Honesty is going to take you places in life that you never could have dreamed and it’s the easiest thing you can practice in order to be happy, successful and fulfilled. Honesty is part of the foundation of my core values and principles. Honesty cuts through deception and knifes its way through deceit and lies. Honesty leads to a fulfilling, free life.
Honesty is not just about telling the truth. It’s about being real with yourself and others about who you are, what you want and what you need to live your most authentic life. Honesty promotes openness, empowers us and enables us to develop consistency in how we present the facts. Honesty sharpens our perception and allows us to observe everything around us with clarity.
The Tangled Web We Weave
The opposite of honesty is deception — or lying. Lying is equally bad whether you are deceiving others or yourself. When you lie, you delude yourself into believing what you’re saying. You start digging a hypothetical ditch, even if with an infant-sized spoon, that will keep getting bigger over time. You confuse yourself, confuse others, lose credibility and put yourself in harm. Continue reading “Honesty- How it Benefits You and Others”
Honesty: Expressing your feelings and opinions accurately.
Truth: Accurate representation of reality.
We mistake honesty for truth and we mistake earnestness for honesty.
It’s easy to fake honesty with earnestness. You just have to pump up the rhetorical words and gestures. Just say, “No, really! I mean it. I’m absolutely sure.” Gesticulate emphatically, raise your voice, or lower it, using your best condescending mansplaining or womansplaining tone. Make what you’re saying sound heartfelt or like it’s the product of judicious unbiased research. And those are just some of the many ways we have to sound honest when we’re not.
Such earnest fake honesty is easier for some of us, of course. There are professionals who make their living through fake honesty, whole professions that favor that talent—politics, for example (not statecraft, which is different from politics. Clinton was lousy at earnest fake honesty).
Earnestness is profitable because fake honesty distracts people from the pursuit of unprofitable truths. Fake honesty is especially profitable with the gullible and people who have the same emotions and opinions that the professionals fake.
Gullibility is largely a product of failing to notice the difference between honest opinion and truth. You may recognize the difference, but we’re all gullible in the company of people who share our honest opinions.
We’re much more likely to spot a fraud who disagrees with us than one who’s on the same page. We’re much more likely to notice that honesty and truth are different when someone’s honest opinion conflicts with ours; but when someone’s feelings and opinions are just like ours, we’re both in touch with the truth. How could we not be? We both agree? That’s a consensus! Continue reading “The Difference Between Honesty and Truth”
THE CHARACTERISTICS OF STOCKHOLM SYNDROME
It may be easier to understand Stockholm syndrome as an actual survival strategy for victims. This is because it seems to increase victims’ chances of survival and is believed to be a necessary tactic for defending psychologically and physically against experiencing an abusive, toxic, and controlling relationship. Stockholm syndrome is often found in toxic relationships where a power differential exists, such as between a parent and child or spiritual leader and congregant. Some signs of Stockholm syndrome include:
- Positive regard towards perpetrators of abuse or captors.
- Failure to cooperate with police and other government authorities when it comes to holding perpetrators of abuse or kidnapping accountable.
- Little or not effort to escape.
- Belief in the goodness of the perpetrators or kidnappers.
- Appeasement of captors. This is a manipulative strategy for maintaining one’s safety. As victims get rewarded—perhaps with less abuse or even with life itself—their appeasing behaviors are reinforced.
- Learned helplessness. This can be akin to “if you can’t beat ‘em, join ‘em.” As the victims fail to escape the abuse or captivity, they may start giving up and soon realize it’s just easier for everyone if they acquiesce all their power to their captors.
- Feelings of pity toward the abusers, believing they are actually victims themselves. Because of this, victims may go on a crusade or mission to “save” their abuser.
- Unwillingness to learn to detach from their perpetrators and heal. In essence, victims may tend to be less loyal to themselves than to their abuser.
Anyone can be susceptible to Stockholm syndrome. Yes, there are certain people with abusive backgrounds that may be more likely to be affected, such as people with abusive childhoods; but any person can become a victim if the right conditions exist. Continue reading “THE CHARACTERISTICS OF STOCKHOLM SYNDROME”
Jorge finds himself in an uncomfortable situation that occurs because what he would like to be (faithful) collides with what he is being at the moment (unfaithful). To solve this problem, Jorge opts to emotionally manipulate Maria so that she has to fix the situation and she ends up as the guilty one. Maria probably has no idea what is really going on, because few of us can conceive of our partners acting this way. On the other hand, Jorge might not be entirely conscious of his behavior.
