Posted in Alienation

Cheating is morally wrong. 

Cheating is morally wrong.
Cheating is wrong if you do it. I have very different standards for myself. I expect and demand complete loyalty and transparency from you. However, I am free to carry on numerous affairs, treat you like a side piece or lie to you about the fact that I am already “committed” to someone all while stringing you along for money, sex, companionship, praise – whatever else you have to offer me.

8. They mean nothing to me. You’re my one and only.
God, all this rivalry over me? Please, keep going. How absolutely exciting. I get so bored when I am in a long-term, committed relationship. It’s wonderful to create these love triangles and have so many people compete over me. I thrive on the validation and attention of so many admirers. I will never really “choose” anyone – I just enjoy the game of always choosing myself and my own needs first.

9. My ex was so dishonest and toxic.
I was of course the toxic and dishonest one, but you won’t figure that out until it’s too late. I betrayed my previous partners and they found out. Of course, by then, I had to discard them because they had seen behind the mask and they were no longer willing to invest in forgetting my crimes. And now, I have to do some damage control by convincing you that I am someone you should pity and take care of – someone who’s been hurt by others in the past. Feel sorry for me. Nurse me back to emotional health. Come closer. The truth is, I prefer to be the one inflicting pain.

10. I’ve moved around a lot – I love to travel.

I love leaving the places where my victims have me figured out and starting over. With each new destination comes a whole new life and identity where I don’t have to ever deal with the consequences of my actions or the people who know my true self. Once I’ve exhausted my numerous victims in each city and state, it’s time to pack my bags and go on a new “vacation.” I leave a trail of victims wherever I go.

11. I used to be a player, but now I am a changed man or woman. Now I want a meaningful relationship and a life partner.
Are you buying this bullshit? I hope so, because I’d like to sleep with you soon and making you think that we may one day be in a relationship is the first step to getting in your pants. I’ll fake some shame to go along with my reformed image. I am so deeply remorseful for all those I’ve hurt in the past and I’ve really learned my lesson – not! The truth is, I’ll never change.

12. I am truly sorry, I really am. This is not who I am.
This is exactly who I am and my behavioral patterns should have tipped you off by now. Sure, I’ll apologize from time to time to get these discussions over with and to make you think I really want to change or that this was a momentary lapse. I hope you’re buying it, because if you let me back into your life again, you’re in for one hell of a ride.

Here’s The Truth
If you’re dealing with a manipulative narcissist or sociopath, the only way to detach is go No Contact or limit your contact if No Contact is not possible in your particular circumstances. You must reconnect to the reality of the abuse and “translate” their words into the lived reality of their cruelty, manipulation and contempt towards you. Only then can you break free from their mind games, gaslighting and falsehoods – and live freely in the truth.

APA Reference
Arabi, S. (2018). 12 Of The Most Common Lies Sociopaths And Narcissists Tell, Translated Into Truth. Psych Central. Retrieved on December 16, 2019, from

Continue reading “Cheating is morally wrong. “

Posted in Alienation, PERSONALITY DISORDERS, Psychopath, PSYCHOPATHIC TRAITS, Sociopath

12 Of The Most Common Lies Sociopaths And Narcissists Tell, Translated

Here are twelve of the most common lies narcissists and sociopaths tell us, translated into what they actually mean:

1. I would never lie to you.

I am lying as I say this. You do know that an authentic truth-teller wouldn’t have to convince you, right? The reason I constantly have to tell you I would never lie to you is because I know you will eventually find the discrepancies between what I say and what I do. When you’re struggling to understand why I am acting with such cruelty, you’ll remember how I stressed to you that I am an honest person, a person of integrity and character – a person who would never do such things. You’ll be confused because my actions speak so differently than my words. Slowly but surely, I am brainwashing you into believing that I would never lie. That will create a conflict in you – enough reasonable doubt for whenever my lies come to the surface. You’ll want to believe in the person I pretended to be, rather than who I really am.

2. He or she was obsessed with me.

My past victims discovered my infidelity, my falsehoods and even gained a momentary glance behind the mask. They called me out, even tried to expose me. They tried to hold me accountable for my actions. Don’t be surprised if they reach out to warn you – but by the time they do, you’ll be convinced they’re crazy and obsessed with me. They’re just jealous of what we have – or at least that’s what I’ll tell you. They’re just stalking me because they want me back so desperately – couldn’t have anything to do with the pain I’ve inflicted upon them, right?

3. I was hanging out with friends.

I am busy grooming my primary source of narcissistic supply, an old flame or a new victim. I’ve got lots of “friends” in my harem who worship me and who need my time. Rest assured, there’s always plenty of ego strokes to go around for me. Any time I disappear, you can bet I am love-bombing someone and getting the attention I am entitled to. I am just that special. Don’t worry, you can be my “friend” too!

