Posted in Alienation

How Adverse Childhood Experiences Affect You as an Adult | Psychology Today

Why Does This Matter?

Research consistently links ACES to adult-life physical, emotional, and relational issues. The higher a person’s ACES score is, the more likely that person is to experience physical ailments like heart disease, diabetes, and cancer. Similarly, the higher a person’s ACES score is, the more likely he or she is to experience psychological and behavioral issues like anxiety, depression, and addiction.

Research is very consistent with these results. For example, one wide-ranging study found that individuals with an ACES score of four or higher are:

  • 1.8 times as likely to smoke cigarettes
  • 1.9 times as likely to become obese
  • 2.4 times as likely to experience ongoing anxiety
  • 2.5 times as likely to experience panic reactions
  • 3.6 times as likely to be depressed
  • 3.6 times as likely to qualify as promiscuous
  • 6.6 times as likely to engage in early-life sexual intercourse
  • 7.2 times as likely to become alcoholic
  • 11.1 times as likely to become intravenous drug users

Posted in Alienation

Family Photos Vitally Important for Children of Divorce (by: Rosalind Sedacca)

I read a poignant comment on a blog recently written by a married mother of three. She was a child of divorce whose father moved out of the home when she was four. She talks about having very few pictures of herself as a child and only one of her mother and father together. Her grandfather found and gave her the photo just a few years ago. She framed it and has proudly displayed it in her home for her own children to see.

She explains how special that one photo of her with Mom and Dad is to her. It shows a little girl sitting happily on a lawn with her “real” family – before the divorce.

This woman grieves that she has no other photographs of her father and so few pictures of her childhood. She assumes that her mother hid or destroyed all other photos, “possibly to protect my stepparents’ feelings” as she moved on into other chapters in her life.

She goes on to send a message to all divorced parents who are transitioning into blended families. She stresses the importance of keeping previous family photographs to give to your children at the appropriate time – and not throwing them away. She implores people who are marrying men or women with children to “be the grownup” and acknowledge that children of divorce have other relationships that are meaningful and important to them.

Having pictures, gifts and other reminders of the non-custodial parent is very important to your children. We must never forget the connection and allegiance children innately feel toward both of their parents. When one parent is dismissed, put down or disrespected by the other parent, a part of your child is hurt as a result. They also feel that a part of themselves is flawed which creates much internal confusion.

Allow your children to keep their connection with their other parent – and with their past, unless they choose otherwise. If you’re a step-parent, don’t try to replace the birth Mom or Dad. There is room in a child’s heart to embrace and love you, as well, if you earn their trust and respect. You can’t demand or force it.

The woman’s blog post ends by asking us to imagine how we would feel if someone came into our family and discarded all the photos of Mom and Dad together. If we could just put ourselves in our children’s shoes on a regular basis we would avoid so many errors in parenting, and so many psychological scars. Continue reading “Family Photos Vitally Important for Children of Divorce (by: Rosalind Sedacca)”

Posted in Alienation

Long After a Divorce, the Question of Family Photographs Lingers

Yet the photos are the physical proof of something that was, at least at one point in time, very real. Our family life together was as real as the DNA that binds me and my brother to our parents, the two people at the center of our world who are now divorced. Blowing out birthday candles, opening Christmas gifts under the glowing smiles of our mom and dad, first days of school and family vacations — it was all captured on 110-cartridge film. Though ephemeral, they were not falsified events, at least not then. Those were times that we were happy together. It all took place. It was all real.

It feels unfair that I cannot openly look back at those moments. Those photos memorialize my childhood, my history and my family, at least for a time. They are me, and yet I cannot showcase them without triggering pain for myself or someone else. I envy those who can hang photos in their living room because their parents’ marriage is still intact.

They say a picture is worth a thousand words, but I often wonder whose words, exactly? Does it matter if they are sometimes uttered with sweet nostalgia or mumbled in bitter, hushed tones? No matter where I ultimately place these photographs — whether on a shelf in my living room or in a dark pocket of my closet — I now realize that there is intrinsic value in both the “before” and “after” words that give meaning to these bygone scenes. Inevitably, their worth will fluctuate, and ultimately remain at the mercy of the bulls and bears that move along the exchange of a family’s lifetime. Continue reading “Long After a Divorce, the Question of Family Photographs Lingers”

Posted in Alienation

Family Keepsakes – Tips on What to Keep After Divorce


One thing that will be very important to your kids are the family photos. Your instinct might be that you want them out of your house and out of your life, but these are important items for your kids.

