Manipulators Like to Vilify their Victims
Manipulative abusers are covert-aggressors. (For more on this read: In Sheep’s Clothing.) They have their way with you by fighting cleverly and underhandedly. And they use a variety of tactics to con you. (See also, for example: Rationalizing Away Wrongdoings.) However, they particularly enjoy playing the victim game.
The aim of this game is simple: create confusion about who the real victim is. And manipulators do that in two ways. They can try to convince the true victim that they’re the one actually hurt. Or, they can make the victim out to be the villain and aggressor. Moreover, they can put the two tactics together. That way, they deliver a powerful one-two manipulative punch. “I’m the injured one and you’re the cause, ” the aggressor asserts. It’s how they play the victim and vilify the real victim. And, unfortunately, the strategy often works.
I’ve seen some pretty egregious examples of aggressors who vilify their victims. I’ve witnessed many a domestic batterer convince a spouse they brought their injuries upon themselves. And I have even interviewed murderers who wanted me to feel sorry for the injustice they suffered that “made” them lash out. Manipulators can go to great lengths to cast themselves as victims and vilify others.