Continue reading “12 Of The Most Common Lies Sociopaths And Narcissists Tell, Translated”

Posted in Alienation

Histrionic and Borderline Personality Disorder poker tells revealed

“They” say you can never win by arguing with someone that has a narcissistic personality type or disorder. I didn’t even want to win. I just wanted normal, rational adult behavior.

The Cluster B person only wants to succeed in traumatizing any person or peer group with whom they manufacture competition. But their covert nature and hidden agendas are inevitably revealed like poker tells on a card player show.

Before sitting down to play a casual game of metaphoric cards with one of them, understand that each type has their own unique style, flair, motivation, attention, and persona. Not only that, they all tend to flock in packs — meaning several narcissistic people or sociopathic family members are likely to take great comfort in associating with one another, then group targeting (or mobbing) their preferred scapegoat targets for fun, sport, and the idle amusement of the group’s strongest pack predator and Flying Monkey supporters.

Whether it’s a toxic family unit, a narcissistic peer group, a sociopathic boss, or a sadistic school teacher, the effect of being targeted for social abuse by a predator can truly be a life-changing experience. If an abusive person is overtly antagonistic, expect a great deal of loud blustering from them while they strive to attention-seek.

If they are Covert Narcissists, expect years of subtle psychological, emotional, and financial abuse exacted like a toll on your soul, demanded by the Abuser like a tax from you for the crime of being nothing more than a kind person willing to listen to them while making every human effort possible under the sun to please them.

Source: Histrionic and Borderline Personality Disorder poker tells revealed

Posted in Alienation, PERSONALITY DISORDERS, Sociopath

Sociopathic Parents Are Everywhere

One fact most people never think of or realize is the high probability that every community, every school, and every company or organization likely has a sociopath or two in it.

The kind of sociopath we’re talking about is very different from a serial killer. This sociopath quite possibly never breaks a law and has never been to jail. This sociopath is far less obvious but far more commonplace.

He or she might be your neighbor, your brother, your mother or your father. She or he can hide behind a perfect manicure, an excellent job, charity work or the PTO. Most people would never think of this person as a sociopath.

In fact, she may have a charisma that draws people to her. She may be admired and appear selfless and kind to many. But deep down, she is not like the rest of us. Sometimes no one can see that something is wrong except the people who are closest to her. Often her children can feel it, but that doesn’t mean they understand it.

There is one main feature that sets sociopaths apart from the rest of us. That one thing can be expressed in one word: conscience. Simply put, a sociopath feels no guilt. Because of this, he’s freed up to do virtually anything without having to pay any internal price for it. A sociopath can say or do anything she wants and not feel bad the next day, or ever.

Along with a lack of guilt comes a profound lack of empathy. For the sociopath, other people’s feelings are meaningless because she has no ability to feel them. In fact, sociopaths don’t actually feel anything the way the rest of us do. Their emotions operate under a very different system, which usually revolves around controlling others.

If the sociopath succeeds in controlling you, he may actually feel some warmth for you. The flip side of that coin is that if he fails at controlling you, he will despise you. He uses underhanded means to get his way, and if that doesn’t work, he’ll bully. If that fails, he will retaliate.

Having no conscience frees up the sociopath to use any underhanded means to get her way. She can be verbally ruthless. She can portray things falsely. She can twist others’ words to her own purposes. She can blame others when things go awry. It’s not necessary to own her mistakes because it’s much easier to blame someone else. Continue reading “Sociopathic Parents Are Everywhere”

Posted in Alienation

Observing the father as role model in childhood

Whilst the mother is the first ‘relationship’ that the sociopath develops in life, the father represents the first ‘role model’. How the father treats the mother in childhood, and the messages that are received from observing that interaction is important.

When the father is abusive towards the mother, when there is neglect, lack of respect, abuse, these are the first lessons that the sociopath learns about how to treat a woman.

When the mother herself, is cold, uncaring, emotionally disconnected, selfish, and the sociopath is striving for the mothers attention and or love, these are the messages that the sociopath understands about how to have a relationship with a woman. Continue reading “Observing the father as role model in childhood”

Posted in Alienation, PERSONALITY DISORDERS, Sociopath


If you dig into the past of a Sociopath, and look at his childhood, almost always there will be an unhealthy relationship between the male sociopath and the mother. I was often told (and didn’t listen) – but did teach my daughters…. ‘if you want to know how a man will treat you look at:

a) How your partners father treats his mother (what is their relationship like?)

b) What is your partners own relationship like with his mother?

The childhood relationship between mother and son are two important developmental processes for a male, and when it is not ‘normal’ or ‘healthy’ you are at risk of meeting a partner who will be abusive towards you, later in the relationship. Either, physically, mentally, sexually and/or financially.