Jorge doesn’t think he can end this relationship that he would like to end. Especially not now that he met another woman. He doesn’t want to be the executioner of the relationship, so he will do whatever it takes to protect itself and pass as the victim. In order not to accept reality or take responsibility, he will manipulate Maria until he gets results, without caring too much about her suffering. Continue reading “Manipulators transfer guilt to the other person and feel that they are exempt”
Persuasion isn’t technically brainwashing, but it is a manipulation of the human mind, without the manipulated party being aware what caused his opinion shift. I only have time to very basically introduce you to a few of the many techniques in use today, but the basis of persuasion is always to access your right brain. The left half of your brain is analytical and rational. The right half is creative and imaginative. That is overly simplified but it makes my point. So, the idea is to distract the left brain and keep it busy. Ideally, the persuader generates an eyes-open altered state of consciousness, causing you to shift from Beta awareness into Alpha — a shift that can be measured on an EEG machine. Continue reading “Persuasion Techniques”
A person who uses emotional manipulation has everything perfectly mapped out in his head. He knows his prey’s weaknesses and how to get past any defenses to get what he wants. Getting what he wants could mean that he looks like the victim and the other person is the guilty one. He wants the other person to admit she is wrong and agree to whatever the manipulator wants.
Emotional manipulators also get what they want when they can generate certain emotions in the other person to further their own interests. The plan, as we said before, is all mapped out. They won’t have any qualms about using whatever means necessary to bend the other person’s will to get what they want.
Emotional manipulations often originates from cognitive dissonance
You probably know that emotional manipulators use what psychologists call “cognitive dissonance“. Cognitive dissonance refers to an internal conflict that happens in our mind when we house two thoughts that aren’t consistent. Or when a thought doesn’t fit in our belief system or with our behavior. Continue reading “Emotional Manipulation: A Common Tactic to Fix Internal Conflicts”
Coercion, somewhere between obvious and subtle
With coercion, not only is someone trying to get you to do something they want, but it’s also something that goes against what you truly want. Coercion involves behavior that’s more violent than blackmail, although it also has subtle nuances. Either way, coercion implies a relationship of power and abuse.
In coercion, there are threats, either direct or veiled. They take advantage of a person’s fear or vulnerability. Authority figures often use coercion to manage those in their sphere of influence.
In this case, the victim is aware that they’re being manipulated but feels unable to do anything about it. It may be because the other person is stronger and threatens to use physical violence. Or it could be because they are higher, status-wise, and could cause other kinds of harm. Continue reading “Coercion, somewhere between obvious and subtle”
Psychological blackmail: an emotional liability
Psychological or emotional blackmail is a form of manipulation and is, therefore, a violent act. It’s used to control another person’s behavior — and feelings too. Like all blackmail, the situation involves one person dissuading another person from doing something, “citing” negative consequences. “Do it, but you’ll pay for it”, or “Don’t do it, but you won’t like what ends up happening”. Continue reading “Psychological blackmail: an emotional liability”
Unfortunately, human relationships are riddled with manipulation. Usually it’s unconscious. We unknowingly learn to be manipulative and unknowingly manipulate people. Two manipulative mechanisms that seriously damage relationships are blackmail and coercion.
Manipulation, in psychological terms, is a mechanism through which a person can get another person to say or do something. This is achieved through the use of deceit, schemes, and traps. A person turns into a mere tool for another to use and get something out of. Continue reading “Blackmail and Coercion: Destroyers of Healthy Relationships”
Motivations are emotionally conditioned. Consequently, if you can influence people’s emotions, you will influence their motivations and their behavior.
- Emotional activation of pleasure: This consists of charming people and treating them well. People use it to draw people in and grab their attention.
- Emotional activation of fear, guilt, and anxiety: Using rewards and punishment to get emotional responses of fear, guilt, and anxiety. These emotions encourage dependency and submission.
Continue reading “Emotional techniques”