Photo album and memories
For one thing, it allows them to hang onto the fact that you were a couple, and a family, at one point. Your children likely have some very happy memories that can be relived through those photos. Don’t toss them, instead save them for your kids. You don’t need to leave framed family photos scattered through the house or a photo album on the coffee table (or digital file on the desktop of your computer), but you should try to save many of them for your kids. They will want to look at them from time to time, and that’s ok. It’s healthy for them to want some visual cues to help them process what happened. You may not want to look at the photos with them and that’s ok too. Give some brief feedback and make yourself busy with something else. Plan to pack those photos up and move them out of the house when your kids move out. Continue reading “Family Keepsakes – Tips on What to Keep After Divorce”

Posted in Alienation

Consequences for Destroying or Disposing of Personal Photographs and Videos Accumulated During Marriage

Sadly a familiar story in Parental Alienation, ask a alienator to show you the family photos!!!!!!!!

They say a picture is worth a thousand words, and in the recently unpublished (not precedential) case of C.S. v. B. S., Judge Jones determined that 25-years’ worth of family pictures destroyed by a scorned ex-wife are also worth $5,000.00.

In C.S. v. B. S., the parties divorced after approximately 25 years of marriage. They had one child, who was emancipated. The parties’ entered into a Matrimonial Settlement Agreement, and agreed, among other things, that the husband would have the right to share in the family photographs and videos that were kept in the in the marital residence, where the wife continued to exclusively reside.

However, shortly after the parties’ divorce, the wife refused to allow plaintiff to have or copy any of the photos or videos of the marriage. The husband sent the wife an email requesting her cooperation to retrieve the photos and videos and she replied that she had disposed of them because he had allegedly been unfaithful during the marriage and no longer wanted to be reminded of him. Continue reading “Consequences for Destroying or Disposing of Personal Photographs and Videos Accumulated During Marriage”

Posted in Alienation

Christmas Planning – Day 7

Nursing homes, hospitals and senior centers are always great options for volunteer opportunities because many patients don’t get visitors around the holidays. You can help ease their loneliness by bringing in a deck of cards, serving dinner or simply sitting down for a chat.

12 Days of GOSH Xmas

The hospital, with support from GOSH Children’s Charity, ensures that children coming to hospital during Christmas time have the best possible experience. From 14 to 25 December, we’re shining a light on some of those experiences, including those for children who are sadly too ill to spend Christmas at home.

Volunteering on wards

The volunteering opportunities available with us directly support our important charitable work helping sick children and their families at Birmingham Children’s Hospital. The roles do not involve patient contact and only very rarely involve visits to wards.

If you are looking for opportunities to volunteer within the hospital, please contact the hospital’s volunteer service.

Emergency Department

Serve as a support person to the Emergency Room staff, assisting in any way the nurses, doctors and ancillary staff deem necessary. Must be 21 years old.

Family Resource Center

Provide hospitality and supportive services for family members and staff in new educational, fitness and resource area.

Gift Shop

Provide a service of convenience to employees, patients and visitors. Volunteer clerk assists Gift Shop staff with daily routine, while representing the hospital in a positive way.

Information Desk

Assist Information Desk staff in their role of delivery of telephone messages, directing families, and with other miscellaneous tasks.

Patient Transport

Assist with wagon/wheelchair collection and cleaning and patient discharges.

Outpatient Clinics

Provide support to staff and diversional activities to patients.

Patient Care Units

Provide support to unit staff, patients and families through activities such as interactive play, reading, crafts, etc.

Toy Washing and Playroom Maintenance

Maintain guidelines and policies for the playroom contents and play equipment, and keep the area clean, organized and safe for patients and families.

Additional Volunteer Opportunities Information

For more information, contact Family and Volunteer Services at (614) 722-3635 or e-mail

Extremely humbling to see that so many people are preparing to give their time to help others this Christmas. Volunteers can make an enormous difference to people’s lives at a time which can be difficult Read more: 

If you are unable to commit to volunteering formally this Christmas there are still lots of ways to help your neighbours who may be older and alone. For instance you could:

  1. Invite them to spend a few hours with you and your family over the Christmas period, or pop in to see them for a cup of tea and a mince pie
  2. Find out if there are any events for older people happening locally i.e. a festive community lunch club and encourage an older neighbour to go. You could also offer to go with them or help them to get there. Some events taking place on Christmas Day for older people are listed on
  3. Make a short phone call to an older neighbour or relative on Christmas Day just to ask how they are and spread some cheer
  4. Make someone a Christmas dinner in their home, or take them some festive food
  5. Decorate someone’s house with Christmas decorations or fill their fridge with Christmas treats
  6. Check in on an older neighbour to ensure they have the essentials (milk, bread etc.) needed to keep them going until the shops reopen
  7. Royal Voluntary Service will continue to support older people in your community and if you wish to make a donation to support our work. All donations gratefully received.