Why is the relationship with the mother so important?

The first relationship that we ever have in life, is the relationship that we have with our mother. In pregnancy, even in the womb, we are connecting with our mother. This article from BBC advises how as early as 3 months before the end of pregnancy, we can hear our mother whilst in the womb Continue reading “THE MALE SOCIOPATH ATTITUDES TOWARDS SEX, AND COGNITIVE LEARNING IN CHILDHOOD”

Posted in Alienation, PERSONALITY DISORDERS, Sociopath

Traits of Sociopathic Parents

Traits of Sociopathic Parents

At the most basic level, sociopathic parents aren’t warm and fuzzy. Cold, distant, and unwelcoming, he provides neither comfort nor affection. James Fallon, a neurobiologist who studies the brains of sociopaths and happens to be one himself, is one of the rare sociopaths who has sustained a marriage over time and helped raise children. He describes his feelings toward his children as indifferent, “[d]ominated less by warmth than by entertainment and intellectual interest.”

By sociopathic standards, Fallon is “loving parent of the year”. Other sociopath parents aren’t so kind and generous. The only true feeling sociopath parents have is anger, and they typically express it loudly and physically (Do Sociopaths Cry or Even Have Feelings?). Because the expressed anger is out of proportion to whatever induced it, children are left hurt, confused, and with a sense that the world is unpredictable, illogical, and unsafe. Antisocial parents teach their children that the world is chaotic and inconsistent.

Sociopathic parents have other hallmark parenting traits that amount to psychological abuse:

  • Lack of attachment, bonding, love
  • Dismissiveness (because kids are boring)
  • Disregard for the child’s welfare
  • Harsh expectations and demands
  • Neglect, often extreme
  • Purposeful attempts to corrupt a child (exposure to pornography, encouraging delinquent behavior)

As if the sociopathic parent wasn’t bad enough, this parent is often a spouse or a partner. Co-parenting with a sociopath can be a daily challenge. In all parenting partnerships, there exists an ongoing need to negotiate and compromise; unfortunately, the sociopath neither negotiates nor compromises. Ever. Co-parenting with a sociopath creates a strained relationship that adds yet another layer of difficulty to family life  (Co-Parenting With An Abuser: How to Help Your Kids, Yourself). Continue reading “Traits of Sociopathic Parents”

Posted in Alienation

Antisocial and Histrionic Personality Disorders

Antisocial and Histrionic Personality Disorders

Antisocial personality disorder, also referred to as sociopathy or psychopathy, is characterized by a pervasive pattern of disregard for the rights of others, lying, deception, impulsivity, aggressive behavior, lack of empathy, and lack of remorse. The typical sociopath views his (males outnumber females 20 to 1) fellow humans as mere objects to be manipulated for personal gain (Stevens and Price, 1996). Sociopaths represent the “cheaters” that evolutionary theorists have argued would subvert the spread of genes for altruism. Basically the sociopathic strategy is to take advantage of the altruistic leanings in other people by pretending to have similar altruistic motives themselves.

Linda Mealy (1995) has argued that the sociopathic strategy is maintained by frequency-dependent selection. She summarizes her argument as follows: “(1) there is a genetic predisposition underlying sociopathy which is normally distributed in the population; (2) as the result of selection to fill a small, frequency-dependent, evolutionary niche, a small, fixed percentage of individuals- those at the extreme of this continuum- will be deemed “morally insane” in any culture; (3) a variable percentage of individuals who are less extreme on the continuum will sometimes, in response to environmental conditions during their early development, pursue a life-history strategy that is similar to that of their “morally insane” colleagues; and (4) a subclinical manifestation of this underlying genetic continuum is evident in many of us, becoming apparent only at those times when immediate environmental circumstances make an antisocial strategy more profitable than a prosocial one.” p. 526.

In other words, some individuals are born to be sociopaths as a result of their genetics, others are made to be sociopaths as a result of a harsh developmental history interacting with some predisposing genetic factors and many individuals are capable of a temporary pattern of antisocial behavior in response to proximate environmental factors. Sociopathy can be maintained in human society only if it is limited in scope, either in the percentage of the population effected or in the length of time a large segment is engaged in antisocial behavior. During relatively stable (e.g., peacetime) conditions, sociopathic individuals who follow a cheating strategy and prey upon the larger prosocial segment of the population can not exceed a certain percentage because their success is dependent upon the naiveté of their victims. During times of chaotic social upheaval and violence (e.g., war) the proximate conditions may make a temporary pattern of antisocial behavior adaptive for a much larger percentage of individuals. However, even during the worst of times, antisocial behavior produces an adaptive payoff only in certain situations and over very limited periods of time.

