking you. And then when you respond appropriately to their active or passive aggression, now they can say that you’re the aggressor because you are hurting them or that you’re unreasonable because of your “wild, unacceptable behavior.”

It’s callous and calculated, and again, it involves accusing you of the things that they themselves are doing or have done. So it’s not uncommon that the audience of this dramatic spectacle doesn’t see the whole picture or doesn’t care enough to figure out the full story. It is not uncommon that many will take the side of the narcissist. The narcissist is desperate that their spectacle be believed for the sake of their emotional management, so much so that they will say and do almost anything.

For a narcissist, it is rarely about the truth and almost always about their audience’s perception.

This way they receive false validation that they are right and good, and that you are wrong and evil. Here, their sense of self-esteem is restored and their feelings of shame and inadequacy are managed. So it’s all well and good. Except for those who got hurt—but who cares about them, right?

Continue reading “Playing the victim”