Posted in Alienation

The Forgotten Narcissistic

Among other contributions on the subject, Meissner’s view9 is worth mentioning because of its clarity of style. In discussing narcissism and the paranoid process, he commented, “Envious feelings are frequently identifiable in narcissist patients [and are caused by] feelings of deprivation and resentful entitlement.” Such experience of humiliation, he stated, is linked both to masochism and sadism: “Narcissistic patients enjoy sadistically humiliating others, just as their own humiliating superego afflicts them.”

How envy becomes a narcissistic issue

In the envious person, the persistence of an archaic, grandiose, and omnipotent sense of self is a necessary condition for the pathological manifestations of envy. As a vital element to his mental equilibrium, the envious person must feel or believe that he is entitled to all that is good and valuable. As psychoanalytic inquiry has demonstrated,6-10 being narcissistic sets the stage for a propensity to catastrophic reactions to perceived slights or disappointments. “Narcissism is incapable of self-sustaining action and continually requires fresh gratification. It is not self-limiting . . . it has no inherent stability.”9

Given that the narcissist depends on an external source of support (eg, praise, admiration) for his sense of emotional equilibrium, his “self” becomes envious by the realization in (or projection onto) others (or objects) of the qualities he imagines unique in himself. Inevitably, the envious person experiences each of his envied objects’ successes or attributes as a challenge, and, at times, as a mortal injury to his sense of self. “Whatever threatens our status in life, whatever throws into question our accomplishments and attainments, whatever defeats us or limits us, or prevents us from attaining the object of our desires, all these and more are forthright assaults on our narcissism.”9

A necessary ingredient added to such an experience, to determine certain destructive and, at times, criminal manifestations of envy, is the conscious or less-than-conscious sense of shame in the envious person. This shame is the “signal affect of feelings of humiliation, inferiority, or narcissistic mortification.”9 Initially, the envious person unsuccessfully attempts to become the object of his envy (by imitation or challenge). Later, after his attempts fail, he decides to ignore or remove him- self from such reality, only to find the envied object obsessively trapped in his mind.

The envious person becomes haunted by his mental images of the envied object. Then, with his emotional sensor (superego) harshly prosecuting him and recriminating his “imperfections,” the envious person starts to feel as if he is a failure. His cruel superego demands perfection and omnipotence. The envious person feels tormented by a mirror image that constantly reminds him of his mundane limitations and imperfections. He is left with a mixed sense of impotence and rage. His mental state is one of self-depletion that includes feelings of inadequacy, lowered self-esteem, and self-pity.

Without the prospect of accepting his limitations or lacking the sublimatory channels needed to cope with them, he develops vengeful, diabolical desires of destroying the envied object. These mental images ultimately become a breeding ground for his conscious or unconscious decision of annihilating the envied object. Only the destruction of his mental representations will restore his inner peace and bring him back to his original sense of grandiosity and omnipotence. Continue reading “The Forgotten Narcissistic”

Posted in Alienation

Narcissistic Decompensation in Divorce

The Narcissistic Personality in Divorce and the Origins of Parental Alienation Processes:
Millon, the Narcissist, and the Child’s Expression of DSM Axis II Features
C.A. Childress,Psy.D.(2011)

The Narcissistic Personality in Divorce and the Origins of Parental Alienation … failure” that result in the decompensation of the narcissist into “paranoid” … Continue reading “Narcissistic Decompensation in Divorce”

Posted in Alienation



In psychology, the term refers to the inability to maintain defense mechanisms in response to stress, resulting in personality disturbance or psychological imbalance.[2][3] Some who suffer from narcissistic personality disorder or borderline personality disorder may decompensate into persecutory delusions to defend against a troubling reality.[4] Continue reading “Decompensation”

Posted in Alienation

Indifference and Decompensation (as forms of Narcissistic Aggression)

Once he gives up on his erstwhile Sources of Supply, the narcissist proceeds to promptly and peremptorily devalue and discard them. This is often done by simply ignoring them – a facade of indifference that is known as the “silent treatment” and is, at heart, hostile and aggressive. Indifference is, therefore, a form of devaluation. People find the narcissist “cold”, “inhuman”, “heartless”, “clueless”, “robotic or machine-like”.

Early on in life, the narcissist learns to disguise his socially-unacceptable indifference as benevolence, equanimity, cool-headedness, composure, or superiority. “It is not that I don’t care about others” – he shrugs off his critics – “I am simply more level-headed, more resilient, more composed under pressure… They mistake my equanimity for apathy.”

The narcissist tries to convince people that he is compassionate. His profound lack of interest in his spouse’s life, vocation, interests, hobbies, and whereabouts he cloaks as benevolent altruism. “I give her all the freedom she can wish for!” – he protests – “I don’t spy on her, follow her, or nag her with endless questions. I don’t bother her. I let her lead her life the way she sees fit and don’t interfere in her affairs!” He makes a virtue out of his emotional truancy. Continue reading “Indifference and Decompensation (as forms of Narcissistic Aggression)”