The early environmental conditions that appear to trigger sociopathy in those with the requisite genetic predispositions include physical or sexual abuse as children and a history of parental separation and loss (Stevens and Price, 1996). Oftentimes, much of their early life was in an orphanage or foster home.  Presumably, roughly equal numbers of males and females are subjected to such degraded rearing experiences but males are much more likely to become sociopaths whereas females are much more likely to develop histrionic personality disorders.

Histrionic personality disorder is characterized by exaggerated attention seeking behavior, sexually inappropriate, seductive or provocative behavior, a tendency to be easily influenced by others and to perceive relationships to be more intimate than they actually are. Harpending and Sobus (1987) have argued that histrionic females are employing a cheating strategy that is equivalent to that of sociopathic males. Because the reproductive strategies of males and females differ, the cheating strategies of males and females must differ accordingly. A male sociopath should be adept at seducing females and deceiving them about his degree of commitment. A histrionic female should be adept at exaggerating her need for the male and her vulnerability in order to induce him to lavish love and attention upon her. The histrionic female should also show a readiness to abandon her offspring opportunistically (former mating partners or their close kin typically take care of the abandoned offspring).

This indeed, is the pattern displayed by these two clinical groupings. Sociopathic males are typically charming, charismatic, promiscuous, and deceitful. Histrionic females are skilled at exaggerating their needs to desired males while masking their true promiscuous nature. They often seek to control their partner through emotional manipulation. Histrionic females manipulate others to gain nurturance whereas sociopathic males manipulate others for material gain. Continue reading “Antisocial and Histrionic Personality Disorders”

Posted in Alienation

Disconnection and Decision-making: Adult Children Explain Their Reasons for Estranging from Parents

Not to be confused with parental alienation

The study findings offer a phenomenological examination of the adult child’s beliefs,
ideas, and musings about their estrangement. Participants reported 40 current estrangements from parents (23 mothers and 17 fathers) at the time of the first interview. Of
these, 23 estrangements were initiated by the participant and 16 were maintained by the
participant after being initiated by the parent or occurring after a mutual lessening of
contact, while one was initiated by the parent to the dissatisfaction of the participant. The
majority of participants (n = 14) were estranged from both parents; nine from their
mother only, and three from their father only. There were 36 physical estrangements and
four emotional estrangements. Physical estrangements ranged from one month to 39
years, with the average lasting around 8.5 years. Long-term emotional disconnection was
also a component of many participant’s lives, with 18 out of 26 participants saying they
were emotionally estranged from at least one parent during childhood (accounting for 25
estrangements). Five female participants, who were estranged from their mother only,
had also experienced at least one period of physical estrangement from their father. One
female participant had begun to reconcile with her father at the time of the second
interview, and no longer classified herself as estranged from him. Four participants were
estranged from a parent at the time of their death and these estrangements are counted in
this data. Continue reading “Disconnection and Decision-making: Adult Children Explain Their Reasons for Estranging from Parents”

Posted in Alienation

Kubler–Ross Biography

Elisabeth Kubler-Ross was a 20th century psychiatrist who pioneered the study of grief and developed a stage-based model that outlined the feelings dying people experience.


In the book On Death and Dying, Kubler-Ross identified five specific stages of grief that individuals experience as they face death. The five stages are:

  1. Denial: A temporary defense mechanism, denial is often the earliest stage of grief and involves feelings that “this can’t possibly be happening to me.”
  2. Anger: A dying person questions why he or she is facing death. The person might look for a source of blame, or simply become angry with the world.
  3. Bargaining: During this stage, people try to find ways to buy themselves more time. They might, for example, start bargaining with God or attempt to institute a healthier lifestyle.
  4. Depression: As a dying person begins to accept fate, overwhelming depression, sadness, or hopelessness may kick in.
  5. Acceptance: At this stage, a dying person accepts the inevitability of death, finding some peace in this acceptance. Acceptance does not, however, mean that a person wants to die or is happy about dying, and grief may linger.

Although her original intent was to offer these strategies as a coping map for those dealing with death, Kubler-Ross’s later work extended these stages to individuals suffering any major loss, including that of health, freedom, job, marriage, or the death of a loved one. In addition, she acknowledged that while most people go through at least two of the five stages of grief, not all people experience them in the same order. For example, a dying person might experience anger or bargaining before he or she enters denial.

She noted that many people will continue to struggle with one or more of the stages for many years; some may even wander in and out of stages throughout the remainder of their lives, depending on the severity of their loss. On Death and Dying has become one of the most widely accepted tools for helping individuals regain their lives in the aftermath of a traumatic loss.

Continue reading “Kubler–Ross Biography”

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